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Q: Kathryn, I met this guy last week using your attraction technique but I feel like I’m already blowing it
We were wildly attracted when we met at a party. I did what you teach, and it worked! He got my number immediately and texted for a date, which we went on last night
We had a great time except for one little blip. We have mutual friends, and he mentioned my recent breakup, which he knew about from the grapevine
I had to admit I got defensive. It wasn’t a great breakup, and I defended myself a bit. It wasn’t one of my better moments, and I don’t even know if he was criticizing me to begin with
I really overreacted
We got back to normal, had a good time the rest of the night including some kissing, but he didn’t mention seeing each other again, and I’m scared I messed things up
Was this a dealbreaker? Is there any way to retrieve this situation?
A: Okay, so I have to admit you broke one of the cardinal rules of dating by reacting badly and getting unpleasant, even just for a moment
You got defensive, even though he may not have really been accusing you of anything
And that no doubt pushed him away
When you’re interested in someone, there’s a way to conduct yourself on a date, especially early in
You did pretty well but next time, avoid any controversy between the two of you
That’s a warning sign
So here are some things to never do with someone you are interested in:
1. Don’t drag in your past
You did this when you reacted badly about your ex. Yes, you can talk about past experiences, but don’t exhibit any strong emotions especially directed to your current date
You lashed out to him by getting defensive, which is not great
2. Keep things light and harmonious
You want to feel you’re on each other’s side. And sharing things. In that moment, you didn’t do that
You assumed he was accusing you of something or criticizing you, and you reacted to that
Next time, be less reactive and if you do react, make it be on the side of sharing something rather than your pushing him away
It’s all about how the two of you are connecting and relating no matter what you’re discussing
3. Your reaction pointed to something deeper that you need to work on.
Until you handle it, it can prove hard to attract someone and keep them
I bless you for the love you so deserve.
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