The moment that you meet someone interesting, there is a tendency to get a bit crazy. What happens? Hope arises which in turn can bring up vulnerability, fear and anxiety. We used to see people in the Crisis Clinic suffering far too much over a new dating situation.

Because my work sees so much manifestation, we’ve had a rash of “no man’s land” panic lately. Up half the night waiting for a text. Agonizing on whether (s)he’s right or not. An anxiety attack over the thought of losing him while he’s on a trip.

My advice? Calm the heck down. Here’s how:

1. Remember that God doesn’t meet you ½ way or ¾ of the way. You GET your soulmate, no matter what.

2. Remind yourself that we all have different communication styles and some people might not phone as often. It doesn’t mean they’re not interested.

3. Get busy with your life. Do not hover over the

phone or keep checking for emails. As things blossom, you’ll have less time, so get your ducks in a row now. It’ll take your mind off the obsessing.

4. Take heart in the fact that you’ve met someone interesting. If you’ve set an intention for soulmate love, it’s already a done deal. This interest – regardless of whether it leads to more – is a sign you’re heading in the right direction.

Bottom Line: don’t let fear take away from your relishing this experience. You get love no matter what, so why not relax into the deliciousness of this interaction?

Here's to a FUN dating experience!

Q: Dear Kathryn, 

I am a fan of your work.

I'm a single woman in my early thirties and my track record with men has been disastrous.

The men I went out with abused me.

In spite of the abuse I received, I stayed because I thought being with someone was better than being alone (I've always had issues with abandonment.)

They ended up leaving me in the end. I was never loved. 

I discovered your work while surfing Amazon.com. Shortly thereafter, I met a guy who was completely different than my exes. He was attractive, kind, smart and treated me with decorum. I truly thought he was The One.

Then after two years of dating, he left me. Needless to say I was broken-hearted.

What went wrong for me? Am I destined to be alone? I fear opening again only to find a guy, who will leave me yet again.

A: I’m very proud of you that you’ve overcome settling for abusive guys. This is a huge step forward, and I know changing that pattern was not easy. To answer your question:

1) I call your experience a “soulmate benchmark.” It means that you had a breakthrough, and that counts. Even though it didn’t work out, rather than take it as another failure, I consider it a major step in the right direction, so keep going! You are unraveling years of a horrendous pattern, so it might take you a bit longer to get solid with a new one, but you’re doing super well.

2) Abandonment issues fly right out the window once you meet the love of your life, who will never abandon you.

3) Trying to avoid something (like future heartbreak) never works. It’s akin to the philosophy of not wanting anything, because then you won’t get disappointed. It’s best to have a vision of what you want instead and keep that in your heart.

4) You are NOT destined to be alone. The desires of our heart are put there by God, because we GET them. So, love is in your future, but you must consciously choose it. I really hope you will!

I would say 95% of those I work with have had a bad dating pattern that we transcended

And almost 100% secretly feared they would end up alone

0% -- NONE -- of them ended up alone in the end

Neither will you

• A recent client who got engaged spent 5 years as a single mom, and her longest relationship had been just 3 months

• She was sure she was unlucky in love and would never have it

• Plus she was ON HER KNEES with the weight of single motherhood plus her fears about love

• It was with great delight that we turned her around, got her more resilient with dating

• Yes, she weathered a couple of bumps in the road but met an amazing guy after 3 months, one far superior to any guy she'd ever dated

• This one stuck, and they are now getting married in a couple of months

• She is SO GLAD nothing ever worked out before, because she says she would never have been this happy with anyone else

So hang in there! You will have this, too. I affirm the best is yet to come!

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

http://events.iteleseminar.com/?eventID=94430919

Q: Kathryn how can I believe in soulmate love when all I see are unhappy couples struggling and also divorce? I’m not married but right now, many of my friends are either in the midst of a divorce or in a bickering, miserable relationship that I would never want

I know I don’t want that. I don’t want to ever have to get divorced. And I don’t want a husband that I fight with all of the time

I’d rather stay single than any of that! Please tell me how to keep hope when I have no idea that soulmate love could really exist when I see all of this happening around me?

A: We need to work on changing your perspective. When you have that idea – that relationships are really not that great of a thing to have – then you will get evidence to support it, unfortunately

So we need to reframe it for you with a better belief and then look to get it backed up

A belief to have that will help you is this (a great affirmation to memorize in your case:

A relationship with my soulmate is EASY, harmonious and never ends

 

• When you are with your soulmate, it’s the easiest relationship you’ll ever have (so none of your past experience or what you see around you is relevant
• And it’s not even remotely hard to stay together
• People that you are seeing around you in unhappy relationships have never experienced soulmate love
• They settled before they met their true soulmate which is why they’re divorcing or bickering
• If you really want the love of your life, you’re going to have to decide that this is not true for YOU
• Otherwise, you’ll keep finding evidence to support this bad idea of relationships you have, and be unable to produce the love you want

I’m so lucky that with what I do, I only see happy couples around me. Those I work with plus most of my friends and family are in soulmate relationships that are easy, harmonious and long-lasting
And yes, many of these unions are due to my work or influence

So remember that love is possible as are really good, soulmate relationships


I’m sending you my love & support for getting the love you so want & absolutely deserve!

