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Have you ever had a walk of shame or a bad morning after experience with a date?

Read on to find out how to never have that happen again

Q: Oh, God. I am a life coach so you would think I would know better but right now, I feel humiliated

I’ve been flirting with this guy I know through mutual friends for a few months. I have to admit I developed a crush on him

He is so sexy to me, and I was hoping it might go somewhere

Last night, I ended up going home with him after a get-together. I had a few drinks in me, and he lived close to the party. We were getting pretty handsy, making out at the event, one thing led to another and it ended in his bed

At the time, it felt like a dream. We were getting close, he was saying very romantic things like “I’ve always wanted to kiss you”. It was hot and heavy!

I had a great time and I think he did, too. I fell asleep in his bed, and when I woke up, it was different. Basically, it felt like he wanted me out of there

He was kind of cold, not lovey dovey like last night. He didn’t offer me coffee or breakfast. He didn’t even offer to walk me to my car a few blocks away where the party was

He said he was late for work and needed to go. It was pretty abrupt and threw cold water on any hopes I had for a relationship

So I had my walk of shame back to my car, slinking back to get it with messy hair, clothes from the night before and praying no friends were around to see me

I am so depressed right now. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? I am humiliated and I guess it’s clear he doesn’t want any more than he got last night

A: Well, I think we can safely cross this guy off of your list

He’s not worthy of you to treat you that way in the end

And I wouldn’t even bother being humiliated. If anyone should be, it’s him for taking you home with him and then being a very poor host

But let’s learn from this so you can attract a better experience into your life

1. We need more of a green light than a casual flirtation to spend the night with someone. Going home after a party with drinks involved is too easy and as you can feel right now, not honoring enough of you

2. There are times when people will say anything and act any way to get you in bed. Some are very practiced at this to get what they want. He may have been one of those people

3. That is why it’s better to wait longer and be sure of someone’s intentions. If it’s your soulmate, he’ll be willing to wait on you until you feel ready to get close

4. It feels like your crush on him made you abandon judgment and go for it with him even though there were signs it wasn’t serious on his end. Crushes can make us see through rose colored glasses

5. It’s good to make sure you’re not doing all the heavy lifting in a relationship. It was very easy for him to get close to you and take you home. He didn’t have to plan a date, didn’t have to even ask you out. In the future, make sure it’s really mutual

6. Here’s some soothing news now. Most of us have done a walk of shame before, getting into something where we gave way too much and felt hurt and humiliated. It does not mean you are doomed to never find love

We just have to learn from this and do better next time

• Hold yourself to a higher standard. And even if you have a crush, I’d go slowly to make sure it’s based on something solid

• Your soulmate will be even more hot to you PLUS he’ll be wild about you and make no bones about it

• There is nothing more satisfying than finding that one with whom your first night together is off the chain. He doesn’t want you to leave in the morning, makes you coffee and breakfast and is already asking when he can see you again

• He cuddles you in the morning, rubs your back and revels in you still being there

• This happened to a woman I worked with who just got married this past weekend. She was giving up, felt the odds were very low for her as an AA woman and had some very insulting experiences with guys who seemed to be “players”

• Well that ended once we worked on some limiting beliefs she had (about her prospects). She set her standards higher and worked on her point of attraction

• Within just a couple of months, she met the most handsome guy you could ever imagine who is gentle, nurturing and head over heels in love with her. Nothing like anyone she had danced around with before

• Since these two got together, it has been sheer magic with one thing after another manifesting for them

• Culminating in a beautiful wedding this past weekend where she could not have been more radiant on this amazing man’s arm

• A very different story than what happened for you last night. You can hope for this same ending if we can change some things for you

• It’ll just be a distant bump on the road on your way to unimaginable bliss

I bless you for the love you SO deserve. It’s closer than you think!

