If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

If you’re despairing at being single over the holidays, take heart! It is very common for people to meet their soulmate somewhere along the year end festivities. Perhaps it’s the intensified longing that brings love or the many parties or reaching out that is done during the season. But if you undertake the upcoming days with the right attitude, you may be surprised at what happens. Some tips on making holiday magic happen:

1. Put connection first and foremost. Do everything you can to bring enjoyment to your holidays. This puts you in a magnetic frame of mind & you’ll have fun even if love doesn’t come along.

2. Plan well. Keep your energy positive by setting up some treats for yourself such as spending time with friends, a good novel or even avoiding things that bring you down. Learning to take care of your own happiness is key to attracting love, even if the activity doesn’t seem directly related to meeting someone.

3. Appreciate the Season’s Gifts. Maybe time with family brings up your stuff (& by all means, minimize it if you need to or schedule breaks from them), but there are many things about the holidays to appreciate. Time off from work. Festive occasions. Gifts to unwrap and to give. Revel in the break from routine in any way you can.

I have no doubt that many will be emailing me with their delightful holiday love stories, and I hope YOU’RE one of them!

Holiday Heartbreak

Going through the holidays shortly after a divorce, a breakup, heartbreak or even a death can cast a pall on them. But you can make the best of the time and even find comfort in it. And if you use the above advice to find new love, you wouldn’t be the first to do so even as you grieve.

• Don’t expect life to be normal. You won’t be up to snuff, but you can choose a focus to minimize pain.

• Being with others and seeking connection with friends, family and meeting new people can help you to quit dwelling on the past.

• It is certainly a time for self-indulgence. You’ve never had a better excuse to opt out of things you don’t enjoy or to stay home all day in your jammies watching reality t.v. marathons.

• But don’t indulge in a pity party. Do a release and then replace it with hope for your future and some steps in that direction. Feeding the attachment by wallowing in it will put you through needless misery. 

love and support,
Kathryn

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

http://iTeleseminar.com/97869522

Q: Kathryn, I feel so stuck in my life. I had a rough childhood and am so happy that at last I’m on my own now

But I hate my job and am barely making ends meet. 

And on top of that, I can’t seem to keep anyone I’m interested in

The ones I don’t want will come around but when I finally meet someone interesting (let’s call the last one "Phil"), he’ll drift away after a few months together

Phil broke up with me last weekend and said he just wasn’t feeling it. After telling me at first that he could see a future with me and couldn’t stop thinking of me!!!

I’m so frustrated. How is my life nothing like I want it? I’m too old to keep doing this and pretty despairing at this point

Please help me. I’m extremely sick of my life right now

A: I’m so sorry you are suffering, and I totally get it

I’m glad you reached out, though, because I can help

Congrats on making it to adulthood and out of your bad childhood!

Unfortunately, it’s far too easy to get in a rut and not be able to pull yourself any further . . . just what you are experiencing now

So it really IS time to do something new to get different results, right?

It’s something I help so many do, even when they’d just about given up

So WHAT is the secret to surpassing yourself or even your family pattern? To getting unstuck & going beyond where you’ve ever been?

There are 2 ways that I use to help folks break through, and it’s why my success rate is so high . . . even for HOLDOUTS, those who don’t manifest easily

1. Think back to when you’ve had a breakthrough before – even like when you finally got to adulthood and could break free from your upbringing. 

Remember that exhilarating energy when you’ve leapt forward?

As you recapture that feeling, you can use it to propel yourself to where you want to go . . . even if it’s a totally different area of your life

2. Get pulled there by someone who is there

This second way is what my work does well, and it’s why so many people come to one of my events and almost immediately break through to the love they’ve wanted for so long

I pull people with my writings and groups to a new and amazing level. I just celebrated my 15th  year of being married to my soulmate and have a huge track record with thousands of weddings

The books and work I provide a jolt of hope and openings, so that love walks right into the door . . . and you never look back

And other things show up, too, like the right profession, money and more

I can show you how to date in a way you’ve never done before so there will be no more Phils – breaking your heart but instead the right one will stick around

Chin up! You have every hope for not only the love you want, but also a job you love and a much easier way to both make money and be fulfilled!