Q: Kathryn, my best friend and I are similar in the looks department. When we go out, the same amount of guys hit on us both.

But in the past five years, she has had three proposals while I struggle to get past the first date.

I go on many first dates, but they usually don’t ask me for a second one.

And the few relationships that have gone longer fizzle after a few months.

Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m told I have a good personality, I’m easygoing and do try my best to flirt.

My friend and I are very similar but how does she manage to get so many guys ga-ga over her?

She herself doesn’t know, and I can’t see that big a difference between the two of us.

I’d love to get your advice on what I need to do differently.

A: That’s a great question, and I’m sorry you’re having issues with dating.

It’s definitely something you’re doing or NOT doing that your friend does, since you two are similar.

I’d venture to guess that it has to do with your energy and what you do on a date.

There are certain things you can do that will create chemistry right away – to get you beyond Date 1.

You can make it so it feels like it’s been longer and he’ll be wanting more of you.

You can use this same process to forge a deep bond fairly quickly so your date will want to go into a commitment with you.

As you probably know, a good portion of my massive Wall of Weddings are folks who had a similar problem.

I’ve coached many, many women into a commitment, engagement and wedding who had a series of fizzles before they found my work.

Here are some basics,

• don’t try to be a big wit. That is NOT what creates a bond

• ask more questions. There are several questions you can pose that will create a bond that has him wanting more

• look in his eyes deeply and do smile. This is one of several bonding behaviors you can do to make him feel comfortable around you and close with you

• make a conscious effort to flirt. Everyone has their unique style but flirting adds a light sexual connection which creates chemistry

I bless you for finding the perfect love for you, your soulmate, and learning to date toward that delicious goal.

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here: http://iTeleseminar.com/72863814


Enjoy this Q & A from someone having trouble finding love.


Q: I am diving into a lot of your work. 

I'm having a hard time visualizing and imagining myself with anyone other than one man I know whom I have never been involved with romantically and who is currently in a partnership/living with his girlfriend. 

Any tips for letting go of that and visualizing someone else?  It's been a problem for me for the past 3 years since I met him.  I cannot get him out of my head although I've tried.

A: I'm so happy you're enjoying my work.

But I have to be honest. I'm concerned about you.

The single biggest block to love I've ever seen is attachment to the wrong person. And you are exhibiting major symptoms of just that.

I don't even consider you available until we handle this attachment. So, this is what I would do:

1) Shelf any work you are doing to try and attract love. It is completely USELESS until this is dealt with

2) Set a very strong intention to dissolve your attachment to this unavailable man whom you've never even been involved with



Remind yourself that God has to have something better for you than that! (And rest assured, there is an available, hot guy waiting for you to become available yourself)

3) Do some heavy duty releasing work.

Get and do the guided meditation on the "Releasing" recording. Even consider the Release Kit. You need to pull out the big guns if you are really serious about finding love.

http://www.kathrynalice.com/shop_1.htm

http://www.kathrynalice.com/releasekit/

4) As you release, do not allow yourself to focus back on this man. When you're tempted to envision him, force yourself to see beyond him. Even a close replica who can't see past you and adores you will do.

I cannot tell you how critical it is for you to take your life off hold. Until you do, you're pretty stuck.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but chin up! You have every hope in the world for the love you want.

You just need to deal with this attachment, and you can move very quickly into true soulmate love.

I support you in that! ♥

 

To hear an audio version of this blog, click here:

Q: Kathryn, Why is it so easy for me in other areas but so hard in love?

I have a great career that I'm proud of. I have tons of friends, am close with my family and even head up a volunteer effort. But I cannot seem to find my guy, and love has always been hard for me.

Why is this and what can I do about it?

A: There are a couple of reasons this might be so.

1) Other areas like job are linear. Logical. An easy-to-see progression.

2) Secondary goals will have less resistance, but with a big goal, you will smack up into ALL of your resistance. The key is getting around it. But it's valuable because you can really move if you face your blocks head-on. How?

• When I work with someone on an issue like this, we'll assess where the wall is

• It depends on the nature of your past relationships and even your childhood

• Once we pinpoint the blocks, we can put together a protocol to move forward. Some blocks might be sheer resistance. Others may come up as you interact with likely prospects

• It really helps that you have success templates in other areas. That can be put to good use

Here's an example of a woman that I helped.

During intake, "Sue" admitted she had never had a successful relationship.

The longest one she'd had was 4 months, and it just fizzled after a while. He quit calling.

Sue was very head-centered, and like you, she had a very good career.

She tended to connect with men in work mode, not from her heart. And there was some past trauma thrown in there that added extra resistance.