Q: I've been seeing this guy I really like. It started out super strong and now is petering out. He's not calling as much, and doesn't plan ahead for dates with me. I wonder if I did something wrong that pushed him away . . . like be too needy. Do you think there's a way to make this work out? I want it to so badly. Do you think I have a chance with him still? Or did I blow it? Please help me, Kathryn.

A: I have good news. There really is a chance that it can work out! But we would need to test it out and do some things differently just to see. Here's the dating advice or protocol I would prescribe.

1. Have you been doing all of the heavy lifting? Like the bulk of the texting, phoning and emailing to set things up? If so, you need to slack off. Back off and give him a chance to initiate some contact and even some plans.

We don't want to force it into happening. There needs to be some reciprocity and mutuality of interest.

2. Let go a bit while being warm and connected when you do communicate. This looks like calling less, finding other things to be busy about and doing a release on him internally -- something you probably know is a specialty of mine. This is one dating advice you’d want to keep.

3. Get and stay at soulmate level. Your vibration is everything. You can make anything work out, attract just like you want and more when you are in the right place energetically. Neediness and desperation are at the bottom rung of attraction and will never get you what you want.

Soulmate Level is hopeful, released, happy and standing in how amazing you are. It brings just what you want to you.

4. Don't put all of your eggs in this one basket (of this guy no matter how much you like him). This is another dating advice you should take seriously. Look around and be open to others (if you aren't in a committed situation which I gather you're not). Flirt and focus elsewhere.

I bless you for working this out. It's possible, and remember that no matter what, you get love with your soulmate. Hope you find my dating advice helpful.

I'm sending you love & support!

Q: Kathryn, I'm just starting to date a guy, and he has been making some sexual innuendos from the beginning. On date #3 last Saturday, he asked me if I knew the "3 date rule" when I didn't want to get hot-and-heavy.

What?!

I'm supposed to have sex with someone if we get to 3 dates?! That freaks me out. I like him but this is scaring me.

Is it true? Is there a 3 date rule?! I'm more conservative than that and need more time to warm up and make sure this is where I want to go. Is it wrong of me to want a commitment before getting that close?

A: No doubt the "3 date rule" was invented by someone looking for a booty call to up their odds of success - LOL!

But rest assured, there is no "3 date rule." There's not a "48 hour rule" either -- that you have to wait to get in touch with someone after you get their info.

• There are no rules at all. Each of us has to date in a style that suits us. So, if you are conservative, then you can absolutely wait until you're in a committed relationship (or even married) before going that far.

• Anyone who pulls a rule out to try & coerce you into doing something you're not feeling is showing themselves in that moment. The true agenda comes out.



• If  you like him and if he is your One, then he'll wait and honor you. If he still pushes, I would eliminate him and know that someone who respects you and will honor your timing lies ahead. He's be worth holding out for!

• No one -- certainly not you -- is desperate enough to compromise on something like this.

• You will not get what you want if you do give in. And you will be upset and let down.

If you are doing my work, then you are already engaging in a magnetization process that will not fail you. Have some patience and you will meet your One and the timing will unfold perfectly.

Let's work on attracting the Real Deal rather than settling for so little. No more wasting your time!

My video series "Is Tinder Evil?" continues with two you don't want to miss.

They tell you how to avoid the ugly parts and harness the amazing power of dating apps to connect with the love of your life.

Yes, it's possible!

Is Tinder Evil? The Ugly
How to avoid catfishing and the yuckiest part of online and app dating

Is Tinder Evil? How to USE IT BEST
These are the secrets on how to use Tinder and other dating apps to find the love of your life

Do SUBSCRIBE to my Youtube Channel to get more in this series. You can do so at the top right corner of the videos.

[To hear an audio version of this blog, click here:
http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=73384068]

You all are always asking me to write more about THE EEL -- here's a question about it to shed some more light on the topic.

Q: Kathryn, I think I'm involved with an eel -- as you describe it -- and it's worrying me.

"Joe" and I have been dancing around for about four years. He is super charming and comes on strong. Only to pull away the minute after we talk about getting serious.



