Q: Kathryn, I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year. We’re committed and heading toward marriage

But my chemistry with him is starting to fade. We had a few arguments, and I found myself not telling him about some things

Now, I question continuing with him, even though our connection was so strong to begin with and we fit together so well

On the other hand, my sister has not even had chemistry with anyone in years. I know she’s picky, but it’s ridiculous

Could my whole family have a chemistry issue? What gives?

I am really stuck on whether I should break up or if there is a way to revive this relationship I’m in

A: These are great questions about chemistry, and I’m so glad you wrote me

This brings up what chemistry is, what fosters it and what kills it. There are two major chemistry killers – whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or are just starting out. Or even – like your sister – cannot seem to find an attraction

What are the 2 chemistry killers?

1. Having walls up. This relates more to your sister. I’ve worked with many people who cannot find an attraction anywhere. Usually, they’ve been hurt in the past or scared of commitment

They have a hard time being attracted to anyone, their walls are so strong

Or tend to attract only those who are “safe” – the ones they’re not into so their heart remains unscathed. Some are so closed, they attract no one at all

2. Bad communication. This applies more in your case where you had a good relationship and now, it’s going

If you hold things back from your boyfriend, you start building up resentment. It is hard for chemistry to survive in this atmosphere

I have helped to save many a marriage simply by having a couple start being honest and disclosing things

In a healthy (soulmate) relationship, you can tell your partner anything and everything. There’s room for that, and it keeps the chemistry on fire

So how do you restore chemistry? Your situation is easier

 Have a talk with your love and confess the things you’ve held back. Be honest. Research shows that disclosure brings you closer

 I have a technique I use for those just meeting to accelerate bonding and heart-to-heart talks work wonders

 For your sister, finding chemistry takes more work. This is very common in those I work with privately or in coaching groups

 We have to help her adopt a new attitude about love that can help her to open up – let go of bad beliefs and get clear on the idea of risk and rejection

 And as we open her up and raise her point of attraction, love will rush in quickly

 This has been true in so many of those I’ve worked with who had a dry spell or haven’t met anyone interesting in years. They finally found love!

One woman I worked with had not dated in 10 years. She was pretty despairing about ever finding love and said there just were no hot men left (lol!)

We changed that quickly using the protocol based on the above. She realized she was happy alone and that she really couldn’t be hurt

We also started noticing all of the great men out there and worked on her bonding techniques

She found herself opening up – finally!

She met a hot guy she was crazy over within 26 days of us trying this new approach. For the rest of our 3 month coaching time, we solidified the relationship

There were quite a few times when she almost drew back and blew it, but she learned a new emotional pattern that opened up a whole new world of healthy relating for her

The two are now married

I bless you for finding the chemistry you deserve (and your sister, too). I’ll bet this works. Keep me posted!

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

Q: Kathryn, I feel so stuck in my life. I had a rough childhood and am so happy that at last I’m on my own now

But I hate my job and am barely making ends meet. 

And on top of that, I can’t seem to keep anyone I’m interested in

The ones I don’t want will come around but when I finally meet someone interesting (let’s call the last one "Phil"), he’ll drift away after a few months together

Phil broke up with me last weekend and said he just wasn’t feeling it. After telling me at first that he could see a future with me and couldn’t stop thinking of me!!!

I’m so frustrated. How is my life nothing like I want it? I’m too old to keep doing this and pretty despairing at this point

Please help me. I’m extremely sick of my life right now

A: I’m so sorry you are suffering, and I totally get it
I’m glad you reached out, though, because I can help

Congrats on making it to adulthood and out of your bad childhood!

Unfortunately, it’s far too easy to get in a rut and not be able to pull yourself any further . . . just what you are experiencing now

So it really IS time to do something new to get different results, right?

It’s something I help so many do, even when they’d just about given up

So WHAT is the secret to surpassing yourself or even your family pattern? To getting unstuck & going beyond where you’ve ever been?

There are 2 ways that I use to help folks break through, and it’s why my success rate is so high . . . even for HOLDOUTS, those who don’t manifest easily

1. Think back to when you’ve had a breakthrough before – even like when you finally got to adulthood and could break free from your upbringing. 

Remember that exhilarating energy when you’ve leapt forward?

