Q: Kathryn, I've been reading your series on dating out of your league, and I have a different situation. I did your Soulmate Bootcamp and am now dating a guy who I would have been scared to even talk to at one time.

It's a stretch for me, and I'm scared I will screw it up. I really really like him - I know I'm falling in love. I go through way too much in this process and can relate to that client of yours who ended up in the emergency room. I hate this anxiety. How am I going to make it to getting committed to him? That's what I want.

And he likes me, too, but I get so nervous I don't see how he will like me enough to bring this into a full-on, exclusive relationship. How can I make this happen?

A: Most people who do my work end up supposedly dating out of their league meaning they are finally involved with someone they REALLY like and can't believe their "luck." (Just to remind you, I don't believe that anyone is out of your league, so I don't believe you would ever "update.")

The time between connecting with someone to when you commit can be a crazy time. I find that it can put people off-center. They're either waiting by the phone or checking email obsessively or busy finding fault and questioning whether this could be the One or not.

Three keys to this time are:

1. Finding center on a continual basis. Whenever you start worrying, let it go by doing a release ("I put this in the Universe's hands and trust it all works out") and then get busy having fun in your life. Don't revolve your life around this person.

2. Being with not-knowing. Instead of trying to rush things along, relish this delicious time of falling in love. As long as it's dynamic, you can trust it will work out but don't try to go from attraction to commitment instantaneously. Better to give it some time trusting that the right things will happen in due time.

3. Work on getting up to speed with this man. Remind yourself you're not chopped liver -- that he is lucky to have you, too. And that you deserve someone special. The more you can see this in range for yourself, the less out of your league he will seem. In truth, he is in your league or you wouldn't have gotten this far into dating together. Getting up to speed means accepting your good as your due, and in this case, it will make a world of difference on how you approach the budding relationship.

I bless you for getting into the committed relationship you want with your soulmate -- the hottest guy you've ever met. This could be it, and time will tell. Just know you're special and DESERVE THIS!!

Q: Kathryn, I have blown so many first dates that it's rare that I get a second date with anyone. I'm pretty talkative, and I do like to get down to the nitty gritty
so we don't waste time. I'm also pretty opinionated. Could you tell me some things not to do on a first date? I'd like to at least graduate to getting a second or third. It's getting pretty frustrating, and I know I'm worthy of love.

A: I'm so sorry to hear you've had this experience, but we can change it!

It sounds like you are probably saying some things that are shooting yourself in the foot on dates

Let me help. Here are 3 things not to say on a first date:

1. "I, I, I". If you are talking all about yourself, trying to impress your date, it's a mistake

You're not trying to prove yourself, and this is not connecting

Real connecting looks like: "You talk. They talk. You talk."

And it's best to focus more on asking questions and being a good listener than making it all about you

Some people might mistakenly brag or name drop, but neither of these will be effective in creating a bond

In fact research shows that kind of conversation is pretty offputting

Make your conversation a two way street where neither of you is having a monologue

2. "What do you want in a relationship?"

Turning the first date into a fact finding mission so you can see if they match your list is heavy and will not create an emotional bond between  you two

It can even be fear-based, trying to avoid another unavailable guy, but avoiding anything does not work well

You can assume your date wants what you do, but it will remain to be seen whether you want it with each other

Let the time together stay all about connecting

Enjoying each other comes first

You will see soon enough if the two of you want to continue or not

3. "My ex was a real gold digger. It's made me cautious about who I let in."

I would avoid talking about anyone in a negative way

When you do, you show yourself as judgmental and your date will begin wondering how you are judging him (or her)

I once had a client who was so locked into past mistakes that she judged each date through the cloudy lens of fear 

She had to learn that she would get different results now that she had changed

And approach each date with faith and trust

Instead of worrying what she would do if another guy proved unavailable, she had to learn to imagine the man in front of her was available and would not behave the way ex-flames had

She also had to alter her conversational patterns to connect better, something that I do with folks who dive into courses or groups with me

That was huge learning for her, and it led to her current happy marriage

Habits of past bad connecting or unhelpful conversation HAVE to be changed so you can open up to love

DO THIS INSTEAD! Instead of worrying about impressing your date or judging them, seek only to connect and create an emotional bond

THAT will keep them thinking about you after and wondering when they can see you again

Make sure you're connecting and that changes everything

You'll get to a 2nd, 3rd and 4th date until you've got a date for life!