I bless you for all three

Q: Kathryn, my best friend and I are similar in the looks department. When we go out, the same amount of guys hit on us both.

But in the past five years, she has had three proposals while I struggle to get past the first date.

I go on many first dates, but they usually don’t ask me for a second one.

And the few relationships that have gone longer fizzle after a few months.

Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m told I have a good personality, I’m easygoing and do try my best to flirt.

My friend and I are very similar but how does she manage to get so many guys ga-ga over her?

She herself doesn’t know, and I can’t see that big a difference between the two of us.

I’d love to get your advice on what I need to do differently.

A: That’s a great question, and I’m sorry you’re having issues with dating.

It’s definitely something you’re doing or NOT doing that your friend does, since you two are similar.

I’d venture to guess that it has to do with your energy and what you do on a date.

There are certain things you can do that will create chemistry right away – to get you beyond Date 1.

You can make it so it feels like it’s been longer and he’ll be wanting more of you.

You can use this same process to forge a deep bond fairly quickly so your date will want to go into a commitment with you.

As you probably know, a good portion of my massive Wall of Weddings are folks who had a similar problem.

I’ve coached many, many women into a commitment, engagement and wedding who had a series of fizzles before they found my work.

Here are some basics,

• don’t try to be a big wit. That is NOT what creates a bond

• ask more questions. There are several questions you can pose that will create a bond that has him wanting more

• look in his eyes deeply and do smile. This is one of several bonding behaviors you can do to make him feel comfortable around you and close with you

• make a conscious effort to flirt. Everyone has their unique style but flirting adds a light sexual connection which creates chemistry

I bless you for finding the perfect love for you, your soulmate, and learning to date toward that delicious goal.

The worst pain in breaking up is fighting the attachment that remains. Breakups are never easy. The best way to feel better in a hurry is to detach. How? Here are three steps to detachment during breakups.

    1. Make up your mind that you're ready to release.

    2. Create a release ritual for yourself. My Releasing a Person recording takes you through this. Do something formal to say 'goodbye.'

    3. Use tools to keep releasing as necessary. These include letting go minute-by-minute, day-by-day, turning your focus back to your own life and dealing with your pain in an appropriate manner (crying in the shower but not at work).

   

I know you can do this even though breakups can be pretty tough to deal with some times. You don't have to wallow in misery any longer. You have your life to live, love to experience, joy to enjoy, so don't waste a moment more than necessary to get over this, and go towards all the good that is waiting for you.

A man at a Sydney book lecture asked a great question. He wanted to know how you tell the difference between divine guidance and your own deluded thinking especially in love matters. Are there Soulmate signs? The fact is that many of us, in the throes of a deep attachment toward another, are SURE that the person is our Soulmate. And this energy can be so strong that a psychic may even read the energy as meaning you two are meant to be together.

BUT the man who asked the question admitted he had pined away for several women that his "intuition" said were his Soulmate, only for it not to work out. The fact is that intuition CAN'T COME THROUGH when it is being clouded by your own wishful thinking. There is a voice I call the Voice of Attachment that sounds very real, there are necessarily no Soulmate signs to know if someone is your Soulmate.

The measure of whether the message you're getting is attachment or intuition is this -- are you in a centered, unattached place when you hear the voice? Or are you hopelessly obsessing over someone? If it's the latter (and especially if you have a pattern of mistaking attachment for Soulmate signs or messages like this man), best to err on the side of caution, and do some release work.

When your TRUE Soulmate appears, there will be no doubt and things will work out with NO second guessing and NO agony. Hold out for that. It'll be worth the wait!!
 

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Here's a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, I've finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though I'm done with him and see he was not good for me -- I'm tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldn't sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

It's because it's based on false premises.

In this case, it means that you're being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because it's assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people I've shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then you'll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

I'm blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

5/25/13

On the Cover of My First Magazine!

