Q: Kathryn, I have always settled in relationship and have never ever dated someone I could see marrying

One of my friends told me about your work in which you teach that being picky is good

What?! That's so opposite of what I've always been told

To be honest, I'm petrified of any guy who seems promising and they feel way out of my league

So what should I do? Should I TRY to date out of my league?


A: People have some strange ideas about love, and one stands out as the absolute worst one if you want to find the love of your life.

That is the concept of Dating Our of Your League (I call this UPDATING)

Almost every single I’ve worked with is occasionally intimidated by someone they find attractive. 

And yet, that person is the most likely to be their soulmate.

that you will have crackling chemistry with your One.

The good news is there is NO SUCH THING as updating. No one is out of your league. We are all equal.

But coming together with your soulmate can stress you out, if you (and this is common) buy into the idea of updating.

Folks who believe in updating (even unknowingly) will always think their soulmate is out of their league.

Why? Because this is the hottest person you’ve ever met.

The solution is to get rid of the updating concept and elevate yourself to a place where no one is out of reach for you.

I will write more about this in the coming weeks. I know it's a topic that needs addressing so stay turned for more

In the meantime, start thinking of yourself as more of a catch -- as worthy as any great guy you see

We need to work on this or else you are consigned to being continually disappointed in your love life

I bless you for knowing just how worthy you are of someone special to you!

Q: Kathryn, I did your course and now, I've finally met someone. It's scary because he's everything I've wanted. I find myself getting nervous, thinking that it's too perfect, maybe too good to be true?!

He's the one who voluntarily took his profile off matchmaking websites and wants to see me all the time. We text all day long. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is this too good to be true? What can I do?! I'm just so scared that I'll blow it or he will go away. Please help!

A: Congrats! You've done this process well and now you're manifesting. This is what typically happens with people who do my work? Why?

Because when you find your soulmate, it's beyond what you've ever experienced and it can take some getting used to.

I have a client experiencing a similar situation now, and I'm having to do a lot of handholding with her to get her through her own jitters.

Here's what I suggest to navigate this fun, courtship period.

1. Don't cry soulmate yet. It's fine to be cautious and give it the time it deserves to relish and make sure it's the right guy. So far, so good, though, and congrats on that!

2. Do go slowly. If he's really your One, then he will

be willing to wait for you to proceed at your own pace. Besides, it's fun to draw out this stage.

3. Remember to not put all of your eggs in one basket until it's a very solid commitment that has lasted a while. Regardless of how this relationship ends up, it's a huge manifestation and big thumbs up that you're almost there.

4. Take this as a template. Get used to it going this well as your due. You're breaking new ground, and I'm proud of you.

5. Finally, your most important job right now is to get up to speed with having a hot guy be enthused about you. If you were up to speed with it, you would not have jitters. You'd enjoy it, and you'd take it as your due. So our most important task is for you to accept your good and get used to it.

In my private practice, getting people up to speed -- conforming to their good -- is a major step we take. When you get there, it can never be taken away from you, and you'll only go on into more and more of what you want.

Great job! I'm blessing you for going all the way into the soulmate love you want so much. You're doing quite well.

I'm sending you love & support!

Q: Kathryn, a friend recently introduced me to your lovely work, and it’s giving me hope for the first time in a long while

I’m a stressed-out, straight single mom just like you once were

And okay, I’m good at seeing the humor in things. So . . . the soulmate I came up as being perfect for me is {drumroll} . . . .

A gay millionaire in construction

LOL! Isn’t that horrible?! One of my best friends is gay, and honestly, he treats me the way I want my soulmate to.

I just want a dude to come fuss over me, be tidy, pay the bills and fix things up around the house.

I remember your story one time about the older

woman you helped who met a guy who showed up every weekend for dates with a toolbox to do repairs at her house – right off of her soulmate list.

And I sure don’t blame her for marrying him.

Could I have one of those, please?!

In all seriousness, my cup is so empty. I cannot think beyond someone coming to take away my stress. 

Can I attract my guy with this frame of mind? Am I shooting too low?

A: Girl, you are cracking me up!

I love your humor and some lucky guy is going to have fun with you for the rest of his life

Are you shooting too low? Well, if you’re straight and a gay guy is appealing right now (which I totally get in a way), you’d be settling, right? Not really shooting too low, but this is not a fit. And yes, I know you were joking. Sorta

In short, you are in a needy place that’s not the best place to attract what you want

This is something we can fix, though! Here’s how I would coach someone like you:

1. Work on receiving – let’s work on not trying to do it all alone. Even right now, I guarantee you there is help beyond what you’ve been letting in. We must start filling up your cup so you don’t feel so stressed & needy

2. Start saying NO better and doing less. I’ll bet there are a lot of things you think that you should do that are optional. And often, I find stressed-out people are bad with boundaries. It’s hard to decline things people ask of you. If there was ever anyone who needs to do less and receive more, that is you

3. Have your child do more. He’s in 5th grade! Your boy is old enough to help out. I find that many parents these days think of themselves as “employees” of their child, and it produces spoiled children with bad attitudes

Tell him he’s a member of the household, must contribute and you need him. Think of a few things he can do weekly to pitch in and take some weight off of your shoulders. He’ll start feeling proud about it, and you will get a break, too

4. Go for the “pie in the sky” (it’s not really that). Let’s imagine you could have a STRAIGHT millionaire who’s good around the house or can simply hire a handyman. I don’t believe in settling, and everyone I’ve worked with who has found love did not settle

They got their dream person. And you can, too

I’m sending you SO much love for having it all, for replenishing yourself and finding that perfect partner who makes you feel cared for

You deserve that, and as you know, I have a soft spot for single moms