Q: Kathryn, I'm a pretty big introvert, and right now, I'm miserable. I need my home time and find it hard to go out. And yet, I get super lonely at home because I haven't yet found love. I need to get out for some companionship and yet this is hard on me. And I do feel pressure to get out to meet someone. What do I do? How am I going to get through the holidays?

A: I had this same problem when I was single, and I have a name for it: "The Introvert's Dilemma"

It's hard because we introverts need our alone and home time and yet, it can get lonely there until we find love. Here are some suggestions:

1) Find a balance of staying home and occasionally getting out. Plan on some things to do, even getting proactive, so you aren't miserable during the holidays. Ask friends and family what they are doing and while pacing yourself, do make some plans. You can even invite people over to your house for a gathering.

2) Remember that you may very well attract love while staying at home if you are doing my work. It's my specialty. But you will still need to connect with someone you don't yet know so you'll need to be okay with going out with this person once you attract them

3) For introverts, one thing that works is developing a comfortable few places to go where you know folks -- a circle of friends, a spiritual center, a restaurant or a regular class. It feels more like home and in this way, you're expanding your ability to get out at least a little bit without undue stress.

4) Keep your end game in mind. When you meet your soulmate and seal the deal, you're living together and your delicious companionship is right there at home. This person gets your need for alone time and yet is there for you, and provides a great connection at home. Your love can often do the more extroverted chores like shopping and shlepping so this is really something to look forward to!

One Suggestion: I am teaching on a 7 day cruise in February 2015. This is very rare for me. If you come, the setup is that you will have built-in connections, including me and my family. I am including for anyone signing up through me some prep work to make connecting easier and an on-board scavenger hunt that will automatically cause you to meet others in a pressure-free, instructive way that will enhance your social skills. (You will not believe how many people have met and married from meeting at my events or made life long friends!)

We will have 7 days together, and my intention is for it to be a great time of making new friends, learning so much about heart connecting and possibly finding love, too. There will rarely be this kind of a chance to get out in a gentle, supportive environment, so I hope you join me and my fellow teachers. Find out more while you can still get in (it's filling up) at this link:

http://www.divinetravels.com/ValentinesCruise2015.html

I'm blessing you for finding your way through the Introvert's Dilemma as so many of us have done. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you are absolutely supported in being the introvert that you are. There are many, many pluses to being an introvert, and you do get a love that fits in with your life perfectly!

One of the KEYS to why people swear by my releasing technique is the ritual I teach as part of it.

This Part #4 in my releasing video series will give you the basics of how it's done. Enjoy!!

I'm just about to give up on love . . .

Q: Kathryn, I love your work. I've read your book Love Will Find You and done all the exercises (twice) and regularly do the audio recordings as well.
I'm 36 and I've been single for three years now although it feels like longer because my relationship history is limited and the relationships I have had have been very dysfunctional due to my childhood issues and dysfunctional patternings. Having spent most of my adult life working through these issues and recently coming across your work, I feel like be done and am doing everything to be open and available to my soul mate. I've reached a point where I feel like I'm losing hope. Do you have any advice for someone for when they have reached a point of hopelessness with this work?

A: Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. Some religions espouse getting rid of all worldly desires. And honestly, this can be for the purpose of ceasing to be so frustrated. You do feel better if you've been super frustrated. 

But is it necessary to take it that far? 

To quit wanting what we want?

No, it's not. There's a better way. The truth is that you feel so bad about love because:

a) you're checking the souffle while it's still cooking so naturally, it falls. Don't do that! Give yourself some time to manifest, and quit looking every second to notice you haven't yet met anyone.

b) patterns of negativity and pain still take over, so yes, there is more healing to be done, though it doesn't have to take long

c) when you think of love, it's from the vantage point of a have-not, which is painful. When you think of something, and it seems in range, your thoughts are full of hope. But when it seems impossible, it's not fun to ponder upon it.

