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Q: Kathryn, I met this guy last week using your attraction technique but I feel like I’m already blowing it

We were wildly attracted when we met at a party. I did what you teach, and it worked! He got my number immediately and texted for a date, which we went on last night

We had a great time except for one little blip. We have mutual friends, and he mentioned my recent breakup, which he knew about from the grapevine

I had to admit I got defensive. It wasn’t a great breakup, and I defended myself a bit. It wasn’t one of my better moments, and I don’t even know if he was criticizing me to begin with

I really overreacted

We got back to normal, had a good time the rest of the night including some kissing, but he didn’t mention seeing each other again, and I’m scared I messed things up

Was this a dealbreaker? Is there any way to retrieve this situation?

A: Okay, so I have to admit you broke one of the cardinal rules of dating by reacting badly and getting unpleasant, even just for a moment

You got defensive, even though he may not have really been accusing you of anything

And that no doubt pushed him away

When you’re interested in someone, there’s a way to conduct yourself on a date, especially early in

You did pretty well but next time, avoid any controversy between the two of you

That’s a warning sign

So here are some things to never do with someone you are interested in:

1. Don’t drag in your past

You did this when you reacted badly about your ex. Yes, you can talk about past experiences, but don’t exhibit any strong emotions especially directed to your current date

You lashed out to him by getting defensive, which is not great

2. Keep things light and harmonious

You want to feel you’re on each other’s side. And sharing things. In that moment, you didn’t do that

You assumed he was accusing you of something or criticizing you, and you reacted to that

Next time, be less reactive and if you do react, make it be on the side of sharing something rather than your pushing him away

It’s all about how the two of you are connecting and relating no matter what you’re discussing

3. Your reaction pointed to something deeper that you need to work on. 

Until you handle it, it can prove hard to attract someone and keep them

I bless you for the love you so deserve. 

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Q: Kathryn, I know you’ve had a lot of success with your holdouts, those people who haven’t found love easily

But I want to play devil’s advocate here (and yes, I am frustrated)

Who are these people who are not holdouts? Who are those who find love so easily and what do they have that I don’t have? Please tell me. I'd like to become one of them

A: I don’t think I’ve ever had a question worded that way but it’s a good one

So let me tell you who manifests first

I’ve had a lot of experience with this through the years of courses and programs I’ve run

There are always the ones who manifest the most quickly, and I’ve noticed what they did that made it go more quickly for them

They fall into 3 categories:

Category 1 - The innocent. These are the ones willing to put cynicism aside and get hopeful

It’s akin to beginner’s luck. Some are young. Some are inexperienced. And all are ready to try this and truly believe it can work

Category 2 - Those who come to me for help and really will throw in with me

One of the best ways to go beyond what you’ve ever experienced is to have someone pull you up who is ahead of you

As you may know, I was a late bloomer – a single mom for 10 years – who found my soulmate while not a spring chicken and had a few more children with him. We just celebrated our 15^thanniversary

So I’m a great one to pull people into soulmate love. Especially with our track record, the wall of weddings and thousands of love stories coming from this work

It really works to coach with someone who can ease you past your blocks and trust them to show you the way

Category 3 - Those who dive in with both feet

Right now, I’m in the midst of leading a Dating Mastermind. It started about six weeks ago

And guess what? We already have quite a few people in love and dating very seriously

Do you know who those people are? They’re the ones who prioritized our work together, listen to the materials repeatedly and really are trying the steps I outline

And it’s paying off for them in a major, wonderful way!

If you can get yourself into one of these categories, then you will find love with no further delay. These categories of people are always first to join my wall of weddings

I bless you for just that!

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 Q: Kathryn, the subject of kissing is coming up for me. In high school, I had a date ask if I had ever kissed before. It was humiliating, and it even got around school that I was a bad kisser. I’m not sure if I ever got over that either because I feel so insecure about kissing even now!

So I’m in your mastermind, and I’ve just started seeing the hottest guy I’ve ever dated. We had coffee for the first date, but he has already asked me out for this weekend

I’m so excited but still, I’m a nervous wreck about the kissing part. Do you have any tips about kissing? When we should have our first kiss (and I’m dying to kiss him – I am so attracted) and what is the best way to kiss?

A: I’m glad you asked this question because kissing is super important!

Studies show that not only do couples that kiss regularly have better marriages but they live longer and are more healthy

Kissing is the first step toward bonding with someone you’re interested in. After you’ve kissed there is something extra in your connection, you’ve added some oomph plus the promise of more to come . . .

However, if kissing goes wrong, it can be a deal breaker. Over half of people who broke it off early on did so over a kiss gone awry

Kissing is a great chemistry builder. I have another woman in our group who had a guy friend kiss her out of the blue, and now they are hot and heavy

She was practicing some of the connecting skills you guys are learning in the group and it worked!

When do you kiss?

