So many lament to me that they either seem to meet someone solid to date or someone exciting, elusive and erratic. It can seem like a standoff between a safety blanket versus wild chemistry. I have a strong opinion on this.

I simply do not believe in tradeoffs. In love, it does not have to be one or the other. Love knows no limited. You CAN have it all. If you find yourself dating either someone dull to you or someone exciting but unavailable, it is most likely that you’re simply not with your soulmate yet. Your soulmate will be someone with whom you have a solid relationship that remains exciting.

Here’s how to discern your best course to soulmate love:

1. If the exciting person you long for is not exhibiting similar enthusiasm for you, let go. Have faith that someone who is both fascinating and crazy over you is in your future. It’s much easier than banging your head against the wall of unavailability.

2. If you’re dating someone who seems solid, secure but a bit boring, don’t give up on it quite yet. Try doing some exciting things together, go deeper in conversation and then gage if the relationship feels dynamic. If it is, the jury should remain out. Sometimes as people open up, the excitement factor heightens.

3. Remember that you never have to settle – for either someone who is boring OR unavailable. Your soulmate will offer you a safe, secure relationship that is also exciting. Be willing to hold out for THAT person. (S)he will be worth the wait.

love,
Kathryn

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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Julian and Me - Antigua Sailing Week

Hi from Kathryn

Hi from Antigua where we are having a ball during the Classic Yacht and Sailing Week regattas! The beaches here are outrageously beautiful and those we've met live fascinating lives.

I took French in school and always loved the term laissez-faire, which means an attitude of letting things take their course. It’s not a bad principle to use in dating – to a point. The goal is to not date long but date well without stressing yourself out. Here are some do’s and don’ts for The Laissez-Faire Dating Strategy.

1. DO kick back and enjoy the ride. Rather than get anxious to immediately find the right person, it’s much more enjoyable to vow that you’ll have fun getting to know people with the faith that your One will show up.

2. DON’T force things. Don’t push. Don’t get desperate. Don’t over reach out. It’s critical not to try to make someone fit when they’re just not IT. And trying to force something that is not going never works. Worse, if you get desperate because your date’s response is underwhelming, you will literally push them away. Desperation repels.

3. DO let a relationship grow naturally. You cannot skip or even expedite the natural process of dating. And getting overanxious doesn’t help. As long as the relationship remains dynamic with both parties interested, you can trust that it will take care of itself. You don’t have to MAKE anything happen.

4. DO let things flow. If you turn in the direction where things are flowing, it’s the fastest path to your soulmate. Even if you have to pull back or wait a bit, your One is worth the wait. When their soulmate arrives, many are taken aback at how EASY things go.

5. DO limit how laissez-faire you get. Don’t just drift along for months or years, knowing it won’t work out or trying to make it fit when it’s not working. Abandon laissez-faire in favor of a DECISION so that you move on into something that’s right once you see it’s wrong. This is where you reach the limit of being laidback. And if you just take what comes your way for fear of being rejected, you probably have a pattern of settling, and this is where you’ll need to learn to be pro-active.

I bless you for easy dating!

love,
Kathryn

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3/31/11

Pirates of the Caribbean, St. Lucia Style

Hi from St. Lucia! We've had a lovely month here and are just about to hop to our NEXT island, Antigua. I have to say that spending the winter in the Caribbean has been amazing.