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Happy almost Halloween!
I hope you'll use this week to plot some fun for yourself. It's one of the most enjoyable times of the year.
One great way to find out what is going on is to sign up for Evenbrite and then connect it with your facebook account. It will tell you where friends are going and some good events in your area.
You worry you'll get dumped or deemed not worthy of the person you want. This will hold you up and demoralize you, too.
THE TRUTH: You're just looking for that One Person who is hottest to you and would never, could never, reject you. There is no rejection, just the wrong fit. Conducting your love life trying to avoid "rejection" will slow you down, so we need to get rid of this notion.
Example: One person I worked with was paralyzed by fear of rejection after having a couple of painful dating situations. We had to put all of her past behind her and she went forward with a new determination to not be cowed by seeming rejection. After a couple of wrong fits, she quickly found her guy, and they are now engaged.
You worry about being made a fool of or appearing like a loser in dating.
THE TRUTH: This fear is based on caring what others think, which can't work out. We can't control what others think of us, and therefore, it just can't matter. You just need to go for it with little heed about whether you're playing "the fool" or not. The real fools are those who get so bowed down worrying what others think that they don't live life fully.
Example: When I recently taught in London, I co-taught with at 26 year old love teacher whose message was to let loose. His message had everyone acting silly and having fun. It was great to watch reserved people opening up, and since the event, one quiet gal has already found someone serious to date. She finally gave herself permission to open up.
Losing someone you care about
We all experience loss in our lives, and for some, they become paralyzed by fear of yet another good-bye.
THE TRUTH: We need to get used to letting go and moving on, because there will be many farewells in our life's journey. That's why learning to release is so critical. It really frees you up. It's almost impossible to find love when we remain fear-based. We need to remember there is always more love.
Example: one widow I worked with was scared to love again because she knew how painful it is to lose someone. And yet she was lonely and wanted romance in her life. We had to grieve and do some releasing. Then, we turned her focus to enjoying the present moment, flirting, playing and just having fun. She realized that yes, loss may happen again, but she could release and still enjoy life. She is now seriously dating a widower, and they travel together frequently.
You're scared to open your heart for fear it will be crushed. You don't like the powerless feeling of caring about someone else and being unsure if that affection is returned.
THE TRUTH: You can't find love while being closed. Vulnerability is in the eye of the beholder. It is a magnetic state to be in because it is open and available. Some of the things you may have deemed vulnerable are, in fact, quite powerful, moreso than trying to guard your heart with all sorts of defenses against being hurt. This fear is a major delay to love.
Example: a man I worked with felt that being open and friendly was being too vulnerable. He didn't understand that being closed made him more vulnerable to disappointment anyway. We had to work on seeing that him reaching out to women was not in any way vulnerable, but instead, the only path to the love he wanted. With baby steps, he changed his beliefs about reaching out to women he found appealing. He learned to connect without fear and is now a newlywed.
That you're left out of love
I've had people sob when they confess to me this deep dark fear that everyone gets love except for them. They secretly suspect that somehow they're penalized in life and do not get this that they want so very much in their lives.
THE TRUTH: Around 95% of the folks I work with have this fear. And it is needless. God would never put this desire in your heart for love if you did not get it. Your longing for love is what will propel you into the arms of your soulmate.
Example: One 52 year old I worked who had never been married broke down crying when she confessed to me she was sure she would never have love. It had gotten to the point that she couldn't be happy for friends who found love nor could she attend weddings. We had to have the faith that love was on its way for her. She learned to embrace the love she saw around her and shopped for what she wanted in her own relationship and wedding. It changed the way she looked at weddings so that she would think of the flowers she wanted in her own nuptials, how she wanted her own vows. She could be happy for her friends, knowing she would be next. And she was! Shortly after her healing on this subject, she met a man who swept her off her feet. They had a whirlwind romance and were married within the year. She finally got her happily ever after!
So, that's the last of our Top 10 Love Fears. Anything that delays love is fear-based. By tackling these fears, and replacing them with the opposite of fear -- faith -- love can't help but come.
I'm sending you love & support!
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