Q: Kathryn, I have the most trouble connecting with someone who is hot. I get flushed and intimidated. I can barely look anyone I find attractive in the eye.

I know you say that my soulmate will be the hottest person to me, but how are we supposed to connect when I can't even speak? It's frustrating, and I have no idea how to get over this. Please help!

A: This is a subject I often deal with people on. Until you can connect with someone attractive to you, you are basically discounting every single possible soulmate. Not ideal!

Let me continue with the updating tips -- this time on connecting -- and that should help.

UPDATING, PART 2: Connecting Do's and Don'ts 

In Part 1 of Updating, I defined Updating as dating out of your league. I don't believe that ANYONE is out of your league, but if you do, I am revealing some dating tips on how to get beyond this and date who you want to -- one step at a time. Part 1 covered The Approach. I asked that when you find someone attractive, no matter how intimidated you feel, you approach them in some way, even with a smile or eye contact. If you don't, you pretty much rule out the very people who may be your soulmate (you will have crackling chemistry with your One).

In Part 2, we cover dating tips such as Connecting Do's and Don'ts. After you have approached someone you are attracted to, you need to seek a connection. Here are some dating tips.

1. DO watch your energy. You want to seem mildly interested, pleasant and harmless.

2. DON'T exude desperation or pushiness. You might as well put your hand on their chest and give them a shove away from you. Why? Desperation and pushiness repel.

3. DO honor the person's boundaries. Don't violate their personal space (learn to be aware of this). Don't go into a monologue if you can tell they're not into what you're saying.

4. DON'T seek to be dazzling. Your stellar personality will be less interesting than being a good listener.

5. DO look deeply into your attraction's eyes and become acutely aware of the connection between the two of you.

Connecting should be light, fun and with sensitive energy. Running anyone over with a bulldozer of in-their-face energy may send them scrambling for cover. Practice these dating tips for connecting with someone in the next couple of weeks with no attachment to the results just to get better at connecting when you want to. More dating tips to come!

Q: Kathryn, I have an issue with guys I'm intimidated by. I can't approach them, can't hold a coherent discussion and feel they would never be interested in me. I think I heard you mention something about updating one time. What is it and does that relate to my issue? Can you help me overcome this? I feel like it gets in my way as far as finding my soulmate goes.

A: Updating is basically dating out of your league. I don't believe in it but many buy into this notion. If you feel someone is scary to talk to because they're desirable to you, you may believe that they're somehow better than you. This is a false idea. There ARE NO leagues, only human beings looking to connect.

The next time that you see someone you find attractive, here are some suggestions on connecting with them.

1. Get rid of the idea that they're better than you or could reject you. They can't. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit.

2. Remember we're not all attracted to the same thing so there is probably a REASON that you're vibing with this person. Intend to explore what is there.

3. Shore up your energy so it's not desperate, which is repellent. Remind yourself that you are special, a catch for your soulmate. Personality, I’d take this advice if I want to find my soulmate.

4. With no agenda other than connecting and keeping in mind that you are worthy of ANYTHING, approach the person and look him in the eye. Smile and ask him something about himself. Remember he's just a human being like you and needs to connect.

If you are fearful of approaching someone you're actually drawn to, like many that I work with, you automatically count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. I cannot be scared of approaching my soulmate. Make it a point to stretch into allowing connections with those you find attractive. If you believe in updating, then vow to be a master at it!

I send you love for conquering your "hot person" jitters. Your soul mate is the hottest person you'll encounter just like my soulmate, so we have to get a handle on this issue.

I'm going to continue exploring this topic of updating in the coming weeks, since I have so many questions from you all that relate. So check back with the blog soon or subscribe above so you don't miss anything.