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Don't Believe Me, Just Watch!
Q: Kathryn,
it is super hard to stay positive when all my friends keep shooting
down my hopes for love. They're just so negative. And say my prospects
are slim.
They get mad that I won't settle. And think I shouldn't hope for much.
How can I deal with this? So far, I get discouraged more and more of the time.
A: Let me tell you a story that will help.
Edie is one of my coaches and first discovered my work going through a divorce.
She was not exactly a spring chicken and was very fearful about finding love.
She did not want to grow old alone and yet her experience of love had been hurtful so she was scared about recreating that.
Friends and family told her to set her bar low, that at her age, she couldn't expect much.
This unthinking words made her even more fearful. After her painful divorce, she did not want to go through any more.
This is not uncommon.
When you're single, every fear that you won't find love or will have to settle will come up.
When I was single, I remember some of the hurtful things people told me:
"At your age, don't expect a good looking guy."
"All guys are having sex. You'll never find someone who is not involved, do don't even expect it."
I remember having to distance myself from one negative friend. It was just too hard when I was already feeling so vulnerable.
Edie went through the same gauntlet of naysaying and doubt.
It's something she and I had to overcome.
She healed from her past, and became strong, increasingly immune to her own fears and the negativity of others.
So to answer your question, the best way to deal with naysayers is the following:
1) Become increasingly immune to others who are negative
2) Keep hope in your heart and be careful about who you share your dreams with
3) Stay hopeful. Keep the faith
4) Do work that will back you up and fight against the deluge of naysaying you may encounter
5) Don't settle but keep your standard high
6) Build yourself up and remember you are a catch.
Edie
and I worked on this together, and then, she met John. Not only is he an
educated, handsome man but he is kind and adores her.
After
dating for about a year, he proposed on Christmas Eve. In her 60s, Edie
has experienced more romance than she could ever have dreamed of.
At their wedding, John thanked me several times for my support of him and their relationship.
He is truly in love with Edie and feels like he won the jackpot. She does, too. Everyone at the wedding was moved by their love.
At the reception, we all laughed when the song "Uptown Funk" was played. The chorus says:
"Don't believe me, just watch"
It was Edie's victory dance -- that despite the naysaying, she triumphed and got what she wanted.
I hope you'll vow to dance that same dance of triumph at your own wedding. You can!
All it
takes it developing your faith that yes, you, too, can find love. Add to
that ignoring the naysayers and doing some opening to love.
And you, too, will be singing "Don't believe me, just watch!" at your own nuptials.
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Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
5/25/13
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| On the Cover of My First Magazine! |
Hi there! I haven't blogged in a while as we update my website, but I wanted to touch base since it's been so long.
I’m on my
summer teaching tour. The East Coast has been just
amazing so far. I flew to New York to teach and officiate a wedding in Pennsylvania. (Congrats to the beautiful couple!)
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| Officiating the Wedding of my Coach Lisa Caroselli |
We had a blast and took the boys to DC to see how the country was run, too. We've traveled so much internationally that they've seen more countries than U.S. states, so we're working on that :-)
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| The Fedora Bunch on the East Coast |
San Francisco is
next week (see magazine cover above), and I look forward to
seeing many of you for my workshops there -- they're always crowded & fun.
And this
person is not alone. Are you next?
Read on to
find out how.
Love,
Kathryn
One recent email
cracked me up.
Dear Kathryn,
I’m 3 weeks into a romance just like you
describe. I am exhausted. This guy isevery single
thing that I want.
I’m so worried he will slip away
that I’ve got insomnia. It’s been a whirlwind,
and he says all of the right things.
He cannot seem
to be without me for too long.
Is this too
good to be true? Help!
This is what
we call a “quality problem,” one we’d all love
to have, right?
And it’s very
typical of those who do my work. I get letters
like this often.
If you haven’t
had soulmate love yet, when it comes, it can
freak you out.
If it’s so
terrifying, this uncovers a problem.Those who have
a hard time accepting their good are NOT UP TO
SPEED with it.
Yes, they
still get their love – as evidenced by my client who
ended up with a panic attack in the emergency room
thinking her love was leaving her while he was
cooking up a proposal.
However, you
can expedite your journey to love by being wide
open to that One who will blow every other
romance you’ve had out of the water.
