If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

If you’re despairing at being single over the holidays, take heart! It is very common for people to meet their soulmate somewhere along the year end festivities. Perhaps it’s the intensified longing that brings love or the many parties or reaching out that is done during the season. But if you undertake the upcoming days with the right attitude, you may be surprised at what happens. Some tips on making holiday magic happen:

1. Put connection first and foremost. Do everything you can to bring enjoyment to your holidays. This puts you in a magnetic frame of mind & you’ll have fun even if love doesn’t come along.

2. Plan well. Keep your energy positive by setting up some treats for yourself such as spending time with friends, a good novel or even avoiding things that bring you down. Learning to take care of your own happiness is key to attracting love, even if the activity doesn’t seem directly related to meeting someone.

3. Appreciate the Season’s Gifts. Maybe time with family brings up your stuff (& by all means, minimize it if you need to or schedule breaks from them), but there are many things about the holidays to appreciate. Time off from work. Festive occasions. Gifts to unwrap and to give. Revel in the break from routine in any way you can.

I have no doubt that many will be emailing me with their delightful holiday love stories, and I hope YOU’RE one of them!

Holiday Heartbreak

Going through the holidays shortly after a divorce, a breakup, heartbreak or even a death can cast a pall on them. But you can make the best of the time and even find comfort in it. And if you use the above advice to find new love, you wouldn’t be the first to do so even as you grieve.

• Don’t expect life to be normal. You won’t be up to snuff, but you can choose a focus to minimize pain.

• Being with others and seeking connection with friends, family and meeting new people can help you to quit dwelling on the past.

• It is certainly a time for self-indulgence. You’ve never had a better excuse to opt out of things you don’t enjoy or to stay home all day in your jammies watching reality t.v. marathons.

• But don’t indulge in a pity party. Do a release and then replace it with hope for your future and some steps in that direction. Feeding the attachment by wallowing in it will put you through needless misery. 

love and support,
Kathryn

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here: http://iTeleseminar.com/72863814


Enjoy this Q & A from someone having trouble finding love.


Q: I am diving into a lot of your work. 

I'm having a hard time visualizing and imagining myself with anyone other than one man I know whom I have never been involved with romantically and who is currently in a partnership/living with his girlfriend. 

Any tips for letting go of that and visualizing someone else?  It's been a problem for me for the past 3 years since I met him.  I cannot get him out of my head although I've tried.

A: I'm so happy you're enjoying my work.

But I have to be honest. I'm concerned about you.

The single biggest block to love I've ever seen is attachment to the wrong person. And you are exhibiting major symptoms of just that.

I don't even consider you available until we handle this attachment. So, this is what I would do:

1) Shelf any work you are doing to try and attract love. It is completely USELESS until this is dealt with

2) Set a very strong intention to dissolve your attachment to this unavailable man whom you've never even been involved with



Remind yourself that God has to have something better for you than that! (And rest assured, there is an available, hot guy waiting for you to become available yourself)

3) Do some heavy duty releasing work.

Get and do the guided meditation on the "Releasing" recording. Even consider the Release Kit. You need to pull out the big guns if you are really serious about finding love.

http://www.kathrynalice.com/shop_1.htm

http://www.kathrynalice.com/releasekit/

4) As you release, do not allow yourself to focus back on this man. When you're tempted to envision him, force yourself to see beyond him. Even a close replica who can't see past you and adores you will do.

I cannot tell you how critical it is for you to take your life off hold. Until you do, you're pretty stuck.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but chin up! You have every hope in the world for the love you want.

You just need to deal with this attachment, and you can move very quickly into true soulmate love.

I support you in that! ♥

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here: http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=71540688


Don't Believe Me, Just Watch!

Q: Kathryn, it is super hard to stay positive when all my friends keep shooting down my hopes for love. They're just so negative. And say my prospects are slim.

They get mad that I won't settle. And think I shouldn't hope for much.

How can I deal with this? So far, I get discouraged more and more of the time.

A: Let me tell you a story that will help.

Edie is one of my coaches and first discovered my work going through a divorce.

She was not exactly a spring chicken and was very fearful about finding love.

She did not want to grow old alone and yet her experience of love had been hurtful so she was scared about recreating that.

Friends and family told her to set her bar low, that at her age, she couldn't expect much.

This unthinking words made her even more fearful. After her painful divorce, she did not want to go through any more.

This is not uncommon.

When you're single, every fear that you won't find love or will have to settle will come up.

When I was single, I remember some of the hurtful things people told me:

"At your age, don't expect a good looking guy."

"All guys are having sex. You'll never find someone who is not involved, do don't even expect it."

I remember having to distance myself from one negative friend. It was just too hard when I was already feeling so vulnerable.

Edie went through the same gauntlet of naysaying and doubt.

It's something she and I had to overcome.

She healed from her past, and became strong, increasingly immune to her own fears and the negativity of others.

So to answer your question, the best way to deal with naysayers is the following:

1) Become increasingly immune to others who are negative

2) Keep hope in your heart and be careful about who you share your dreams with

3) Stay hopeful. Keep the faith

4) Do work that will back you up and fight against the deluge of naysaying you may encounter

5) Don't settle but keep your standard high

6) Build yourself up and remember you are a catch.

Edie and I worked on this together, and then, she met John. Not only is he an educated, handsome man but he is kind and adores her.

After dating for about a year, he proposed on Christmas Eve. In her 60s, Edie has experienced more romance than she could ever have dreamed of.
The newly married Edie & John

At their wedding, John thanked me several times for my support of him and their relationship.

