Updating, Part 2: Do's and Don'ts

Q: Kathryn, I have the most trouble connecting with someone who is hot. I get flushed and intimidated. I can barely look anyone I find attractive in the eye.

I know you say that my soulmate will be the hottest person to me, but how are we supposed to connect when I can't even speak? It's frustrating, and I have no idea how to get over this. Please help!

A: This is a subject I often deal with people on. Until you can connect with someone attractive to you, you are basically discounting every single possible soulmate. Not ideal!

Let me continue with the updating tips -- this time on connecting -- and that should help.

UPDATING, PART 2: Connecting Do's and Don'ts 

In Part 1 of Updating, I defined Updating as dating out of your league. I don't believe that ANYONE is out of your league, but if you do, I am revealing some dating tips on how to get beyond this and date who you want to -- one step at a time. Part 1 covered The Approach. I asked that when you find someone attractive, no matter how intimidated you feel, you approach them in some way, even with a smile or eye contact. If you don't, you pretty much rule out the very people who may be your soulmate (you will have crackling chemistry with your One).

In Part 2, we cover dating tips such as Connecting Do's and Don'ts. After you have approached someone you are attracted to, you need to seek a connection. Here are some dating tips.

1. DO watch your energy. You want to seem mildly interested, pleasant and harmless.

2. DON'T exude desperation or pushiness. You might as well put your hand on their chest and give them a shove away from you. Why? Desperation and pushiness repel.

3. DO honor the person's boundaries. Don't violate their personal space (learn to be aware of this). Don't go into a monologue if you can tell they're not into what you're saying.

4. DON'T seek to be dazzling. Your stellar personality will be less interesting than being a good listener.

5. DO look deeply into your attraction's eyes and become acutely aware of the connection between the two of you.

Connecting should be light, fun and with sensitive energy. Running anyone over with a bulldozer of in-their-face energy may send them scrambling for cover. Practice these dating tips for connecting with someone in the next couple of weeks with no attachment to the results just to get better at connecting when you want to. More dating tips to come!