Dating Out of Your League #4: SPILL the coffee

Step #4 to date out of your league is interacting differently

In Steps 1 - 3, we worked on changing the way you're thinking and the energy you are exuding

In Step 4, we get into how to behave when you connect with someone you are intimidated by
This is the connection part

And I'm about to majorly SURPRISE YOU with how to behave, because it's different than you are thinking


STEP #4 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #4?

Interact equally

- You need to treat this person as an equal

- No longer should you be intimidated

- But don't think you have to be perfect

- Just connect in a way that bonds you

- And you're going to be very surprised by what this might include


HOW TO DO THIS

The losing thought is to feel this person is unattainable

In the first 3 steps to dating out of your league, we got you ready to interact

Now as you encounter the ones you think are out of your league  . .

• You need to see them as someone well within range for you

• Remember they're only human. They have their own insecurities

• And they will not even consider someone who feels less than them

• So when you see him, you need to remind yourself he is your equal

• He is in your range

• He is another human being looking for a connection

• Interact with that in mind


SPILLING THE COFFEE

Results of some pretty revealing research blew my mind & really confirm what I teach

The study involved applying for a job and the interview interaction

The results are startling and can eaily be applied to dating, too

Basically 3 candidates were sent into job interviews - 2 were the perfect candidate with good personalities and all the requirements and 1 was a great personality but less-than-perfect requirements

1 of the 2 perfect candidates was asked to spill coffee in their interview!

It sounds awkward and a slam dunk that the more coordinated perfect candidate would get the job offer
But no. The person who spilled the coffee got the job offer every time

Why is this? Because spilling the coffee humanized the job candidate to the interviewer

We want to use this same principle in interacting with someone you may deem out of your league

If you are vulnerable, even awkward, it's endearing. It humanizes you

All of this is to say that you don't have to be perfect, just relatable

I had a client who considered herself kind of plain.  She literally called herself "basic" which made me laugh

I did have to get her to think of herself differently

We also used her self-effacing charm to simply bond better

She ended up catching the eye of an eligible guy who she would usually have deemed way out of her league

He had women vying for him left and right

But my client's down-to-earth, even awkward charm, was what caught his attention

She met him as an equal, bonded well and owned her humanity

He asked her on a date, things went well and the two are now engaged


YOUR HOMEWORK

1. I want you to realize you don't have to be perfect to attract someone you have deemed out of your league. You just want to be approachable and human, even show some imperfections

2. Practice looking men in the eye and at least smiling -- as an equal. I know for some of my clients who have been intimidated by the hot, eligible ones, this in itself is big growth. Studies show that eye contact and smiling are very attractive and magnetic


3. In the old days, women used to drop their scarves to get a man to have to do something for them. Do you have to go that far? No, it's manipulative. But it's okay to be awkward or even clumsy. Just be YOU in all your humanity and know that's enough


4. Try to make any interaction = they talk - you talk - they talk. You don't want either side to have a monologue because that is not engaging either way