I almost feel obsessed with him and no one holds a candle to him, in my opinion.

Should I try to really pin him down and find out? Or should I just hope that the light will come on, he'll realize I'm the One and finally be willing to get serious with me. I feel he's worth the wait.

A: It does sound like an eel situation, I'm afraid to say:

Definition of The Eel: someone who seems in your grasp, but then slithers away just when you thought it was going somewhere, only to reappear again as you give up hope.

Often, the eel is charming and knows how to reel you in just enough that you can't let go.

And just when you're almost over them, they reel you in again.

They can sense when you're finally letting go, which is part of that phenomena of the release work I do.

After four years of your life, he should know if you are the One. That's enough time of your life spent on him.

I'd try one more time and tell him it's now or never. And if he again pulls away, then this time, do anything you can to rid yourself of this attachment/obsession.

Remind yourself of how much happier you'll be when you're in love with somone who can't wait to get a commitment from you.

Your soulmate will be hotter than the eel. And much less frustrating.

The truth is that I rarely meet someone who is dancing with an eel and is actually happy.

For many, dancing with an eel is a great way to remain single. Keeping yourself tied up with someone unavailable ensures you remain unavailable yourself.

I want more for you, and believe me when I say, there's much, much better for you ahead if you can just let go of this frustrating situation.

I'm sending you love & support for getting clarity and moving on.

ANNOUNCEMENTS
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The answer to this week's question may seem weird but it's amazingly powerful.
Enjoy!

love,
Kathryn


Q: Kathryn, I met a guy recently through a friend, and we really seemed to click. We went out, and it went well. We made out a little bit, and I even thought perhaps he could be the One. He just had so much that I was looking for.

He said he'd call, but I've waited and waited. And he has never asked me out again. I've tried to find out what happened through my friend, but I don't want to seem pushy and we don't talk that often.

This is a pattern for me. It's happened more than once, and I'm baffled and hurt.

Why did he not call? Is it me?! Did I do something wrong? What can I do to avoid this ever, ever happening again?

A: You're not alone. I hear this kind of story all the time. It's a pattern caused by your energy and the way you date.

Imagine exuding an energy to get a man you really like, to desire you, fall for you, and feel like he cannot wait to pin you down for another date.

Imagine being able to make a man who has lost interest in you suddenly perk up when he sees you.

Imagine dating so well that you get lots of interest, and very quickly seal the deal with The One.

You may know this is something I teach, and it's why I have a huge wall of weddings -- of people who, like you, had a bad dating pattern and felt there was something wrong with them.

So what is the wildly effective method to never repeat this pattern again?

1. Watch your energy. If you exude even a hint of desperation, then guess what? Men sense it and change their mind about you even if they liked you at first. Desperation repels.

There's something I teach called the Levels of Attraction, and if you're at Soulmate Level, you will never, ever have this experience again and go quickly into love. This is something revealed in my Soulmate Bootcamp.

You will never look at love the same way once you know this secret.

2. Also, check yourself to see if dating disempowers you. All sorts of confidence issues and insecurities arise when you are dating.

The quality I've dubbed the "Universal Attractant" is confidence. As you gain it -- and there is a proven way to do so -- then all of sudden people come out of the woodwork interested in you.

One key to my high success rate in love is instilling in people an awareness of who they are and teaching them how to date in a confident way. It makes ALL of the difference.

3. What's your script?

If you keep getting the same results over and over -- like a fizzled romance that seemed promising, you've got an undesirable script that we have to get rid of.



A script is an energy we have about us that teaches people how to treat us. We have different scripts in different parts of our lives and in dating, no doubt your script could use some tweaking.

The "Universal Attractant Kit" program includes a bonus called "Changing Your Script" that shows you how to alter your script for immediate and very fun results.

One woman who had always been ignored had 3 guys begging for her number when she dropped by a party for only an hour.

I bless you for getting beyond this pattern.

You'll be surprised at how quickly you can change everything with these 3 tweaks.

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!