Q: Hi Kathryn. I’ve really enjoyed your work but I feel like I have a block to love that I’ll never get rid of. I’m in a high demand job with a great deal of stress. It drains me so much that I have no time left to deal with romance.

When I try to make time for socializing, I literally have fallen asleep at parties 

Even if I met someone, I don’t know how I’d fit him into my packed schedule. A relationship just seems like added demands on me

But I don’t want to end up alone. Is there any way I can find love with this life I have?

A: It sounds like a lot on you. But rest assured, you have every hope for love

What can we do about your situation? Make a few changes

• We need to work on your internal climate & beliefs before taking any action

• It’s an issue I often deal with in private coaching & coaching groups. The two prong approach is to work on internal issues and then secondarily, change what you’re doing when not working

• The first internal shift is to find a way to put work on autopilot. You can be doing the same things with far greater stress

• The second internal shift is to start changing beliefs. Many who overwork have confidence issues. They measure their value in how much work they can do and feel they have to prove their worthiness by working far too hard

• I would tackle any belief that is running your work life including any of the following

- I have to work hard or I’ll fail

- I have to prove my value

- Hard work is necessary to succeed

- I never have any time

All of these beliefs will act true until we shift them. And once you get rid of them, newer and much nicer beliefs will rule your life

Your life can become quite charmed as a result and love is not far behind

• As we get your internal climate to nicer place, then and only then would we find some fun things to do beyond work

• And I would suggest leaving work in the office once you embark on personal time which you’ll have a lot more of as we balance your life better

So what can we do with this to get you where YOU’RE the happy one?

I hope this helps. I’ve helped many, many high flying careerists find balance and love. You can, too

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Q: Kathryn, I have a pretty good job but don’t do that well at it. I do feel underpaid

And the fact that I don’t have love really distracts me. Instead of concentrating on work, I find myself emotionally caretaking just to calm down, looking online for guys and being unfocused

Are these two related? Is there something that keeps me from really achieving at work AND not having love?

I’m just wondering because it seems like I never get what I want. And I can get pretty down about it

A: Yes! Job and love can for sure be related, and I’m sorry you’re getting down

We can fix this

I remember a time when I had nothing – neither love nor money nor a good job

And it seems like they all got better at the same time.
 
As a late bloomer, I found Jon, my husband when I was 41. Then, I got pregnant and signed a book deal on the same day. And ended up taking a 10 month old on 25 city book tour with me!

It was a crazy, busy wonderful time in which it felt like every single thing I wanted happened at once

So here’s what I suggest:

1) Let’s find hope again instead of getting depressed knowing that a couple of changes can make it all happen at once

2) One red flag you mentioned was that you feel underpaid

That’s a sign of an issue we need to address. The root cause is probably the same reason that love also is not coming

3) Chin up, though, because at least you do have a job, and as you find love, you will be in such a good mood that work can go better than ever

I worked with one woman, Sue, who was in a similar position as you. She had a job in which she felt she was a doormat and was so lonely that she had little energy to put into making things better at work

She was pretty paralyzed and after our intake, we had to make a core change on an issue that was negatively affecting every area of her life

As we tackled this issue, everything changed for her pretty quickly

The upshot is the best relationship of her life. She is now married to a wonderfully charming man, and they are ecstatic together

And happily, she quit her job in which she had felt so undervalued and disrespected. She got a higher-paying part-time job and has spent the rest of her time traveling and adventuring with her love, who is quite successful

Sue has never looked back!

Much love & support – chin up, you have every hope for what you want: ALL of it