As you recapture that feeling, you can use it to propel yourself to where you want to go . . . even if it’s a totally different area of your life

2. Get pulled there by someone who is there

This second way is what my work does well, and it’s why so many people come to one of my events and almost immediately break through to the love they’ve wanted for so long

I pull people with my writings and groups to a new and amazing level. I just celebrated my 15th  year of being married to my soulmate and have a huge track record with thousands of weddings

The books and work I provide a jolt of hope and openings, so that love walks right into the door . . . and you never look back

And other things show up, too, like the right profession, money and more

I can show you how to date in a way you’ve never done before so there will be no more Phils – breaking your heart but instead the right one will stick around

Chin up! You have every hope for not only the love you want, but also a job you love and a much easier way to both make money and be fulfilled!

I bless you for all three

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

Q: Kathryn, last night, I met this guy who I am really attracted to. He is handsome, smart and fun. We spoke a while but then he moved on. I said good-bye when we left, but he didn’t ask for my number, and I am disappointed

This happens over and over again to me. I just can’t get anyone who I want interested in me. Is there any way to change that?

A: Yes! You can get someone interested in you by changing what you’re doing

I just had a glorious engagement happen for a client who had this same issue. She did the following steps which resulted in the hottest guy she has ever seen getting on his knee a few days ago and asking for her hand in marriage

1. Be centered when interacting. People can sniff out nervousness or desperation in a heartbeat, and it will send them packing

2. Don’t try to be a wit. Instead get him talking about himself. Ask deep questions, listen intently and use this connection you foster to create an emotional bond. When you do this well, he won’t be able to stop thinking about you

3. Leave him wanting more. There is a way to do this that is not manipulative but instead honoring of your new connection.  Research shows there are certain words you can say right at the beginning that will set you up perfectly to ensure he can not get you out of his head. Then, there is no way he would leave without getting your number

My newly engaged client had been in the friend zone with a guy she had a crush on. She watched him date a few other women and pass her by for weeks until we worked on the above 3 steps in the way I’ve perfected while working with thousands of people

Then out of the blue, her crush confessed feelings for her. She had worked on the bonding I taught her, and suddenly he only had eyes for her. It surprised them both (but not me). The rest is history!

I bless you for turning on that magnet and never getting passed over again. It’s easier than you think

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

Q: Kathryn, I met this guy last week using your attraction technique but I feel like I’m already blowing it

We were wildly attracted when we met at a party. I did what you teach, and it worked! He got my number immediately and texted for a date, which we went on last night

We had a great time except for one little blip. We have mutual friends, and he mentioned my recent breakup, which he knew about from the grapevine
I had to admit I got defensive. It wasn’t a great breakup, and I defended myself a bit. It wasn’t one of my better moments, and I don’t even know if he was criticizing me to begin with

I really overreacted

We got back to normal, had a good time the rest of the night including some kissing, but he didn’t mention seeing each other again, and I’m scared I messed things up

Was this a dealbreaker? Is there any way to retrieve this situation?

A: Okay, so I have to admit you broke one of the cardinal rules of dating by reacting badly and getting unpleasant, even just for a moment

You got defensive, even though he may not have really been accusing you of anything

And that no doubt pushed him away

When you’re interested in someone, there’s a way to conduct yourself on a date, especially early in
You did pretty well but next time, avoid any controversy between the two of you

That’s a warning sign

So here are some things to never do with someone you are interested in:

1. Don’t drag in your past

You did this when you reacted badly about your ex. Yes, you can talk about past experiences, but don’t exhibit any strong emotions especially directed to your current date

You lashed out to him by getting defensive, which is not great

2. Keep things light and harmonious

You want to feel you’re on each other’s side. And sharing things. In that moment, you didn’t do that
You assumed he was accusing you of something or criticizing you, and you reacted to that

Next time, be less reactive and if you do react, make it be on the side of sharing something rather than your pushing him away

It’s all about how the two of you are connecting and relating no matter what you’re discussing

3Your reaction pointed to something deeper that you need to work on

Until you handle it, it can prove hard to attract someone and keep them

I bless you for the love you so deserve. 