So what's the solution?

a) give yourself time to heal and manifest. Don't be so impatient when you are obviously still in process

b) keep chipping away at your default emotional and mental state, which seem to be still full of fear and worry. The opposite is FAITH, and that's our goal. To get you to a state of wellbeing and peace

c) I'd love you to start imaging love is within your grasp, and you're on your way right now. This will make the thought of love less painful, and you won't feel so much like giving up. Also, it is true!

Finally, my books and CD's touch the surface and for many, they are enough. But if you've had trauma or a lifetime of hurt, you may need to do deeper work -- with a full-on course or program I offer or even my coaching program.

I'm blessing you, and I hope you'll hang in there! Much love & support to you! ♥

Crackling chemistry is a sign it's your soulmate -- though chemistry alone is not enough. 

There are ways to know if there's chemistry pretty quickly -- I detail this in the video (the last of my summer teaching tour videos -- shot on a boat near a glacier in Alaska)

If you are in doubt about the attraction between you and someone you're seeing, this will help you out.

Make SURE you include chemistry prominently on the list of things you're looking for in your mate. The other one I always ask people to add is "available" -- a whole other subject.

Enjoy, and let's connect again soon!

love,
Kathryn

One of the biggest questions I get from singles is how to connect with someone super attractive to them.

No matter how outgoing you are, you can get tongue-tied when faced with a hottie. Fear of rejection or sheer intimidation can kick in.

If you do not learn to connect with those you are attracted to you, you rule out those most likely to be your soulmate. So, we HAVE to tackle this issue!

Here's my easy two step formula to learning to connect with those you are attracted to:

1. Boost yourself up. Remind yourself you are not chopped liver. Put yourself up on that pedestal with this hottie, and remember that they are lucky to connect with you. You are a good conversationalist, and have something they want.

2. Be sensitive to this person. Rather than trying to come across as a big wit, put on your listening cap and think about who this person is and what (s)he might need. Ask him or her a question. Bring them out, and you don't have to worry about what to say.

You don't want to approach them with any big agenda. Instead, the sole intention is to connect. The rest can come later.

I have had a phenomenal success rate with the shy and the introverted by using this method, which plays to their strengths.

You will get better with practice, so my challenge to you is to try this method on 3 people you are attracted to this week.

Hi, there! I did a lot of videos whilst on my Teaching Tour this summer to answer some of the questions you all have been sending me. Here's a video on a question I often get:

"Do I have to get 'out there' to find love?"

My answer may surprise you because I'm the ONLY dating coach I've ever encountered who says this.

And yet it proves true over & over in the love stories we get from my work!

Check the video out now and subscribe to me on Youtube for more videos. Enjoy.

p.s. Hit up the comments section to put your question in for me. I may answer it next :)

Q: Kathryn, I need some serious help. There's a guy I've been craving that I see at my gym, but he intimidates me. I can barely look at him, much less smile or try to actually make contact. He just seems out of my wheelhouse. Why would a guy like that -- who probably has women chasing him -- pay any attention to me?

I'm kind of fixated on him. Do you have any advice for getting beyond him being out of my league?

A: First off, he is NOT out of your league. Leagues are a false construct that absolutely do not hold up in love. Statistics back me up on that one, too.

Here's what I suggest -- a technique that uses behavioral therapy -- one of the most effective methods of overcoming fear available.

1) The Attitude Adjustment. Start seeing yourself differently -- as someone that a guy (your soulmate) like him will eat up with a spoon. Your One will be the most attractive person you ever meet, so he's one of the more likely ones to be your soulmate. Elevate yourself to his level as best you can.

2) Remember how dating works. The first encounter is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It's repeated interaction and deeper bonding that most relationships are built upon -- even in their initial attraction phase. (My book Dating for the One really dives into this and how to create that bond.)

3) Now, you need to act "as if" with this hunk. Even it you can't completely believe it, act "as if" this guy were in your wheelhouse. How would you treat him? What would you do? Act as if you have faith that you get love & that it will be a hottie like him.