He is truly in love with Edie and feels like he won the jackpot. She does, too. Everyone at the wedding was moved by their love.

At the reception, we all laughed when the song "Uptown Funk" was played. The chorus says:

"Don't believe me, just watch"

It was Edie's victory dance -- that despite the naysaying, she triumphed and got what she wanted.

I hope you'll vow to dance that same dance of triumph at your own wedding. You can!

All it takes it developing your faith that yes, you, too, can find love. Add to that ignoring the naysayers and doing some opening to love.

And you, too, will be singing "Don't believe me, just watch!" at your own nuptials.

---      ---      ---

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

S

If there is something that eludes you, either one of two things are going on:

1) You are conflicted about it even if you think you want it.

For example, you want love but you secretly fear that if you find the right person, you’ll be stuck and lose your freedom.

When you’re not lined up with a dream, it is much harder to manifest it.

2) You have a long history of impossibility thinking about your desire. There’s so much negativity that you’re sure you can’t have it.

For example, one person I worked with had it drilled into her head since childhood that being wealthy was pie in the sky. She came from a working class family that struggled with money.

She was sure that prosperity was difficult. She could not have money until she let go of that large body of thought she had accumulated that affirmed she would always live hand-to-mouth.

Can you imagine having what you want or does it seem very far away?

If it’s the latter, you have some work to do.

love,

Kathryn

5/25/13

On the Cover of My First Magazine!

Hi there! I haven't blogged in a while as we update my website, but I wanted to touch base since it's been so long.

I’m on my summer teaching tour. The East Coast has been just amazing so far. I flew to New York to teach and officiate a wedding in Pennsylvania. (Congrats to the beautiful couple!)

Officiating the Wedding of my Coach Lisa Caroselli

We had a blast and took the boys to DC to see how the country was run, too. We've traveled so much internationally that they've seen more countries than U.S. states, so we're working on that :-)

The Fedora Bunch on the East Coast

San Francisco is next week (see magazine cover above), and I look forward to seeing many of you for my workshops there -- they're always crowded & fun.

Boy is love in the air! Below is a fascinating email I got about not being able to sleep.

And this person is not alone. Are you next?

Read on to find out how.

Love,

Kathryn

I Cannot Sleep

One recent email cracked me up.

Dear Kathryn, 

I’m 3 weeks into a romance just like you describe. I am exhausted. This guy isevery single thing that I want. 

I’m so worried he will slip away that I’ve got insomnia. It’s been a whirlwind, and he says all of the right things.

He cannot seem to be without me for too long. 

Is this too good to be true? Help!

This is what we call a “quality problem,” one we’d all love to have, right?

And it’s very typical of those who do my work. I get letters like this often.

If you haven’t had soulmate love yet, when it comes, it can freak you out.

If it’s so terrifying, this uncovers a problem.Those who have a hard time accepting their good are NOT UP TO SPEED with it.

Yes, they still get their love – as evidenced by my client who ended up with a panic attack in the emergency room thinking her love was leaving her while he was cooking up a proposal.

However, you can expedite your journey to love by being wide open to that One who will blow every other romance you’ve had out of the water.

Here’s how:

1. Build yourself up. The more you feel deserving of love, someone perfect in your eyes, the quicker (s)he will come and the less rattled you will be when your soulmate arrives.

2. Get used to the idea. Start imagining this person in your life now. When you make what you want more real to you than your present situation, it can’t help but come. And you will also get more sleep as you begin dating your One :-)

3. Let go of the fears. Angst, nervousness, desperation – these are major delays to love. If you want love quickly, you must get rid of these, and find the faith that will put your love life into warp speed.

Heartbreak Corner: Revenge

I just read a book called Gone Girl, and it’s all about revenge. What a waste of time revenge is! (Though the book is a real page turner)

It’s very common when you break up to want revenge. Seeking revenge -- even a little justice or closure

-- can seem empowering.

But here’s the hitch. Revenge is a way to fan the flames of attachment. It’s still focusing on the person you need to release.

And worse, plotting revenge, seeking closure or justice keeps you bogged down. You are not open to the love awaiting you as long as you focus on your ex.

Revenge is in the opposite direction of the love you want.

It is critical that you let go and move on no matter how gripping the attachment might be.

Undergoing a release process and then refocusing is the only way to go – if you really want your soulmate (who will make you forget your ex).

Try my Releasing a Person work (book, CD or download) -- which is inexpensive & effective. People swear by it.

In a Relationship? No One Wins an Argument

Even soulmates have a disagreement from time to time. Stuff comes up, because you are still two people with sometimes differing agendas, wounds you are healing, needs and wants.

The last chapter of my book Love Will Find You lays out some "Fair Fight Rules".

It’s good to agree that you’ll fight fair when something comes up.

But better still . . . what if you decided to nip an argument in the bud and try something else?

The problem with arguments is that they carry an energy of opposition. Both parties get into a mindset where they have to triumph.

No one wins an argument. The emotional toll, the ill will – everyone loses.

Here’s a higher way to deal with a brewing argument.

1. The minute that you feel an argument coming, stop in your tracks.

2. Try to understand what your love is really saying. Often, it’s something like “I love you, and I’m scared.”

3. Point out that the two of you are starting to argue, and that you don’t want that.

4. Suggest that you guys take a breather, and write down what you want.

5. Then, hug and quietly discuss what has come up with no win-or-lose attitude. Softness, vulnerability uncover the real issues and the underlying need for love & understanding.