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

Q: Kathryn, I know you’ve had a lot of success with your holdouts, those people who haven’t found love easily

But I want to play devil’s advocate here (and yes, I am frustrated)

Who are these people who are not holdouts? Who are those who find love so easily and what do they have that I don’t have? Please tell me. I'd like to become one of them

A: I don’t think I’ve ever had a question worded that way but it’s a good one

So let me tell you who manifests first

I’ve had a lot of experience with this through the years of courses and programs I’ve run

There are always the ones who manifest the most quickly, and I’ve noticed what they did that made it go more quickly for them

They fall into 3 categories:

Category 1 - The innocent. These are the ones willing to put cynicism aside and get hopeful

It’s akin to beginner’s luck. Some are young. Some are inexperienced. And all are ready to try this and truly believe it can work

Category 2 - Those who come to me for help and really will throw in with me

One of the best ways to go beyond what you’ve ever experienced is to have someone pull you up who is ahead of you

As you may know, I was a late bloomer – a single mom for 10 years – who found my soulmate while not a spring chicken and had a few more children with him. We just celebrated our 15thanniversary

So I’m a great one to pull people into soulmate love. Especially with our track record, the wall of weddings and thousands of love stories coming from this work

It really works to coach with someone who can ease you past your blocks and trust them to show you the way

Category 3 - Those who dive in with both feet

Right now, I’m in the midst of leading a Dating Mastermind. It started about six weeks ago

And guess what? We already have quite a few people in love and dating very seriously

Do you know who those people are? They’re the ones who prioritized our work together, listen to the materials repeatedly and really are trying the steps I outline

And it’s paying off for them in a major, wonderful way!

If you can get yourself into one of these categories, then you will find love with no further delay. These categories of people are always first to join my wall of weddings

I bless you for just that!

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

 Q: Kathryn, the subject of kissing is coming up for me. In high school, I had a date ask if I had ever kissed before. It was humiliating, and it even got around school that I was a bad kisser. I’m not sure if I ever got over that either because I feel so insecure about kissing even now!

So I’m in your mastermind, and I’ve just started seeing the hottest guy I’ve ever dated. We had coffee for the first date, but he has already asked me out for this weekend

I’m so excited but still, I’m a nervous wreck about the kissing part. Do you have any tips about kissing? When we should have our first kiss (and I’m dying to kiss him – I am so attracted) and what is the best way to kiss?

A: I’m glad you asked this question because kissing is super important!

Studies show that not only do couples that kiss regularly have better marriages but they live longer and are more healthy

Kissing is the first step toward bonding with someone you’re interested in. After you’ve kissed there is something extra in your connection, you’ve added some oomph plus the promise of more to come . . .
However, if kissing goes wrong, it can be a deal breaker. Over half of people who broke it off early on did so over a kiss gone awry

Kissing is a great chemistry builder. I have another woman in our group who had a guy friend kiss her out of the blue, and now they are hot and heavy
She was practicing some of the connecting skills you guys are learning in the group and it worked!

When do you kiss?

If you’re practicing your flirting and connecting well, then you know the other person is attracted

You’ve been sharing some light touches, seeing the reaction and can gage where you are with each other
And you’ve been creating some chemistry, following what I’ve been teaching you

1. Kisses can happen at any time, but usually when you’re connecting deeply or saying good-bye

2. You want to be ready for it. Breath mints, clean teeth and even drinking water assure you’re appealing (bad breath or tasting bad are a real deal breakers). Keep some mints on hand or drink a bunch of water which improves your breath, too. You can even keep a small toothbrush and toothpaste in your purse or backpack and excuse yourself to brush your teeth during the date – especially after food
Lay off the garlic or onions for early dates, as well ;)

3. Everyone kisses differently, so the first touch of lips (if yours tend toward dry, start moisturizing them now) should be a “hello” – a light touch that you hold a moment and then pull away

4. Studies show guys in general like more tongue and women don’t want it to be too rough or a tongue almost choking them. So you need to be sensitive to it and go slow. A little tongue pretty early but with a gentle touch

5. Imagine your energies merging as you kiss and it’s fine to allow yourself to get hot and bothered. As you connect, you want to be really in tune with your partner – what they like, how it’s going, so you meet them energy wise and motion wise. If they’re a little more ardent, meet them there. And if their tongue is gently exploring, explore back

I have to admit I’m laughing at going down this road – it could get kind of romance –novely

But I know it’s important due to some of the crazy stories I get in my work that have to do with kissing

This is a good start. Because we’re working together, then I’m holding your hand through all of the stages, and we’ll parlay this into what you want

I’m proud you’re manifesting so well, so let’s keep going!