(I had a recent client try this, and she had the guy who had intimidated her chasing her down for a date.)

Prepare for your next encounter using this process. It works wonders. I'd love most of all for you to know just how lucky he is to talk to you. You discount yourself when you feel in a different wheelhouse, and it's just not true.

Love & support for changing wheelhouses, 
Kathryn

Q: I am in what you call "a dating desert" and it doesn't seem to end.

I don't have any eligible men coming into my life whom I can date. I can't even find someone interested to practice on all the knowledge I have learnt about relationships in the past 2 years. Even online, I created a profile and decided to give it a shot, came across two profiles for men who seemed interesting. They contacted me and we started to chat but in both times it fizzled away very quickly and they stopped contacting.

If the outer reality is only reflection of what is inside us. What belief could be inside me that prevent me from finding interesting men in my outer environment?

I tried to release beliefs that there is no one for me in this town and good men are hard to find but still haven't seen any results.

To be honest I don't believe my soulmate is living in my home town but still I can't move out right now and need to practice. HELP.

A: First off, let's not make a conclusion when you feel so down. You're not seeing anything clearly when you're discouraged Of COURSE, you have a soulmate, who could be closer than you know.

A dating desert is just a temporary appearance. Because it's so organic, love could show up any minute. And people doing my work have had it show up in under 10 minutes. So you never know . . .

Good for you to look at your beliefs to see how they are affecting what is or isn't showing up in your life. Your inner belief that is limiting you could be something like:

"There are no interesting, eligible men in this town."

"I'm so picky that I'll never find anyone."

"Online dating is a barometer that I'm not meant for love."

Remember none of these are true. Best course of action is:

1) Work on these beliefs. Look for evidence to the contrary. Happy, married couples in your town reminding you that if someone found love there, so can you. And the fact that people come and go in your town all the time. Or you could meet someone one town over.

Remember all of my love stories of love being found in the most unlikely places by seemingly unlikely people. Why would you be left out of this? You wouldn't!

2) Do not do anything that gets you down. I wouldn't pursue online dating since it is discouraging you. One of the biggest mistakes people make is using a temporary dating desert, bad results in online dating or anything on the outer as an indication that you don't get love. Nothing could be further from the truth.

3) You may need to distract yourself for a bit since love is such a hard subject for you. I suggest putting thoughts of love on hold for now, and just do anything that will make you happy. Concentrate on enjoying friendships, enjoying activities that give you pleasure and just getting happy now. It will put you in a better energy for love to come in even when you are not thinking about it.

I'm sending you SO much love and support to realize that you are precious, lovely and extremely lovable. Love WILL happen for you. I'm holding that with you!!

Love and support, 
Kathryn

Q: Dear Kathryn, I keep attracting scary guys – ones who make my skin crawl. And when I try to make contact with attractive guys, they ignore me. I am so tired of having to suck up my feelings and have a stuff upper lip like a marine. Even some of my male friends call me GI Jane and say I am one of the strongest women they know emotionally. What advice would you give for people who have reached the end of their rope like me?  Thanks.

A: I’m sorry you’re having this experience. The fact that you feel like a soldier at war is not good. It means you’re approaching life as though it were a battle zone, which I know if feels like for you right now.

The truth is that life can be very easy – like an endless vacation. But we need to change some things.

What you’re drawing into your experience indicates that your point of attraction is off. It can be for a number of reasons, but central to it seems to be a lack of healthy self-image.

Being approached with unwanted attention usually means you lack proper boundaries.

And when those you want to connect with are ignoring you, it often shows that you are carrying a “script” that says “I’m not worth noticing.”

These can be altered. We need to lay in some better boundaries for you. Then the “creeps” will steer clear of you. And as you change your script to one that says: “I’m worthy and a catch, hotties will line up to pay you some attention.”

I bless you for stepping into the different life you SO deserve!

