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You all are always asking me to write more about THE EEL -- here's a question about it to shed some more light on the topic.

Q: Kathryn, I think I'm involved with an eel -- as you describe it -- and it's worrying me.

"Joe" and I have been dancing around for about four years. He is super charming and comes on strong. Only to pull away the minute after we talk about getting serious.



I almost feel obsessed with him and no one holds a candle to him, in my opinion.

Should I try to really pin him down and find out? Or should I just hope that the light will come on, he'll realize I'm the One and finally be willing to get serious with me. I feel he's worth the wait.

A: It does sound like an eel situation, I'm afraid to say:

Definition of The Eel: someone who seems in your grasp, but then slithers away just when you thought it was going somewhere, only to reappear again as you give up hope.

Often, the eel is charming and knows how to reel you in just enough that you can't let go.

And just when you're almost over them, they reel you in again.

They can sense when you're finally letting go, which is part of that phenomena of the release work I do.

After four years of your life, he should know if you are the One. That's enough time of your life spent on him.

I'd try one more time and tell him it's now or never. And if he again pulls away, then this time, do anything you can to rid yourself of this attachment/obsession.

Remind yourself of how much happier you'll be when you're in love with somone who can't wait to get a commitment from you.

Your soulmate will be hotter than the eel. And much less frustrating.

The truth is that I rarely meet someone who is dancing with an eel and is actually happy.

For many, dancing with an eel is a great way to remain single. Keeping yourself tied up with someone unavailable ensures you remain unavailable yourself.

I want more for you, and believe me when I say, there's much, much better for you ahead if you can just let go of this frustrating situation.

I'm sending you love & support for getting clarity and moving on.

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Spiritually speaking, we are so deeply hardwired for freedom that it can make unavailable people look good. It keeps US free (yes, this can mean YOU are unavailable!) if we pursue or wait for someone unavailable.

Attracting unavailable people and worse, paying attention to them (as in – giving them the time of day) can delay your journey into the arms of your soulmate. Some tips on dealing with unavailability:

1. When someone says they’re unavailable, they discreetly may be leaving off the words “to you.” Believe them and move on.

2. You may be chronically hanging out with unavailable types, even attracting them, because YOU’RE the unavailable one. If so, work on dissolving your fears about going deep into love so you can be available for the love you want.

3. It’s okay to go slow and make yourself available gradually, rather than all at once. If done not from fear, but from legitimate honoring of one’s self, this is a powerful step. And you may not feel available right away, taking time to warm up and trust your love interest. That’s ok.

4. It’s enticing to dance around with someone unavailable. The longing & obsessing can be enjoyable, in a strange way. And further, the elusive one can become an object to be attained, a challenge. However, this has nothing to do with love – which is why once the object of attention is gained, it can lose the allure.
At its worse, unavailability becomes a game that delays love and while perversely enjoyable, will hijack your beeline to love. The good news is that as you come together with your soulmate, (s)he will be completely available to you and vice versa PLUS the allure is there and proves to be lasting.

Heartbreak Corner: The Bat


Attachment can sometimes make people self-flagellate. In my June once-a-year Releasing a Person Workshop, a number of people came up to me upset that their ex seemed to be living the high life with their new love, whilst they were suffering badly from the breakup, unable to move on. It made things worse as they tortured themselves with thoughts of their ex in the throes of ecstasy.

Give me a break! They really didn’t know what the ex was enjoying or not enjoying because they were not in the ex’s shoes, but they were using the thought of the ex as a weapon to wallow in their misery. Why do we do this to ourselves? It is more painful than hauling out a bat and beating yourself about the head (seriously).

If you have been guilty of beating yourself up with thoughts of someone else thriving as you suffer, stop that! Put down the bat and learn a new pattern. The best way to do so is to determinedly turn your thoughts back to your own life – to where you want to go and focus on that. It’s the quickest way to move on into your own love dreams, which are even juicier than the ones you’re casting others in (and will happen as you move on).

love,
Kathryn

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July 19, 2011



My 2nd Birthday :-)

Hi from LA, where it’s so fun to celebrate my and others’ birthdays with family and friends – there’s no place like home!