We put in a protocol of:

- becoming more heart-centered when outside of work

- scheduled free, fun time

- worked on flirting and laughing and just enjoying herself

- Sue had to learn to create emotional bonding, too

But the upshot is the most lasting relationship of her life. She is engaged to a wonderfully charming man, and they are moving in together.

Yes, the things we want the most can seem elusive, but with some work at dissolving the resistance, they can still happen and happen quickly.

I bless you for finding your way through your own resistance.

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

Q: Kathryn, I'm a pretty big introvert, and right now, I'm miserable. I need my home time and find it hard to go out. And yet, I get super lonely at home because I haven't yet found love. I need to get out for some companionship and yet this is hard on me. And I do feel pressure to get out to meet someone. What do I do? How am I going to get through the holidays?

A: I had this same problem when I was single, and I have a name for it: "The Introvert's Dilemma"

It's hard because we introverts need our alone and home time and yet, it can get lonely there until we find love. Here are some suggestions:

1) Find a balance of staying home and occasionally getting out. Plan on some things to do, even getting proactive, so you aren't miserable during the holidays. Ask friends and family what they are doing and while pacing yourself, do make some plans. You can even invite people over to your house for a gathering.

2) Remember that you may very well attract love while staying at home if you are doing my work. It's my specialty. But you will still need to connect with someone you don't yet know so you'll need to be okay with going out with this person once you attract them

3) For introverts, one thing that works is developing a comfortable few places to go where you know folks -- a circle of friends, a spiritual center, a restaurant or a regular class. It feels more like home and in this way, you're expanding your ability to get out at least a little bit without undue stress.

4) Keep your end game in mind. When you meet your soulmate and seal the deal, you're living together and your delicious companionship is right there at home. This person gets your need for alone time and yet is there for you, and provides a great connection at home. Your love can often do the more extroverted chores like shopping and shlepping so this is really something to look forward to!

One Suggestion: I am teaching on a 7 day cruise in February 2015. This is very rare for me. If you come, the setup is that you will have built-in connections, including me and my family. I am including for anyone signing up through me some prep work to make connecting easier and an on-board scavenger hunt that will automatically cause you to meet others in a pressure-free, instructive way that will enhance your social skills. (You will not believe how many people have met and married from meeting at my events or made life long friends!)

We will have 7 days together, and my intention is for it to be a great time of making new friends, learning so much about heart connecting and possibly finding love, too. There will rarely be this kind of a chance to get out in a gentle, supportive environment, so I hope you join me and my fellow teachers. Find out more while you can still get in (it's filling up) at this link:

http://www.divinetravels.com/ValentinesCruise2015.html

I'm blessing you for finding your way through the Introvert's Dilemma as so many of us have done. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you are absolutely supported in being the introvert that you are. There are many, many pluses to being an introvert, and you do get a love that fits in with your life perfectly!

May 20, 2012

What a magical day our wedding was!

It has been busy, busy with Jon and I celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary, his birthday, Mother's Day and baseball games. What a whirlwind this marriage has been! Two babies, two times around the world, a book, a business and much more. It still feels fresh and exciting, which I consider one of the hallmarks of soulmate love (you get this, too!)


Finally, I don't care if you've been single for 35 years -- which is the case for one of the recent success stories to join my "wall of weddings." You have every hope for love. And even when you're completely discouraged and ready to give up, it doesn't change the fact that there is someone for you. Read on for 3 reasons why you need not despair.


love,
Kathryn

3 Reasons You Can Skip the Despair

How many times have I heard someone say "I'm ready to give up" or "I just can't do this any more" in regards to their love lives? Pretty regularly. I know it can be hard when your love life seems to be a "dating desert" or when you've been on your 15th disappointing coffee from match.com.

You just don't have any more energy for getting knocked down again. No one does it for you. And if you meet someone interesting, they're either married or indifferent. Meanwhile, you're kicking yourself for screwing it up with your ex, because (s)he may be the best you can ever hope for.

None of this changes the fact that you get love. There is someone looking for you right this minute. Here are 3 reasons why you need not despair.

1. Remember it's a process. Every dissapointing date, every minute you've got a vacuum where love can come in (which can look like feeling lonely), brings you closer to love. Does a 1-year-old put their head in their hands and weep when they fall down for the 20th time in their quest to walk? Not usually. They just try again. You're well along your journey to love, so get up and keep going!

2. You get to be happiest. If you have waited a while for love, you're the one who will never take it for granted when it comes. You held out for the Real Deal, your One, and it will be worth the wait. You didn't settle. And it will pay off as you pass everyone you know in the love department.

3. Love can happen in an instant. For all you know, you may meet someone today or tomorrow. Love is not like a career where you experience a steady progress to success. You go from 0 to 90 in a single second. One minute, you're alone and the next minute, you're giddily in love, making plans for a life together. So, no matter how bleak it may look at the moment, it can and will change quickly.

Besides all of the above, despair can delay your progress, and we don't want THAT, right? So, chin up! You still have every hope for love, and I support you in remaining open and positive.