Much love & support to you as you savor this blossoming romance. I’ve got your back!

To hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here

Have you ever had a walk of shame or a bad morning after experience with a date?

Read on to find out how to never have that happen again

Q: Oh, God. I am a life coach so you would think I would know better but right now, I feel humiliated

I’ve been flirting with this guy I know through mutual friends for a few months. I have to admit I developed a crush on him

He is so sexy to me, and I was hoping it might go somewhere

Last night, I ended up going home with him after a get-together. I had a few drinks in me, and he lived close to the party. We were getting pretty handsy, making out at the event, one thing led to another and it ended in his bed

At the time, it felt like a dream. We were getting close, he was saying very romantic things like “I’ve always wanted to kiss you”. It was hot and heavy!

I had a great time and I think he did, too. I fell asleep in his bed, and when I woke up, it was different. Basically, it felt like he wanted me out of there

He was kind of cold, not lovey dovey like last night. He didn’t offer me coffee or breakfast. He didn’t even offer to walk me to my car a few blocks away where the party was

He said he was late for work and needed to go. It was pretty abrupt and threw cold water on any hopes I had for a relationship

So I had my walk of shame back to my car, slinking back to get it with messy hair, clothes from the night before and praying no friends were around to see me

I am so depressed right now. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? I am humiliated and I guess it’s clear he doesn’t want any more than he got last night

A: Well, I think we can safely cross this guy off of your list

He’s not worthy of you to treat you that way in the end

And I wouldn’t even bother being humiliated. If anyone should be, it’s him for taking you home with him and then being a very poor host

But let’s learn from this so you can attract a better experience into your life

1. We need more of a green light than a casual flirtation to spend the night with someone. Going home after a party with drinks involved is too easy and as you can feel right now, not honoring enough of you

2. There are times when people will say anything and act any way to get you in bed. Some are very practiced at this to get what they want. He may have been one of those people

3. That is why it’s better to wait longer and be sure of someone’s intentions. If it’s your soulmate, he’ll be willing to wait on you until you feel ready to get close

4. It feels like your crush on him made you abandon judgment and go for it with him even though there were signs it wasn’t serious on his end. Crushes can make us see through rose colored glasses

5. It’s good to make sure you’re not doing all the heavy lifting in a relationship. It was very easy for him to get close to you and take you home. He didn’t have to plan a date, didn’t have to even ask you out. In the future, make sure it’s really mutual

6. Here’s some soothing news now. Most of us have done a walk of shame before, getting into something where we gave way too much and felt hurt and humiliated. It does not mean you are doomed to never find love
We just have to learn from this and do better next time

 Hold yourself to a higher standard. And even if you have a crush, I’d go slowly to make sure it’s based on something solid

 Your soulmate will be even more hot to you PLUS he’ll be wild about you and make no bones about it

 There is nothing more satisfying than finding that one with whom your first night together is off the chain. He doesn’t want you to leave in the morning, makes you coffee and breakfast and is already asking when he can see you again

 He cuddles you in the morning, rubs your back and revels in you still being there

 This happened to a woman I worked with who just got married this past weekend. She was giving up, felt the odds were very low for her as an AA woman and had some very insulting experiences with guys who seemed to be “players”

 Well that ended once we worked on some limiting beliefs she had (about her prospects). She set her standards higher and worked on her point of attraction

 Within just a couple of months, she met the most handsome guy you could ever imagine who is gentle, nurturing and head over heels in love with her. Nothing like anyone she had danced around with before

 Since these two got together, it has been sheer magic with one thing after another manifesting for them

 Culminating in a beautiful wedding this past weekend where she could not have been more radiant on this amazing man’s arm

 A very different story than what happened for you last night. You can hope for this same ending if we can change some things for you

 It’ll just be a distant bump on the road on your way to unimaginable bliss

I bless you for the love you SO deserve. It’s closer than you think!