Hi there! I haven't blogged in a while as we update my website, but I wanted to touch base since it's been so long.

I’m on my summer teaching tour. The East Coast has been just amazing so far. I flew to New York to teach and officiate a wedding in Pennsylvania. (Congrats to the beautiful couple!)

Officiating the Wedding of my Coach Lisa Caroselli

We had a blast and took the boys to DC to see how the country was run, too. We've traveled so much internationally that they've seen more countries than U.S. states, so we're working on that :-)

The Fedora Bunch on the East Coast

San Francisco is next week (see magazine cover above), and I look forward to seeing many of you for my workshops there -- they're always crowded & fun.

Boy is love in the air! Below is a fascinating email I got about not being able to sleep.

And this person is not alone. Are you next?

Read on to find out how.

Love,

Kathryn

I Cannot Sleep

One recent email cracked me up.

Dear Kathryn, 

I’m 3 weeks into a romance just like you describe. I am exhausted. This guy isevery single thing that I want. 

I’m so worried he will slip away that I’ve got insomnia. It’s been a whirlwind, and he says all of the right things.

He cannot seem to be without me for too long. 

Is this too good to be true? Help!

This is what we call a “quality problem,” one we’d all love to have, right?

And it’s very typical of those who do my work. I get letters like this often.

If you haven’t had soulmate love yet, when it comes, it can freak you out.

If it’s so terrifying, this uncovers a problem.Those who have a hard time accepting their good are NOT UP TO SPEED with it.

Yes, they still get their love – as evidenced by my client who ended up with a panic attack in the emergency room thinking her love was leaving her while he was cooking up a proposal.

However, you can expedite your journey to love by being wide open to that One who will blow every other romance you’ve had out of the water.

Here’s how:

1. Build yourself up. The more you feel deserving of love, someone perfect in your eyes, the quicker (s)he will come and the less rattled you will be when your soulmate arrives.

2. Get used to the idea. Start imagining this person in your life now. When you make what you want more real to you than your present situation, it can’t help but come. And you will also get more sleep as you begin dating your One :-)

3. Let go of the fears. Angst, nervousness, desperation – these are major delays to love. If you want love quickly, you must get rid of these, and find the faith that will put your love life into warp speed.

Heartbreak Corner: Revenge

I just read a book called Gone Girl, and it’s all about revenge. What a waste of time revenge is! (Though the book is a real page turner)

It’s very common when you break up to want revenge. Seeking revenge -- even a little justice or closure

-- can seem empowering.

But here’s the hitch. Revenge is a way to fan the flames of attachment. It’s still focusing on the person you need to release.

And worse, plotting revenge, seeking closure or justice keeps you bogged down. You are not open to the love awaiting you as long as you focus on your ex.

Revenge is in the opposite direction of the love you want.

It is critical that you let go and move on no matter how gripping the attachment might be.

Undergoing a release process and then refocusing is the only way to go – if you really want your soulmate (who will make you forget your ex).

Try my Releasing a Person work (book, CD or download) -- which is inexpensive & effective. People swear by it.

In a Relationship? No One Wins an Argument

Even soulmates have a disagreement from time to time. Stuff comes up, because you are still two people with sometimes differing agendas, wounds you are healing, needs and wants.

The last chapter of my book Love Will Find You lays out some "Fair Fight Rules".

It’s good to agree that you’ll fight fair when something comes up.

But better still . . . what if you decided to nip an argument in the bud and try something else?

The problem with arguments is that they carry an energy of opposition. Both parties get into a mindset where they have to triumph.

No one wins an argument. The emotional toll, the ill will – everyone loses.

Here’s a higher way to deal with a brewing argument.

1. The minute that you feel an argument coming, stop in your tracks.

2. Try to understand what your love is really saying. Often, it’s something like “I love you, and I’m scared.”

3. Point out that the two of you are starting to argue, and that you don’t want that.

4. Suggest that you guys take a breather, and write down what you want.

5. Then, hug and quietly discuss what has come up with no win-or-lose attitude. Softness, vulnerability uncover the real issues and the underlying need for love & understanding.