Q: I have a friend who -- annoyingly -- always has a boyfriend. The minute one relationship ends, she finds another boyfriend right away. Why is it so easy for her and so hard for me? I haven’t even dated anyone in over a year. Why her and not me?!

A: Great question, and one I often get asked. Yes, your friend has something you don’t, but it’s not what you think. And just to reassure you, I often have folks in a similar position pass their friend by finding love and getting married while the friend is still going through boyfriend after boyfriend. It’s not a competition, but if it were, you don’t LOSE.

What your friend has that you don’t is the following:

a) A good template for having a boyfriend. She’s used to it, so it’s easier to manifest again. I’ll bet you have some areas in your life that are easy for you, too.

b) Faith that she gets love, that someone out there will be right for her and that she’s lovable.

If you lack the above, then it’s interfering with your ability to manifest love. But the good news is that there are ways to develop these things and manifest so easily you can’t believe it.

 A similar feeling of being left out can arise if you feel like someone else got chosen over you. If that happens, it's not rejection at all.

 Remember there's no rejection, only the wrong fit.

 Instead, it just means that the person who did not choose you is not your One.

 But if you can carry on, you'll find that one who can never see past you and is even hotter than the "one that got away."

 Every now & again, I get this weird phenomenon where someone gets a crush on the wrong person, who never is quite mutual in the feelings, and later goes on to meet another person who is almost an exact replica of their crush but usually even hotter and more right for them because it's their true soulmate.

 And of course in the latter case, the feelings are entirely mutual and the couple go on into a life together.

 I call this the Mistaken Identity Soulmate Situation - LOL!

I affirm that you are NEXT and don't have to wait any longer to be the one chosen and in a relationship even better than some of your serial monogamist friends because it lasts for a lifetime.

Q: Kathryn, my boyfriend and I recently broke up, and he almost immediately got together with someone else. His new girlfriend seems so perfect: 20 pounds lighter than me, younger and very beautiful. He seems so happy, and I just don’t get it.

He was not that nice when we broke up. How can someone who acted so badly get this happiness, and yet I’m still alone. It just doesn’t seem fair, and I have to admit I obsess about this far too much.

I know you’ll tell me to do more releasing but why did he bounce back so quickly and get so much when I’m a good person who took so much crap from him and I’m the one suffering here?

Can you help me understand this?

A: This is a great question, and I’m so happy you wrote me.

What you’re talking about is something that so many do.

They cause themselves untold pain for no good reason.

Why? Consider this:

 It’s pretty normal to go through a period of reckoning regarding your ex after a break-up.

 And far too often, I hear someone like you obsessing over how happy your ex gets to be while you suffer.

 THE SAD TRUTH: You don’t really know how well your ex is doing or not doing because you can’t get inside his head.

 THE SADISTIC TRUTH: If you GOT OUT A BAT and started beating yourself, it would probably be less painful than what you are doing to yourself in your head.

 I know that sounds dramatic but it’s excruciating to go over and over this telling yourself how pitiful you are and how gloriously happy he is.

 Your ex dragged his problems with him. So it’s likely he’s not as happy as you think. Anyone that disconnected to behave in that way is not in a good enough place to be super happy – at least not for long.

So what can we do with this to get you where YOU’RE the happy one?

1. Every time you start obsessing over your ex again, catch yourself.

2. Remind yourself that you don’t know how he is, and you will not get out that bat and start beating yourself with thoughts that are hurtful to you.

3. Then, turn your thoughts to something more productive. Anything that will make you feel better – like dreaming of a soulmate that is so much better than he was to you.

4. Here’s another truth: you have no idea how long your ex will last with this new woman, and you will pass him as you find your One, someone who is head & shoulders above what you have had so far.

5. If we can keep your eyes on where you want to go rather than pulling out that bat, we can quickly magnetize the love of your life, and you’ll be far too happy in his arms to give another thought to your ex beyond thanking God it didn’t work out with him

If we can shift this, your soulmate will come to you and it will be a done deal.

I’m blessing you for the soulmate you so deserve. Let’s put away the bat and get on toward the happy life awaiting you as you let go.