Q: Kathryn, I have an issue with guys I'm intimidated by. I can't approach them, can't hold a coherent discussion and feel they would never be interested in me. I think I heard you mention something about updating one time. What is it and does that relate to my issue? Can you help me overcome this? I feel like it gets in my way as far as finding my soulmate goes.

A: Updating is basically dating out of your league. I don't believe in it but many buy into this notion. If you feel someone is scary to talk to because they're desirable to you, you may believe that they're somehow better than you. This is a false idea. There ARE NO leagues, only human beings looking to connect.

The next time that you see someone you find attractive, here are some suggestions on connecting with them.

1. Get rid of the idea that they're better than you or could reject you. They can't. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit.

2. Remember we're not all attracted to the same thing so there is probably a REASON that you're vibing with this person. Intend to explore what is there.

3. Shore up your energy so it's not desperate, which is repellent. Remind yourself that you are special, a catch for your soulmate. Personality, I’d take this advice if I want to find my soulmate.

4. With no agenda other than connecting and keeping in mind that you are worthy of ANYTHING, approach the person and look him in the eye. Smile and ask him something about himself. Remember he's just a human being like you and needs to connect.

If you are fearful of approaching someone you're actually drawn to, like many that I work with, you automatically count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. I cannot be scared of approaching my soulmate. Make it a point to stretch into allowing connections with those you find attractive. If you believe in updating, then vow to be a master at it!

I send you love for conquering your "hot person" jitters. Your soul mate is the hottest person you'll encounter just like my soulmate, so we have to get a handle on this issue.

I'm going to continue exploring this topic of updating in the coming weeks, since I have so many questions from you all that relate. So check back with the blog soon or subscribe above so you don't miss anything.



Q: I've been seeing this guy I really like. It started out super strong and now is petering out. He's not calling as much, and doesn't plan ahead for dates with me. I wonder if I did something wrong that pushed him away . . . like be too needy. Do you think there's a way to make this work out? I want it to so badly. Do you think I have a chance with him still? Or did I blow it? Please help me, Kathryn.

A: I have good news. There really is a chance that it can work out! But we would need to test it out and do some things differently just to see. Here's the dating advice or protocol I would prescribe.

1. Have you been doing all of the heavy lifting? Like the bulk of the texting, phoning and emailing to set things up? If so, you need to slack off. Back off and give him a chance to initiate some contact and even some plans.



We don't want to force it into happening. There needs to be some reciprocity and mutuality of interest.

2. Let go a bit while being warm and connected when you do communicate. This looks like calling less, finding other things to be busy about and doing a release on him internally -- something you probably know is a specialty of mine. This is one dating advice you’d want to keep.

3. Get and stay at soulmate level. Your vibration is everything. You can make anything work out, attract just like you want and more when you are in the right place energetically. Neediness and desperation are at the bottom rung of attraction and will never get you what you want.

Soulmate Level is hopeful, released, happy and standing in how amazing you are. It brings just what you want to you.

4. Don't put all of your eggs in this one basket (of this guy no matter how much you like him). This is another dating advice you should take seriously. Look around and be open to others (if you aren't in a committed situation which I gather you're not). Flirt and focus elsewhere.

I bless you for working this out. It's possible, and remember that no matter what, you get love with your soulmate. Hope you find my dating advice helpful.

I'm sending you love & support!