Love & support, Kathryn

Q: Kathryn, my mom is getting dementia, and I’m faced with moving her into a facility – which is going to be a process. I’ve also got a gigantic project at work that is stressing me out. I fear that my love life is being hijacked. I was just feeling ready for love, and now all of this! Should I just give up for now, or is there still hope for me and love?

 A: In my books, I recount stories of people who have found love at the most unlikely times.
 

• A woman bald as a cueball undergoing chemotherapy for cancer who fell in love with one of the clinic workers.
• A man whose mother had died who met his future wife at the funeral.
• A writer on book deadline – completely stressed – who met her fiancé in a café she hung out in to get some chapters done.

Your future is SO bright you need shades! That has not changed. This blip on the radar is NOTHING in comparison to how good it will get for you. If you don’t have your soulmate, then the best is yet to come.If you can maintain a hopeful attitude, even as you tend to what’s in front of you to deal with, then love can still come at any time.

 Love is so magical that it is always limitless in when and how it shows up.

 Remember that, and I bless you for getting your mom settled well, your project successfully completed & still finding many moments of job . . . and yes, even love . . . along the way.

I'm sending you love & support for hanging in there until love shows up.

Love & support, Kathryn

Q: Hi Kathryn,

I think you may be the only person who can give me solid, unbiased advice on my current love life. I need help!

I've been dating a man for the past few months and we really hit it off. Spending time together and getting to know one another was a blast and it was so easy. We really click. But once he started getting really emotionally attached to me, and I to him, he put on the brakes. The completion is that I am 25 years younger than him. The age difference doesn't bother me but he has leftover hurt from a younger woman he started a few years ago. He believes that after we fall in love, in 5 or 10 years, I will realize that I'm with an old guy and won't want to be with him because of it. Which would break his heart and make life unbearable for him. I told him there are no guarantees but I could see us being happy together for a long time because I really like the person he is. If not for this issue, I think we could be happy together. Would my soul mate be so afraid of me breaking his heart that he would hold me at arm's length? Should I try to hold onto him when he's so afraid of what our future may hold?

Awaiting your advice,

A: The answer is “No!” Your soulmate would not be so afraid that he could not move forward. My rule is to give it one more really good try to get through to him, and if he is still paralyzed by fear, then move on, as hard as that might be. Remember you can always let go, and if he’s not the one then, someone else is, so you’ll be going toward your One.

How to broach the subject? Ask him for some time, get together, chitchat and enjoy each other so you’re in  a good mood before you bring up the subject. Then, look him in the eye,  touch him and tell him this: “Age only matters with cheese and wine. Love doesn't recognize age. It doesn't matter to me, and couples with greater age differences than us have worked it out. We can’t live our lives out of fear for the future. I’m not your ex. I want to be with you, and you know we have something good. Can you give us a chance?”

Really listen to his answer. If he still cannot get over this, I would not keep trying. It should not be this hard. You’ll have to move on, but rest assured if he still can’t move forward, there will be even better in your future. Love & support!

Q: Kathryn, I have been in love with a man for several years. We work together in my office. We flirt, but nothing more has come of it, and I am too shy to say anything. I just found out he got engaged, and I am devastated.

 No matter how hard I try to release, my love for him continues. I feel like he will realize he loves me and break off the engagement. And even if he gets married, I think I may always love him. But I am miserable. What can I do? Thanks for any advice.

A: If ever there was a wake-up call to let go, this is it! What I have to say may surprise you. I find that those who get hung up on someone unavailable are actually unavailable themselves. In some way, your feelings for this man keep you “safe” – out of reach for real love.

Perhaps something in your past has made you equate love with hurt so it’s easier to have a fantasy love rather than the real deal.

But the real deal is SO much more fulfilling, and you will have none of the pain you are feeling.

What I suggest you do is to Clear Your Field. This is a radical move, but it has worked super well for people who pined away for someone for up to a decade. Here’s how to Clear Your Field.

