Q: Kathryn, I'm a pretty big introvert, and right now, I'm miserable. I need my home time and find it hard to go out. And yet, I get super lonely at home because I haven't yet found love. I need to get out for some companionship and yet this is hard on me. And I do feel pressure to get out to meet someone. What do I do? How am I going to get through the holidays?

A: I had this same problem when I was single, and I have a name for it: "The Introvert's Dilemma"

It's hard because we introverts need our alone and home time and yet, it can get lonely there until we find love. Here are some suggestions:

1) Find a balance of staying home and occasionally getting out. Plan on some things to do, even getting proactive, so you aren't miserable during the holidays. Ask friends and family what they are doing and while pacing yourself, do make some plans. You can even invite people over to your house for a gathering.

2) Remember that you may very well attract love while staying at home if you are doing my work. It's my specialty. But you will still need to connect with someone you don't yet know so you'll need to be okay with going out with this person once you attract them

3) For introverts, one thing that works is developing a comfortable few places to go where you know folks -- a circle of friends, a spiritual center, a restaurant or a regular class. It feels more like home and in this way, you're expanding your ability to get out at least a little bit without undue stress.

4) Keep your end game in mind. When you meet your soulmate and seal the deal, you're living together and your delicious companionship is right there at home. This person gets your need for alone time and yet is there for you, and provides a great connection at home. Your love can often do the more extroverted chores like shopping and shlepping so this is really something to look forward to!

One Suggestion: I am teaching on a 7 day cruise in February 2015. This is very rare for me. If you come, the setup is that you will have built-in connections, including me and my family. I am including for anyone signing up through me some prep work to make connecting easier and an on-board scavenger hunt that will automatically cause you to meet others in a pressure-free, instructive way that will enhance your social skills. (You will not believe how many people have met and married from meeting at my events or made life long friends!)

We will have 7 days together, and my intention is for it to be a great time of making new friends, learning so much about heart connecting and possibly finding love, too. There will rarely be this kind of a chance to get out in a gentle, supportive environment, so I hope you join me and my fellow teachers. Find out more while you can still get in (it's filling up) at this link:

http://www.divinetravels.com/ValentinesCruise2015.html

I'm blessing you for finding your way through the Introvert's Dilemma as so many of us have done. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you are absolutely supported in being the introvert that you are. There are many, many pluses to being an introvert, and you do get a love that fits in with your life perfectly!

I took French in school and always loved the term laissez-faire, which means an attitude of letting things take their course. It’s not a bad principle to use in dating – to a point. The goal is to not date long but date well without stressing yourself out. Here are some do’s and don’ts for The Laissez-Faire Dating Strategy.

1. DO kick back and enjoy the ride. Rather than get anxious to immediately find the right person, it’s much more enjoyable to vow that you’ll have fun getting to know people with the faith that your One will show up.

2. DON’T force things. Don’t push. Don’t get desperate. Don’t over reach out. It’s critical not to try to make someone fit when they’re just not IT. And trying to force something that is not going never works. Worse, if you get desperate because your date’s response is underwhelming, you will literally push them away. Desperation repels.

3. DO let a relationship grow naturally. You cannot skip or even expedite the natural process of dating. And getting overanxious doesn’t help. As long as the relationship remains dynamic with both parties interested, you can trust that it will take care of itself. You don’t have to MAKE anything happen.

4. DO let things flow. If you turn in the direction where things are flowing, it’s the fastest path to your soulmate. Even if you have to pull back or wait a bit, your One is worth the wait. When their soulmate arrives, many are taken aback at how EASY things go.

5. DO limit how laissez-faire you get. Don’t just drift along for months or years, knowing it won’t work out or trying to make it fit when it’s not working. Abandon laissez-faire in favor of a DECISION so that you move on into something that’s right once you see it’s wrong. This is where you reach the limit of being laidback. And if you just take what comes your way for fear of being rejected, you probably have a pattern of settling, and this is where you’ll need to learn to be pro-active.

I bless you for easy dating!

love,
Kathryn

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3/31/11

Pirates of the Caribbean, St. Lucia Style

Hi from St. Lucia! We've had a lovely month here and are just about to hop to our NEXT island, Antigua. I have to say that spending the winter in the Caribbean has been amazing.