If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

Q: Kathryn, my best friend and I are similar in the looks department. When we go out, the same amount of guys hit on us both.

But in the past five years, she has had three proposals while I struggle to get past the first date.

I go on many first dates, but they usually don’t ask me for a second one.

And the few relationships that have gone longer fizzle after a few months.

Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m told I have a good personality, I’m easygoing and do try my best to flirt.

My friend and I are very similar but how does she manage to get so many guys ga-ga over her?

She herself doesn’t know, and I can’t see that big a difference between the two of us.

I’d love to get your advice on what I need to do differently.

A: That’s a great question, and I’m sorry you’re having issues with dating.

It’s definitely something you’re doing or NOT doing that your friend does, since you two are similar.

I’d venture to guess that it has to do with your energy and what you do on a date.

There are certain things you can do that will create chemistry right away – to get you beyond Date 1.

You can make it so it feels like it’s been longer and he’ll be wanting more of you.

You can use this same process to forge a deep bond fairly quickly so your date will want to go into a commitment with you.

As you probably know, a good portion of my massive Wall of Weddings are folks who had a similar problem.

I’ve coached many, many women into a commitment, engagement and wedding who had a series of fizzles before they found my work.

Here are some basics,

• don’t try to be a big wit. That is NOT what creates a bond

• ask more questions. There are several questions you can pose that will create a bond that has him wanting more

• look in his eyes deeply and do smile. This is one of several bonding behaviors you can do to make him feel comfortable around you and close with you

• make a conscious effort to flirt. Everyone has their unique style but flirting adds a light sexual connection which creates chemistry

I bless you for finding the perfect love for you, your soulmate, and learning to date toward that delicious goal.

 

To hear an audio version of this blog, click here:

Q: Kathryn, Why is it so easy for me in other areas but so hard in love?

I have a great career that I'm proud of. I have tons of friends, am close with my family and even head up a volunteer effort. But I cannot seem to find my guy, and love has always been hard for me.

Why is this and what can I do about it?

A: There are a couple of reasons this might be so.

1) Other areas like job are linear. Logical. An easy-to-see progression.

2) Secondary goals will have less resistance, but with a big goal, you will smack up into ALL of your resistance. The key is getting around it. But it's valuable because you can really move if you face your blocks head-on. How?

• When I work with someone on an issue like this, we'll assess where the wall is

• It depends on the nature of your past relationships and even your childhood

• Once we pinpoint the blocks, we can put together a protocol to move forward. Some blocks might be sheer resistance. Others may come up as you interact with likely prospects

• It really helps that you have success templates in other areas. That can be put to good use

Here's an example of a woman that I helped.

During intake, "Sue" admitted she had never had a successful relationship.

The longest one she'd had was 4 months, and it just fizzled after a while. He quit calling.

Sue was very head-centered, and like you, she had a very good career.

She tended to connect with men in work mode, not from her heart. And there was some past trauma thrown in there that added extra resistance.

We put in a protocol of:

- becoming more heart-centered when outside of work

- scheduled free, fun time

- worked on flirting and laughing and just enjoying herself

- Sue had to learn to create emotional bonding, too

But the upshot is the most lasting relationship of her life. She is engaged to a wonderfully charming man, and they are moving in together.

Yes, the things we want the most can seem elusive, but with some work at dissolving the resistance, they can still happen and happen quickly.

I bless you for finding your way through your own resistance.

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

Q: Kathryn, I'm a pretty big introvert, and right now, I'm miserable. I need my home time and find it hard to go out. And yet, I get super lonely at home because I haven't yet found love. I need to get out for some companionship and yet this is hard on me. And I do feel pressure to get out to meet someone. What do I do? How am I going to get through the holidays?

A: I had this same problem when I was single, and I have a name for it: "The Introvert's Dilemma"

It's hard because we introverts need our alone and home time and yet, it can get lonely there until we find love. Here are some suggestions:

1) Find a balance of staying home and occasionally getting out. Plan on some things to do, even getting proactive, so you aren't miserable during the holidays. Ask friends and family what they are doing and while pacing yourself, do make some plans. You can even invite people over to your house for a gathering.

2) Remember that you may very well attract love while staying at home if you are doing my work. It's my specialty. But you will still need to connect with someone you don't yet know so you'll need to be okay with going out with this person once you attract them

3) For introverts, one thing that works is developing a comfortable few places to go where you know folks -- a circle of friends, a spiritual center, a restaurant or a regular class. It feels more like home and in this way, you're expanding your ability to get out at least a little bit without undue stress.

4) Keep your end game in mind. When you meet your soulmate and seal the deal, you're living together and your delicious companionship is right there at home. This person gets your need for alone time and yet is there for you, and provides a great connection at home. Your love can often do the more extroverted chores like shopping and shlepping so this is really something to look forward to!

One Suggestion: I am teaching on a 7 day cruise in February 2015. This is very rare for me. If you come, the setup is that you will have built-in connections, including me and my family. I am including for anyone signing up through me some prep work to make connecting easier and an on-board scavenger hunt that will automatically cause you to meet others in a pressure-free, instructive way that will enhance your social skills. (You will not believe how many people have met and married from meeting at my events or made life long friends!)

We will have 7 days together, and my intention is for it to be a great time of making new friends, learning so much about heart connecting and possibly finding love, too. There will rarely be this kind of a chance to get out in a gentle, supportive environment, so I hope you join me and my fellow teachers. Find out more while you can still get in (it's filling up) at this link:

http://www.divinetravels.com/ValentinesCruise2015.html

I'm blessing you for finding your way through the Introvert's Dilemma as so many of us have done. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you are absolutely supported in being the introvert that you are. There are many, many pluses to being an introvert, and you do get a love that fits in with your life perfectly!

Hi, there! I did a lot of videos whilst on my Teaching Tour this summer to answer some of the questions you all have been sending me. Here's a video on a question I often get:

"Do I have to get 'out there' to find love?"

My answer may surprise you because I'm the ONLY dating coach I've ever encountered who says this.

And yet it proves true over & over in the love stories we get from my work!

Check the video out now and subscribe to me on Youtube for more videos. Enjoy.

p.s. Hit up the comments section to put your question in for me. I may answer it next :)

Why Being Lonely is a Good Thing

If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

To take a powerful step toward the love of your life, look for Kathryn's brand new, low-cost ebooks on Amazon including the 99 cent Finding Forever Love.

Heartbreak Corner: The Biggest Delay to Love

There are numerous things that can delay love for you. In fact, ANY time you have a negative thought about love, you may delay it. But the biggest delay of all is hanging on to a past love.

The attachment that we can get to an ex can be as powerful as that we had to our parents as infants and can be tough to shake. And it can keep you unknowingly UNAVAILABLE for your soulmate.

There is also the tendency to think of a past love as the best you could ever hope for (at least until you meet someone better, your soulmate.) Keep in mind that the best is yet to come, and this faith can make it much easier to let go so you can be free for full-on, 100% right love.  

To let go once and for all and quit delaying the love of your life, get the RELEASING A PERSON CD or ebook. This work is extremely powerful and has helped thousands to get beyond an attachment and move on to soulmate love. To grab your copy, click here.  

To Go Further in This Effective Work

Kathryn' s  Finding Forever Love ebook is available on Amazon. It will jumpstart you into her effective "love attraction" process. A fast and easy read, it's a great starting point to travel quickly toward your soulmate. Click here to get it.



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