Q: Kathryn, my best friend and I are similar in the looks department. When we go out, the same amount of guys hit on us both.

But in the past five years, she has had three proposals while I struggle to get past the first date.

I go on many first dates, but they usually don’t ask me for a second one.

And the few relationships that have gone longer fizzle after a few months.

Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m told I have a good personality, I’m easygoing and do try my best to flirt.

My friend and I are very similar but how does she manage to get so many guys ga-ga over her?

She herself doesn’t know, and I can’t see that big a difference between the two of us.

I’d love to get your advice on what I need to do differently.

A: That’s a great question, and I’m sorry you’re having issues with dating.

It’s definitely something you’re doing or NOT doing that your friend does, since you two are similar.

I’d venture to guess that it has to do with your energy and what you do on a date.

There are certain things you can do that will create chemistry right away – to get you beyond Date 1.

You can make it so it feels like it’s been longer and he’ll be wanting more of you.

You can use this same process to forge a deep bond fairly quickly so your date will want to go into a commitment with you.

As you probably know, a good portion of my massive Wall of Weddings are folks who had a similar problem.

I’ve coached many, many women into a commitment, engagement and wedding who had a series of fizzles before they found my work.

Here are some basics,

• don’t try to be a big wit. That is NOT what creates a bond

• ask more questions. There are several questions you can pose that will create a bond that has him wanting more

• look in his eyes deeply and do smile. This is one of several bonding behaviors you can do to make him feel comfortable around you and close with you

• make a conscious effort to flirt. Everyone has their unique style but flirting adds a light sexual connection which creates chemistry

I bless you for finding the perfect love for you, your soulmate, and learning to date toward that delicious goal.

To hear an audio version of this blog, click here:
http://iTeleseminar.com/72075054

The answer to this week's question may seem weird but it's amazingly powerful.
Enjoy!

love,
Kathryn


Q: Kathryn, I met a guy recently through a friend, and we really seemed to click. We went out, and it went well. We made out a little bit, and I even thought perhaps he could be the One. He just had so much that I was looking for.

He said he'd call, but I've waited and waited. And he has never asked me out again. I've tried to find out what happened through my friend, but I don't want to seem pushy and we don't talk that often.

This is a pattern for me. It's happened more than once, and I'm baffled and hurt.

Why did he not call? Is it me?! Did I do something wrong? What can I do to avoid this ever, ever happening again?

A: You're not alone. I hear this kind of story all the time. It's a pattern caused by your energy and the way you date.

Imagine exuding an energy to get a man you really like, to desire you, fall for you, and feel like he cannot wait to pin you down for another date.

Imagine being able to make a man who has lost interest in you suddenly perk up when he sees you.

Imagine dating so well that you get lots of interest, and very quickly seal the deal with The One.

You may know this is something I teach, and it's why I have a huge wall of weddings -- of people who, like you, had a bad dating pattern and felt there was something wrong with them.

So what is the wildly effective method to never repeat this pattern again?

1. Watch your energy. If you exude even a hint of desperation, then guess what? Men sense it and change their mind about you even if they liked you at first. Desperation repels.

There's something I teach called the Levels of Attraction, and if you're at Soulmate Level, you will never, ever have this experience again and go quickly into love. This is something revealed in my Soulmate Bootcamp.

You will never look at love the same way once you know this secret.

2. Also, check yourself to see if dating disempowers you. All sorts of confidence issues and insecurities arise when you are dating.

The quality I've dubbed the "Universal Attractant" is confidence. As you gain it -- and there is a proven way to do so -- then all of sudden people come out of the woodwork interested in you.

One key to my high success rate in love is instilling in people an awareness of who they are and teaching them how to date in a confident way. It makes ALL of the difference.

3. What's your script?

If you keep getting the same results over and over -- like a fizzled romance that seemed promising, you've got an undesirable script that we have to get rid of.



A script is an energy we have about us that teaches people how to treat us. We have different scripts in different parts of our lives and in dating, no doubt your script could use some tweaking.

The "Universal Attractant Kit" program includes a bonus called "Changing Your Script" that shows you how to alter your script for immediate and very fun results.

One woman who had always been ignored had 3 guys begging for her number when she dropped by a party for only an hour.

I bless you for getting beyond this pattern.

You'll be surprised at how quickly you can change everything with these 3 tweaks.

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

One of the biggest questions I get from singles is how to connect with someone super attractive to them.

No matter how outgoing you are, you can get tongue-tied when faced with a hottie. Fear of rejection or sheer intimidation can kick in.

If you do not learn to connect with those you are attracted to you, you rule out those most likely to be your soulmate. So, we HAVE to tackle this issue!

Here's my easy two step formula to learning to connect with those you are attracted to:

1. Boost yourself up. Remind yourself you are not chopped liver. Put yourself up on that pedestal with this hottie, and remember that they are lucky to connect with you. You are a good conversationalist, and have something they want.

2. Be sensitive to this person. Rather than trying to come across as a big wit, put on your listening cap and think about who this person is and what (s)he might need. Ask him or her a question. Bring them out, and you don't have to worry about what to say.

You don't want to approach them with any big agenda. Instead, the sole intention is to connect. The rest can come later.

I have had a phenomenal success rate with the shy and the introverted by using this method, which plays to their strengths.

You will get better with practice, so my challenge to you is to try this method on 3 people you are attracted to this week.