DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE: Do's & Don'ts

Q: Kathryn, I have the most trouble connecting with someone who is hot. I get flushed and intimidated. I can barely look anyone I find attractive in the eye.

I know you say that my soulmate will be the hottest person to me, but how are we supposed to connect when I can't even speak? It's frustrating, and I have no idea how to get over this. Please help!

A: This is a subject I often deal with people on. Until you can connect with someone attractive to you, you are basically discounting every single possible soulmate. Not ideal!

Let me continue with the dating out of your league (updating) tips -- this time on connecting -- and that should help.

UPDATING, PART 2: Connecting Do's and Don'ts

In Part 1 of Dating Out of Your League, I called this UPDATING. I don't believe that ANYONE is out of your league, but if you do, I am revealing how to get beyond this and date who you want to -- one step at a time. Part 1 covered The Approach. I asked that when you find someone attractive, no matter how intimidated you feel, you approach them in some way, even with a smile or eye contact. If you don't, you pretty much rule out the very people who may be your soulmate (you will have crackling chemistry with your One).

In Part 2, we cover Connecting Do's and Don'ts. After you have approached someone you are attracted to, you need to seek a connection. Here are some tips. 

1. DO watch your energy. You want to seem mildly interested, pleasant and harmless. 

2. DON'T exude desperation or pushiness. You might as well put your hand on their chest and give them a shove away from you. Why? Desperation and pushiness repel.

3. DO honor the person's boundaries. Don't violate their personal space (learn to be aware of this). Don't go into a monologue if you can tell they're not into what you're saying 

4. DON'T seek to be dazzling. Your stellar personality will be less interesting than being a good listener. 

5. DO look deeply into your attraction's eyes and

become acutely aware of the connection between the two of you.

Connecting should be light, fun and with sensitive energy. Running anyone over with a bulldozer of in-their-face energy may send them scrambling for cover. Practice this in the next couple of weeks with no attachment to the results just to get better at connecting when you want to. More to come!

HEARTBREAK CORNER - Acute Grief

Lately, I've had a large number of people come to me in acute grief. How do you know if you're in acute grief? It is hard to function normally. At its worst, you can't sleep, either don't eat or eat too much and cry a lot of the time. If you have pain enough that you can't concentrate at work, are unusually fatigued or spend large chunks of time emotionally taking care of yourself, these are also signs of acute grief.

It is an unusual time and our bodies literally can't last in this state for too long. Therefore, you will bounce back. Don't expect much of yourself during this time. Here are tips for getting through:

1. Take care of yourself physically first. Eat regularly, sleep extra, walk out in the sun for at least 15 minutes every day.

2. Don't add extra pressure on yourself right now. This is the time to pamper yourself with extra lounging time, sleep time and downtime -- you need it.

3. Soothe yourself in any way that you can. Seek out prayer, counseling, supportive friends and anything else that feels good to you -- even a movie or show that distracts you (distraction is fine).

4. Look forward to the future. This is one of the tools in my Breakup Bootcamp. I ask people to begin to formulate a vision that they want in their lives. This keeps you from wallowing in the grief which is no fun and not productive. The more you can get yourself into a hopeful, positive state the sooner things will transform for you.

This is not the end for you. There is more love, more joy and more living awaiting. Remembering that will get you through the trauma state quicker. Blessings to you as you bounce back!