Here’s how:
1. Build
yourself up. The more you feel deserving of love,
someone perfect in your eyes, the quicker (s)he will
come and the less rattled you will be when your
soulmate arrives.
2. Get used to
the idea. Start imagining this person in your
life now. When you make what you want more real
to you than your present situation, it can’t help
but come. And you will also get more sleep as you
begin dating your One :-)
3. Let go of
the fears. Angst, nervousness, desperation –
these are major delays to love. If you want love
quickly, you must get rid of these, and find the
faith that will put your love life into warp
speed.
Heartbreak
Corner: Revenge
I just read a
book called Gone Girl, and it’s all about
revenge. What a waste of time revenge is! (Though
the book is a real page turner)
It’s very
common when you break up to want revenge. Seeking
revenge -- even a little justice or closure
-- can seem
empowering.
But here’s the
hitch. Revenge is a way to fan the flames of
attachment. It’s still focusing on the person you
need to release.
And worse, plotting
revenge, seeking closure or justice keeps
you bogged down. You are not open to the
love awaiting you as long as you focus on your
ex.
Revenge is in
the opposite direction of the love you want.
It is critical
that you let go and move on no matter how
gripping the attachment might be.
Undergoing a
release process and then refocusing is the only
way to go – if you really want your soulmate (who
will make you forget your ex).
In a Relationship? No One Wins an Argument
Even
soulmates have a disagreement from time to time.
Stuff comes up, because you are still two people
with sometimes differing agendas, wounds you
are healing, needs and wants.
The
last chapter of my book Love Will Find You lays
out some "Fair Fight Rules".
It’s
good to agree that you’ll fight fair when something
comes up.
But
better still . . . what if you decided to nip an
argument in the bud and try something else?
The
problem with arguments is that they carry an energy
of opposition. Both parties get into a mindset
where they have to triumph.
No
one wins an argument. The emotional toll, the ill
will – everyone loses.
Here’s
a higher way to deal with a brewing argument.
1.
The minute that you feel an argument coming, stop
in your tracks.
2.
Try to understand what your love is really saying.
Often, it’s something like “I love you, and
I’m scared.”
3.
Point out that the two of you are starting to argue,
and that you don’t want that.
4.
Suggest that you guys take a breather, and write
down what you want.
5.
Then, hug and quietly discuss what has come up with
no win-or-lose attitude. Softness, vulnerability
uncover the real issues and the underlying
need for love & understanding.
I took French in school and always loved the term laissez-faire, which means an attitude of letting things take their course. It’s not a bad principle to use in dating – to a point. The goal is to not date long but date well without stressing yourself out. Here are some do’s and don’ts for The Laissez-Faire Dating Strategy.
1. DO kick back and enjoy the ride. Rather than get anxious to immediately find the right person, it’s much more enjoyable to vow that you’ll have fun getting to know people with the faith that your One will show up.
2. DON’T force things. Don’t push. Don’t get desperate. Don’t over reach out. It’s critical not to try to make someone fit when they’re just not IT. And trying to force something that is not going never works. Worse, if you get desperate because your date’s response is underwhelming, you will literally push them away. Desperation repels.
3. DO let a relationship grow naturally. You cannot skip or even expedite the natural process of dating. And getting overanxious doesn’t help. As long as the relationship remains dynamic with both parties interested, you can trust that it will take care of itself. You don’t have to MAKE anything happen.
4. DO let things flow. If you turn in the direction where things are flowing, it’s the fastest path to your soulmate. Even if you have to pull back or wait a bit, your One is worth the wait. When their soulmate arrives, many are taken aback at how EASY things go.
5. DO limit how laissez-faire you get. Don’t just drift along for months or years, knowing it won’t work out or trying to make it fit when it’s not working. Abandon laissez-faire in favor of a DECISION so that you move on into something that’s right once you see it’s wrong. This is where you reach the limit of being laidback. And if you just take what comes your way for fear of being rejected, you probably have a pattern of settling, and this is where you’ll need to learn to be pro-active.
I bless you for easy dating!
love,
Kathryn
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| Pirates of the Caribbean, St. Lucia Style |
Hi from St. Lucia! We've had a lovely month here and are just about to hop to our NEXT island, Antigua. I have to say that spending the winter in the Caribbean has been amazing.
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