QKathryn, I have an issue with guys I'm intimidated by.

I can't approach them, can't hold a coherent discussion and feel they would never be interested in me

I think I heard you mention something about updating one time. Does that relate to my issue?

Can you help me overcome this? I feel like it gets in my way as far as finding my soulmate goes.

A: Updating is basically dating out of your league. I don't believe in it but many buy into this notion.

If you feel someone is scary to talk to because they're desirable to you, you may believe that they're somehow better than you. This is a false idea.

There ARE NO leagues, only human beings looking to connect.

The next time that you see someone you find attractive, here are some techniques to effectively connect with them.

1. Get rid of the idea that they're better than you or could reject you. They can't. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit.

2. Remember we're not all attracted to the same thing so there is probably a REASON that you're vibing with this person. Intend to explore what is there.

3. Shore up your energy so it 's not desperate, which is repellent. Remind yourself that you are special, a catch for your soulmate.

4. With no agenda other than connecting and keeping
in mind that you are worthy of ANYTHING, approach the person and look him in the eye. Smile and ask him something about himself. Remember he's just a human being like you and needs to connect.
If you are fearful of approaching someone you're actually drawn to, like many that I work with, you automatically count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. Make it a point to stretch into allowing connections with those you find attractive. If you believe in updating, then vow to be a master at it!


I'm blessing you for getting over this and finding your soulmate quickly -- it's entirely possible. Sending love & support your way!

Q: Kathryn, I have always settled in relationship and have never ever dated someone I could see marrying

One of my friends told me about your work in which you teach that being picky is good

What?! That's so opposite of what I've always been told

To be honest, I'm petrified of any guy who seems promising and they feel way out of my league

So what should I do? Should I TRY to date out of my league?


A: People have some strange ideas about love, and one stands out as the absolute worst one if you want to find the love of your life.

That is the concept of Dating Our of Your League (I call this UPDATING)

Almost every single I’ve worked with is occasionally intimidated by someone they find attractive. 

And yet, that person is the most likely to be their soulmate.

that you will have crackling chemistry with your One.

The good news is there is NO SUCH THING as updating. No one is out of your league. We are all equal.

But coming together with your soulmate can stress you out, if you (and this is common) buy into the idea of updating.

Folks who believe in updating (even unknowingly) will always think their soulmate is out of their league.

Why? Because this is the hottest person you’ve ever met.

The solution is to get rid of the updating concept and elevate yourself to a place where no one is out of reach for you.

I will write more about this in the coming weeks. I know it's a topic that needs addressing so stay turned for more

In the meantime, start thinking of yourself as more of a catch -- as worthy as any great guy you see

We need to work on this or else you are consigned to being continually disappointed in your love life

I bless you for knowing just how worthy you are of someone special to you!