Love repellent #4 is what can make a date go bad without your knowing it

The date goes nicely but then they never call again

You don't know what you did wrong

But he did kiss you at the end of the date

And promised to call

But why didn't he?!


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What are you doing that make the date pull away?

It's not picking up and returning BIDS

- What is a BID?

- Anytime someone opens up to you, they are very vulnerable

- Each communication feels like a risk to them

- They need to feel you are with them

- So if they lob a BID your way, and you react negatively -- even if you think it's a valid argument or healthy debate -- they start pulling away

- There's a subtle bonding process that begins the minute you meet -- maybe even sooner if you're online dating


- It's important to do everything you can to let this person know they are safe and understood with you

- And it's critical to know what will bond you and what will push them away

- I have long seen that many people simply don't know HOW they're pushing people away

- And once they learn how to bond, they quickly find love


THE ANTIDOTE


You have to learn when you're getting a bid and what to do with it

And further, it's one key to creating a bond

Here is the antidote:


1. Start noticing when folks are putting a bid out to you, particularly on a date

2. Respond positively. Don't negate what they just said, don't be luke warm but instead be supportive, warm and interested

3. When someone negates a BID -- let's say you argue, or say NO -- your date feels subtly rejected

Even when it's something silly like you not trying a bite of their food or asking them not to lean against your recently painted wall.

It creates a distance between you

4. Dates are no time to argue politics, religion or any subject. They're a time for bonding and creating a connection, particularly if you like your date!

5. To create a positive BID, you can use everything we've been discussing so far in the Love Repellent Series - be warm, ask follow-up questions and look them in the eyes

6. We need to add to this by also being positive, supportive and saying YES as much as we can (not to sex if you're not feeling it, that's another subject and related to Boundaries, and ascertaining interest. We'll get there soon)


SHE FOUND LOVE AFTER BEING SINGLE FOR DECADES


I worked with a high powered litigation attorney a few years ago

She grew up in an argumentative family of strong-willed independent people

(There's nothing wrong with being empowered in that way)

She was well-versed in debate

And did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

She said NO so often to colleagues invitations to lunches, dinners and having a quick drink, they quit asking her

She went on a date when we first start working together, and by probing, I found out she did the following on that date:

- got into a heated discussion about an proposition on the upcoming election ballot

- refused the date's offer of a sip of his signature cocktail

- did not take up his BID of mentioning his family (she could have asked more details to indicate interest)

- fairly abruptly announced she had to go when the clock struck 10

And she liked this guy!!!

She did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

In her family growing up, no one knew or cared about bids

And her willingness to argue and be abrasive actually serves her well in her field

But she was unable to turn this tendency off in order to bond to someone she actually wanted to be close to!!

This client had had a LOT of first dates and very few second ones, no surprise

And she tended to be lonely with few friends

So we worked on returning BIDS better

I forbade even NEUTRAL BIDS (those where you are polite but cold or not engaging)

I asked her to return BIDS with a positive response to everyone for a period of time

She was SHOCKED at her instinct to shut folks down
She never even knew she was doing it

But as she gave new responses, the outcome was so positive she got in practice better

And then she ran into the guy who never called again on the street (the one she liked)

After all of our practice, she naturally reached out to him, giving her own very positive bid

He looked surprised, but said "hello"

She then apologized for coming across as cold on their date, saying she had had a bad day

They ended up having a long discussion on the street, which led to drinks and dinner

THIS TIME, they did bond!

The two are now engaged, planning a wedding this fall


Learning Love Repellent #4 and course correcting proved just the ticket for this happy client


YOUR HOMEWORK

This week, start noticing when people are lobbing BIDS your way

Practice giving POSITIVE BIDS as much as you can

Notice the response to BIDS you give out, and don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond in kind

They may not know about BIDS, and suffer for it
(There is no rejection, there is just the wrong fit)

As you get into practice, you can use BIDS to bond more quickly so you get the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

You can even use this knowledge at work and with friends for very good results


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #5 in next blog.

This repellent is big reason you don't attract who you want. Once you learn it, you will be treated very differently in the best way possible

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

Love repellent #3 can make you and your soulmate be like ships passing in the night

You don't see each otherdon't connect and it's left for another time and place to come together


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is this failure to connect that will repel love?

It's not looking in people's eyes

- I have been astounded at how many people avoid looking into others' eyes

- Especially if it's someone they find hot (most likely to be your soulmate)

- If you don't connect or actively avoid it, it's impossible to meet your soulmate

- The first thing we learn in my ABC Connecting formula is how to properly look someone in the eye

- One shy student I trained in this technique can get anyone she wants to cross a crowded room to talk to her

- Learning to connect like you are looking into their soul is wildly powerful

- And if you don't know how to do this, you might as well hang a "not available" sign around your neck


THE ANTIDOTE


How to look in someone's eyes magnetically?

Here is the antidote:

1. Start practicing way before you meet someone interesting. Look into the eyes of the grocery checker, your pregnant co-worker and anyone else you encounter

2. Practice looking into their eyes and really seeing them for just a few seconds

3. Did you ever wonder how babies know to look at you right in your eyes? And so does your dog!

4. If you're sitting at a traffic light, isn't it weird that you look at the driver in the next lane, they will feel your gaze, turn their head and look at who is staring at them?!

5. Looking at someone is powerful. You don't want to be creepy, but just a few seconds and people will treat you much differently

6. Try it starting TODAY so you are in practice when your love comes along


SHE FOUND A LOVE FOR THE AGES


One super shy woman signed on as my client
This is the first thing we did -- learn to look in peoples' eyes, which was extremely hard for her
But she got good at it

She noticed she got more popular at work and was making more friends

This led to her being invited to a dinner party with a lot of show biz folks

One guy came in late, plopped himself in front of her and not looking up, start wolfing down food

When he glanced up for a second, she realized he is a pretty well-known celebrity

She almost froze, but remembered all of the work we had been doing

So rather than do nothing, she muttered "You have beautiful eyes," to him, half joking

He said, "really?!"

And she looked at him with the gaze we had been practicing, really looked into his eyes

"I looked into his eyes, and they WERE beautiful. They really were!! I felt I could see his soul in that moment, and I think he recognized me, too."

They chatted a while at the party, and she gave him her number before leaving to get some shuteye before work

Her phone rang at 4 a.m.

It was this celebrity, asking her to go out on a date that night

She said "yes". They went on the date, and have been together ever since

The two are now married!

And all of this came from her learning to

avoid Love Repellent #3

(This guy's friends were astounded. They never thought he'd settle down. But now the two have been married for quite a few years)


YOUR HOMEWORK

In the next day or two, start looking people right in the eye

Be interested in trying to see their soul for a moment

Yes, you may become super popular and need to learn boundaries

But you will be open and ensure that you don't miss your soulmate

Just a glance or two makes people feel seen
And it will open many doors for you including the one right into the arms of your soulmate


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #4 in next week's email. This repellent will make you choke on a date like nothing else. It is one of the biggest revelations of all time to many now on my wall of weddings.

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond