Q: I have recently been introduced to you and your work.  I have some questions around soulmates that I was hoping you could answer.

I am looking for love, and your book that I read really gave me hope and inspiration that my soulmate is actually out there looking for me as I am looking for him.

What I wonder is:

1)  Is there truly only ONE soulmate for each of us?

2)  Is this soulmate truly created for us, or do we create this idea of a soulmate?  Your book has me believe that there is one soulmate for us, but then I wonder what the point of dating is.  If my soulmate is looking for me, then maybe I should be doing more self-work instead of online dating.  Thoughts?

3)  This question is a bit more specific to me.  I was born to immigrant Greek parents and raised in very traditional Greek culture in Canada.  My parents would be extremely pleased and would prefer that I marry a man who is also Greek - same religion, same culture, same language.  If being Greek is one of my deal breakers, my pool of men decreases tremendously.  Yet I know also it would be much easier to meet and marry someone who is Greek for a lot of reasons.  Does this mean that my soul mate is likely Greek?  When I'm with a man, I'm always "what if'ing".  What if he was Greek, what if he made more money, what if he lived closer, what if he owned a boat?"  I don't know what to make of these "what if's"....is it me not ready for a commitment, or does it mean I haven't found the one?  Or maybe I don't know what my "one" looks like?  Should these be deal breakers?

Any insight you could share with me, I would be truly grateful and appreciative of.

A: I’m so happy you’re enjoying my work. And thanks for asking this question. It’s the most asked question I get in live workshops.

Here’s my answer

• Yes, I believe each person has someone they’re meant to be with. You can’t miss them and you will be drawn together.

A lid for every pot! (my Southern way of saying this).

• This has nothing to do with dating! So I’m glad you brought that up.

• I define dating as the process of getting to know one another, and you can’t skip it – even with your soulmate.

• Yes, the inner work is FIRST. If you line up, your soulmate will come to you without your having to do something that feels awkward. It’s more important than online dating by far. Online dating will be like spinning your wheels unless you’re lined up first and once you feel better on the inner, you don’t have to worry so much about the HOW that you’ll meet someone (you still have to date).

• Your being so drawn to someone Greek means your soulmate may have these characteristics. But I would say “this or something better,” knowing that if he’s not Greek, he will still fit in well with your life

• Quit doing that thing you’re doing on dates! To evaluate heavily and be judgy during the date takes away from being fully present and connected during a date, which is your only job. It’s almost impossible to really SEE someone when your mind is going in a million directions that are not very positive. You can evaluate later!

I hope this helps. As you do the inner work, your soulmate will come to you and it will click in perfectly with no more second guessing.

This has been true of everyone on our vast wall of weddings. Love always came in magically, and the inner work to line up was always the most important step.

I’m blessing you for the soulmate you so deserve. You’re getting there, and I appreciate the great questions!

Q: Kathryn, I hope you and your family are well. :)

Thank you for sending your great newsletters! I was up all night thinking this and even watched some of your YouTube videos in the middle of the night, since I couldn't sleep. I'm writing this Q&A because maybe other women have confusion between a soulmate vs. a benchmark? I'm wondering if maybe you can shed a little light on how we know for certain whether to do more or just let things be and have faith they'll be done for us.

A couple of weeks ago, I manifested a man, out of thin air. One night, after watching a movie right before falling asleep, I said to God "I want a man just like Kobus" (the character in the film). The next evening, while taking a walk with a friend, I noticed a man who looked exactly like him in the park and smiled at him. We ended up chatting and all 3 went to have ice cream together. He was traveling alone from South America to North by motorcycle. After a nice chat with him, it was getting late, so I gave him my business card and we left. He said "what a nice evening this was" and as we walked away, I looked back and noticed he looked slightly sad. (Maybe because we were leaving?) 

As my friend and I walked back to the subway, she told me he had mentioned meeting up again since he was only here 2 more days (he lives in France). Yet I totally ignored it and kept talking. I hadn't even noticed it, probably because I was nervous! But when she mentioned it, I did recall hearing it. I was confused because he's the closest guy to the soulmate list I'd written down when doing your work, but a comment he made to the effect of "You're lucky you don't have kids" (in the context of traveling freely), threw me for a loop. Still, I was very curious to see him again one-on-one, and hoped he would contact me for a date.

The 2 days passed without any news and since I couldn't get him out of my head, I decided to reach out to him via Facebook. When I wrote him, he replied immediately saying 

"Hi! so nice to read you  
..I was hoping to meet you again when I was in NYC...  I wrote you but I guess you were too busy... 

I am in Binghamton now and go to Buffalo on the evening. How are you?”

I wrote back that I didn't receive anything, was he sure he had the right email and he wrote: "I think so and I left a review on one of your posts on Facebook and wrote you on the email address on your business card"

The next day, when I told my friend, she was skeptical and said "I don't believe he actually tried to write to you, maybe it's an excuse?" I didn't know what to think but I wrote him back a few times because I was curious to see him again, also because I'd had some signs from the universe in prior years that seemed to indicate my soulmate would be a "Lion King" (his name means king in French and he's a Leo) and that soulmate love would blossom on a "bridge" (we met in Brooklyn Bridge park)!

(I had no idea what those signposts meant at the time...)

I expressed my regret at not finding the messages and he wrote back: "don't worry... its ok. I was just...a little sad cause I was really aiming to see you again there...” (I thought back to the sad face I'd seen)

And so I said "I would have liked that! & you never know...maybe I will see you in France! _"

He replied "In France… or in Canada (I'll be there for the next 2 weeks)! 
Leave the city...and join me"

I asked if he was serious--I had only seen him once for an hour and had ice cream...not even one date! 

He wrote back: "Hello! ... if I am serious… to join me? Why not...? 

I was just sad that our meeting ended after this ice cream... and I would love to have more time to discover you…"

So I was considering it, but felt torn because it could have been risky, too. And before traveling at my own expense, I just would have liked to have the opportunity to get to know him, first.

After 5 more requests from him to go to Canada, I finally said maybe I could meet him in France for a weekend on my way back from a business trip to Italy in September. He liked the idea but in the following 2 weeks he spent in Canada, he didn't really reach out anymore, leading me to believe he had just been a soulmate benchmark...

OR, had I pushed him away...

How does one know?

Could I have done more?

Or would the Universe have made it work out (i.e. I would have received the first messages and we would have seen each other when he was here, he would never have said the "kids" comment if he was my guy, he could have come back to NY, etc, etc...)

I only ask because I'm reminded of that joke about the hurricane Katrina victim who gets to heaven and says to God "I had so much faith you'd save me, what happened?" And God replies "Well, I sent you a boat, and 2 helicopters and you didn't take them!"

If we are to co-create with God, how much do we do?

And how much do we sit back and trust that things will just work out?

Hope this can help some other ladies (and men), too, who are still waiting to find true love...

In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of love, joy and gratitude!

A: Thanks for the extensive question. I think this is more of a benchmark than your soulmate.

It's a great sign that you're on the way, in that he had so much you wanted and was attractive to you.

However, you gave him ample opportunity to work it out, and it doesn't seem to be a flow.

With the real deal, he would have gotten through to you the first time, would have jumped on your being willing to see him again and you'd be in his arms by now.

But it's okay. Your soulmate will be hotter & show up all the way for you.

The best way to tell a benchmark from ‘The One’ is that it flows easily and you don't have to do much of the heavy lifting (in this case you ended up tracking him down and then doing a lot of the work to try and see him -- why couldn't he come to see YOU?)

You also never want to put too much pressure on a particular situation. It shouldn't be that hard, and we do fail when we try to make a benchmark into the entire manifestation.

I wonder if you got used to settling for less than what you want

Or if there is some other block in the way

So far, so good, because you're getting good benchmarks

But usually, we can take a couple of steps and have you in the arms of your One quickly.

I do hope you'll tune into my free class next week "Become Irresistible"

I'll show you the way to manifest almost instantly -- a guy who blows this one out of the water.

I'm sending you love & support for being with your soulmate quickly -- I'm sure love in the works now.

Q: Hey Kathryn! I love your work and it helped me meet a guy several years ago who landed on my lap and we started what I thought was a healthy relationship. Problem is it is a bit of a crazy love. We have broken up often but just can't seem to quit each other. To be honest, it is not that fun anymore, but the thought of parting ways for good just breaks my heart.

We are definitely in a rut, which is why I enjoyed the Rut Class so much. Do you think that getting out of my rut in this case means we have to break up? Because I am scared that is the answer, but sure don't want to face it. Is there any hope to work it out? Part of my problem is that he will not go forward with me as much as I want. I do want marriage and a family. And I have wasted years of my life on him at this point. Is leaving him the only answer?! I need your advice on this.

A: I am glad you heard the Get Out of Your Rut Class and that it has inspired you to try & figure this out. I'd hate you to spend another few years in limbo with your guy because it is definitely not a sign of healthy relationships.

Having said that, we don't know the answer yet, but it is entirely possible that you can make this a healthy relationship, get it out of the rut and finally move forward into what you want with this man.

There is a technique I use to kick start something that is stalled. And it has been very effective in bringing relationships to soulmate level, where everything changes and it goes where you want it to go. The technique involves getting out of any bad pattern the relationship has fallen into and also bringing it up to soulmate level; healthy relationship.

Even if your boyfriend doesn't know what you're doing, it only takes one person to up-level the relationship and make it dynamic again. Set a secret intention that you will make it better and then watch your energy, trying your best to stay in a good, centered, and hopeful place even as things come up.

It really does help to have someone walk this journey with you to get what you want and achieve a healthy relationship. While my private coaching practice is full, you can still get into the Upgrade Course now, where I will serve as your coach. As part of the course, you will learn how to make it a healthy relationship and also take it to soulmate level (there's a whole module on that), and we will have the luxury of a month to work on this. You will definitely see movement in the process, start enjoying yourself again.

It's our best chance of working it out with him. I bless you for getting the exact love you want. I'm sending you my love and support for that.

In a television interview I did yesterday, the interviewer asked a good question. She wanted to know if my relationship with my husband; my Soulmate had strife. I said “not really,” and that I feel that Soulmates have a much smoother path than other relationships. She probed further about my marriage, and got to the fact that yes, Jon and I have differences. While they do not produce big arguments between my Soulmate and me, we do have to work out things on occasion, and I said as much.

What I have seen, both in my marriage and in those of others is that the differences are good for us. Jon’s laid-back, relaxed attitude sometimes irritates me when I want to go fast. BUT he forced me to take vacations, something I badly needed. And when I give in to his organic way of dealing with life, more magic happens for us. Jon, my Soulmate, says that he appreciates my efficiency in getting things done and I teach him how to go faster. 

Soulmates fall in love with their differences and I believe that as long as we appreciate them and use them to grow, they do not have to be a negative but instead produce balance. 

Q: Kathryn, I’m dating the best guy I’ve ever dated. He is even my boyfriend! But I find myself constantly on pins and needles that I will lose him. It’s never been this amazing with anyone before, and I’m at a loss. I know you say that he’s not too good for me – that no one is – but it feels that way. I almost make myself sick, worrying about it. 

A: so you’ve gotten someone who you consider out of your league? You’re dating and even committed. How do you keep him or her? The following spiritual techniques will work better than the most skillful manipulation technique that a traditional dating coach could teach you. So here’s my dating advice for you.

1.           Continue to work on your own self-image. No one is really “too good” for you. Updating is a false concept. And so, you need to repeatedly remind yourself that you’re worthy of this person. It’s important that the two of you have an equal relationship in which you don’t feel one-down.

2.           Relax. When you find yourself panicking that you’ll lose this “catch,” use faith-building tools like prayer, meditation, uplifting reading and affirmations: (“I GET this and nothing can take away what is mine in consciousness!”). Mellow energy shows confidence and there is no greater magnet. This dating advice had helped a lot of couples.

3.           Communicate. Keep an open channel of connection with your boyfriend. It’s one of the best ways to ensure a continued, vital relationship. Strive to keep revealing yourself to your One, even if it’s scary and continue to explore your partner. You can never get to the bottom of another. Those who have applied this dating advice have always had improvement in their relationship.

4.           Let go. A loose way of holding on is MUCH more magnetic than becoming clingy, paranoid or having to keep close tabs (all of which are repellant energies) on your love. Release and watch things blossom! Apply this dating advice and you would enjoy your relationship.

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here: http://iTeleseminar.com/72424011

This week's Q & A is from someone who has had trouble having any lasting relationships at all.




Q: Kathryn, the longest relationship I ever had was just a few months. And that was in my 20's. Now I'm turning 40, and it's been a long time since I've had a relationship that lasts longer than 6 weeks.

What is wrong with me?! I'm losing faith that I'll ever find someone, and yet, I want a husband and children while I still have a chance at that. Is there any hope for me?

A: You have every hope for love! I have a client getting married in a few weeks who came to me with your exact issue. Walking her beyond her pattern was what changed everything for her.

If I were working with you, here's how we would solve this issue for you.

1. We'd look into your past and see if you are hanging on to old trauma or if you have been equating love with hurt. We'd look for whatever your block is and treat it.

2. We would work to line you up with love completely. I suspect you have a fear or misconception that has you torn about love. We need to let go of anything that is in conflict within. Things like this can hold love away.

3. I would make SURE you know you're lovable and worthy of a lasting love.

4. Finally, we would lay in some new patterns for you -- of thinking, of behavior in connecting with attractive people and of dealing with the inevitable bumps in the road as you date.

This protocol has been super effective in my work. It's responsible for my ever-expanding wall of weddings.

Much of it you can do yourself. But many times, we have a blind spot, which keeps us in a frustrating pattern like yours. What can help is either a love coach or possibly my Soulmate Bootcamp -- a program that has worked with many holdouts, who have almost give up on love.

It's on sale next week for our birthday sale, so stay tuned for that and take a look at it in the meantime.

I support you in finding love. You can and you will!