If you’re practicing your flirting and connecting well, then you know the other person is attracted

You’ve been sharing some light touches, seeing the reaction and can gage where you are with each other

And you’ve been creating some chemistry, following what I’ve been teaching you

1. Kisses can happen at any time, but usually when you’re connecting deeply or saying good-bye

2. You want to be ready for it. Breath mints, clean teeth and even drinking water assure you’re appealing (bad breath or tasting bad are a real deal breakers). Keep some mints on hand or drink a bunch of water which improves your breath, too. You can even keep a small toothbrush and toothpaste in your purse or backpack and excuse yourself to brush your teeth during the date – especially after food

Lay off the garlic or onions for early dates, as well ;)

3. Everyone kisses differently, so the first touch of lips (if yours tend toward dry, start moisturizing them now) should be a “hello” – a light touch that you hold a moment and then pull away

4. Studies show guys in general like more tongue and women don’t want it to be too rough or a tongue almost choking them. So you need to be sensitive to it and go slow. A little tongue pretty early but with a gentle touch

5. Imagine your energies merging as you kiss and it’s fine to allow yourself to get hot and bothered. As you connect, you want to be really in tune with your partner – what they like, how it’s going, so you meet them energy wise and motion wise. If they’re a little more ardent, meet them there. And if their tongue is gently exploring, explore back

I have to admit I’m laughing at going down this road – it could get kind of romance –novely

But I know it’s important due to some of the crazy stories I get in my work that have to do with kissing

This is a good start. Because we’re working together, then I’m holding your hand through all of the stages, and we’ll parlay this into what you want

I’m proud you’re manifesting so well, so let’s keep going!

Much love & support to you as you savor this blossoming romance. I’ve got your back!

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Have you ever had a walk of shame or a bad morning after experience with a date?

Read on to find out how to never have that happen again

Q: Oh, God. I am a life coach so you would think I would know better but right now, I feel humiliated

I’ve been flirting with this guy I know through mutual friends for a few months. I have to admit I developed a crush on him

He is so sexy to me, and I was hoping it might go somewhere

Last night, I ended up going home with him after a get-together. I had a few drinks in me, and he lived close to the party. We were getting pretty handsy, making out at the event, one thing led to another and it ended in his bed

At the time, it felt like a dream. We were getting close, he was saying very romantic things like “I’ve always wanted to kiss you”. It was hot and heavy!

I had a great time and I think he did, too. I fell asleep in his bed, and when I woke up, it was different. Basically, it felt like he wanted me out of there

He was kind of cold, not lovey dovey like last night. He didn’t offer me coffee or breakfast. He didn’t even offer to walk me to my car a few blocks away where the party was

He said he was late for work and needed to go. It was pretty abrupt and threw cold water on any hopes I had for a relationship

So I had my walk of shame back to my car, slinking back to get it with messy hair, clothes from the night before and praying no friends were around to see me

I am so depressed right now. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? I am humiliated and I guess it’s clear he doesn’t want any more than he got last night

A: Well, I think we can safely cross this guy off of your list

He’s not worthy of you to treat you that way in the end

And I wouldn’t even bother being humiliated. If anyone should be, it’s him for taking you home with him and then being a very poor host

But let’s learn from this so you can attract a better experience into your life

1. We need more of a green light than a casual flirtation to spend the night with someone. Going home after a party with drinks involved is too easy and as you can feel right now, not honoring enough of you

2. There are times when people will say anything and act any way to get you in bed. Some are very practiced at this to get what they want. He may have been one of those people

3. That is why it’s better to wait longer and be sure of someone’s intentions. If it’s your soulmate, he’ll be willing to wait on you until you feel ready to get close

4. It feels like your crush on him made you abandon judgment and go for it with him even though there were signs it wasn’t serious on his end. Crushes can make us see through rose colored glasses

5. It’s good to make sure you’re not doing all the heavy lifting in a relationship. It was very easy for him to get close to you and take you home. He didn’t have to plan a date, didn’t have to even ask you out. In the future, make sure it’s really mutual

6. Here’s some soothing news now. Most of us have done a walk of shame before, getting into something where we gave way too much and felt hurt and humiliated. It does not mean you are doomed to never find love

We just have to learn from this and do better next time

• Hold yourself to a higher standard. And even if you have a crush, I’d go slowly to make sure it’s based on something solid

• Your soulmate will be even more hot to you PLUS he’ll be wild about you and make no bones about it

• There is nothing more satisfying than finding that one with whom your first night together is off the chain. He doesn’t want you to leave in the morning, makes you coffee and breakfast and is already asking when he can see you again

• He cuddles you in the morning, rubs your back and revels in you still being there

• This happened to a woman I worked with who just got married this past weekend. She was giving up, felt the odds were very low for her as an AA woman and had some very insulting experiences with guys who seemed to be “players”

• Well that ended once we worked on some limiting beliefs she had (about her prospects). She set her standards higher and worked on her point of attraction

• Within just a couple of months, she met the most handsome guy you could ever imagine who is gentle, nurturing and head over heels in love with her. Nothing like anyone she had danced around with before

• Since these two got together, it has been sheer magic with one thing after another manifesting for them

• Culminating in a beautiful wedding this past weekend where she could not have been more radiant on this amazing man’s arm

• A very different story than what happened for you last night. You can hope for this same ending if we can change some things for you

• It’ll just be a distant bump on the road on your way to unimaginable bliss

I bless you for the love you SO deserve. It’s closer than you think!