In a television interview I did yesterday, the interviewer asked a good question. She wanted to know if my relationship with my husband; my Soulmate had strife. I said “not really,” and that I feel that Soulmates have a much smoother path than other relationships. She probed further about my marriage, and got to the fact that yes, Jon and I have differences. While they do not produce big arguments between my Soulmate and me, we do have to work out things on occasion, and I said as much.

What I have seen, both in my marriage and in those of others is that the differences are good for us. Jon’s laid-back, relaxed attitude sometimes irritates me when I want to go fast. BUT he forced me to take vacations, something I badly needed. And when I give in to his organic way of dealing with life, more magic happens for us. Jon, my Soulmate, says that he appreciates my efficiency in getting things done and I teach him how to go faster. 

Soulmates fall in love with their differences and I believe that as long as we appreciate them and use them to grow, they do not have to be a negative but instead produce balance. 

A man at a Sydney book lecture asked a great question. He wanted to know how you tell the difference between divine guidance and your own deluded thinking especially in love matters. Are there Soulmate signs? The fact is that many of us, in the throes of a deep attachment toward another, are SURE that the person is our Soulmate. And this energy can be so strong that a psychic may even read the energy as meaning you two are meant to be together.

BUT the man who asked the question admitted he had pined away for several women that his "intuition" said were his Soulmate, only for it not to work out. The fact is that intuition CAN'T COME THROUGH when it is being clouded by your own wishful thinking. There is a voice I call the Voice of Attachment that sounds very real, there are necessarily no Soulmate signs to know if someone is your Soulmate.

The measure of whether the message you're getting is attachment or intuition is this -- are you in a centered, unattached place when you hear the voice? Or are you hopelessly obsessing over someone? If it's the latter (and especially if you have a pattern of mistaking attachment for Soulmate signs or messages like this man), best to err on the side of caution, and do some release work.

When your TRUE Soulmate appears, there will be no doubt and things will work out with NO second guessing and NO agony. Hold out for that. It'll be worth the wait!!


When you are in pain over someone, there can be a tendency to over-dramatize the whole thing, and it may be difficult getting over heartbreak. Yes, you are hurting, but exaggerating how awful the other person is, how victimized you are or how you just lost the love of your life is not doing yourself a favor; it will only make the process of getting over heartbreak more complicated.

Yes, you are mourning a loss, but remind yourself that:

a - Your ex is only human. (S)he is not allowed to be on a pedestal nor cast as the biggest villain of all time

b - There are no victims, only volunteers after a certain point.

c - As soon as your attachment fades, you will no longer feel this is the best love you could ever want. Remind yourself NOW that you will have more love, and a love that will be more rewarding, AND that it is not kind to yourself to think you'll never get better. Therefore, getting over heartbreak is important.

Try to catch yourself when you go into tragedy/drama mode and rein yourself in for your OWN sake! Get back to positive thinking as quickly as you can by getting over heartbreak first.

This is not the end for you. There is more love, more joy and more living awaiting you. Remembering that will get you through the release more quickly.

In my book LOVE WILL FIND YOU, I say that sex is not important. (I got a lot of flack for that: LOL!) Let me clarify. It is not the make or break of a marriage. It does not guarantee a happy marriage. However, our bodies are set up to have sex and do have a natural sex drive that needs to be honored even though it's not the key to a happy marriage.

I find that your soulmate is someone with whom you have crackling chemistry so the sex tends to be good.

If there are sexual differences and you're sure you're with your soulmate, I would NOT try to make someone meet your needs if they don't want to. Rather settle into the sexual dynamic present between you and enjoy it. Understanding is one of the keys to a happy marriage.

Q: Kathryn, I’m dating the best guy I’ve ever dated. He is even my boyfriend! But I find myself constantly on pins and needles that I will lose him. It’s never been this amazing with anyone before, and I’m at a loss. I know you say that he’s not too good for me – that no one is – but it feels that way. I almost make myself sick, worrying about it. 

A: so you’ve gotten someone who you consider out of your league? You’re dating and even committed. How do you keep him or her? The following spiritual techniques will work better than the most skillful manipulation technique that a traditional dating coach could teach you. So here’s my dating advice for you.

1.           Continue to work on your own self-image. No one is really “too good” for you. Updating is a false concept. And so, you need to repeatedly remind yourself that you’re worthy of this person. It’s important that the two of you have an equal relationship in which you don’t feel one-down.

2.           Relax. When you find yourself panicking that you’ll lose this “catch,” use faith-building tools like prayer, meditation, uplifting reading and affirmations: (“I GET this and nothing can take away what is mine in consciousness!”). Mellow energy shows confidence and there is no greater magnet. This dating advice had helped a lot of couples.

3.           Communicate. Keep an open channel of connection with your boyfriend. It’s one of the best ways to ensure a continued, vital relationship. Strive to keep revealing yourself to your One, even if it’s scary and continue to explore your partner. You can never get to the bottom of another. Those who have applied this dating advice have always had improvement in their relationship.

4.           Let go. A loose way of holding on is MUCH more magnetic than becoming clingy, paranoid or having to keep close tabs (all of which are repellant energies) on your love. Release and watch things blossom! Apply this dating advice and you would enjoy your relationship.