1. Find out the truth – if this person is interested, even if you feel you are sticking your foot in your mouth.  It is better to KNOW than be in some fantasy land. It is better to get beyond it, bring it to earth and move on. So, ask about it, bring up the subject. I know this can be humiliating and risky, but your future in love is at stake. This is serious!!! 

2. If the answer is NO, or if this person tries to lead you on   

(often those we get attached to have a vested interest in having someone on the side to feed their ego), then you need to get real here. This step can help you to realize it will never work out and that it is beneath you to continue these feelings.

3. Sit down and assess what you’ve learned. Ask yourself if you are willing to put your precious life on hold for someone who is just not returning the feelings. I’ve had great success with folks who can finally see the truth and get over it. It’s like ripping a bandaid off. Getting it over with shakes you out of the attachment that has held you hostage. You will be amazed at how quickly this reality check sets you free, and it is worth saying something just to get beyond it.

4. Do a release and then turn your attention to the love that awaits you beyond this. A real love that loves you back!

Here’s the Truth: If they were your One, it would be working out. And, they may be an eel. The reality with your One will be SO much better!

Hi, there! 

Here’s another question one of you sent in that I’m answering today for my new regular Q & A.

This person went through a very rough time, and I want to help her and help you, too.

Q: The other day, I had a total   disaster happen. 

First, I saw my ex with his new girlfriend,

and blurted out something super inappropriate

(yes, I’m bitter).

I was humiliated and upset. 

Then, I had a blind date from the internet which was just awful.

He was really attractive, but I was in such a 

funk from seeing the ex that I was in a foul mood, stuck my foot in my mouth and felt a fool.

Of course, that date didn’t last long  

(I don’t blame him for not being interested), and then, I had a minor fender bender on the way home. 

I have not had panic attacks in years, 

but I had one. 

It took me hours to be okay, I pretty much didn’t sleep the night, and the following days have been pretty terrible.

It’s like there’s a black cloud hanging over me.

Is there any hope for me in love?

A: Of course there is! 

We all have had bad times in love, and as horrible as this has been for you, it’s not even the worst I’ve heard. 

But you still have every hope.

You and your love will one day laugh over this.

So, how do you move beyond the black cloud? There are only three things you can do to remove yourself out of the funk.

What happened in this case is that you got such a negative momentum going that it was hard to stop it in the middle of the downward movement. 

The good news is that momentum will peter out if you don’t feed it. So, when it gets THAT bad, here are the 3 things that can work.

I would do one of these as soon as you see the downward momentum starting to happen so it doesn’t compound the way it did in this case (bless your heart!)

1) Take a nap.

You may have heard my “go lie down” philosophy. 

If the going gets rough, check out for a while. You’ll wake up feeling better, fresh and can work on a more positive momentum.

2) Meditate. 

Studies confirm 

that meditation is so powerful that it can circumvent automatic reflexes, ease up on our fight-or-flight instinct and completely change our state. It’s why meditations are always included in my work. 

Meditation is a great way to change your state, especially if it’s chronic.

3) Distract yourself. 

It really helps to go watch a silly program, pick up a good book, love your cat or involve yourself in a project.

You can come back to the subject of love when you feel better, and it’ll be so much easier to get positive momentum going.

If you don’t feed the negative momentum by continuing to act from an off-center place, you have no idea how quickly things can get good for you. 

Love could show up tomorrow!

I bless you for feeling better & finding the new lease on life that awaits you.

Try those 3 things the next time you feel yourself going down a black hole.

Once a week, I’m going to be answering a question sent in by one of you. 



I get so many, and while I can’t answer each one personally, I’ll choose one a week to help you out.

Here’s the first one.

QUESTION: Kathryn, my mom is getting dementia, and I’m faced with moving her into a facility – which is going to be a process. 


I’ve also got a gigantic project at work that is stressing me out. 


I fear that my love life is being hijacked.


I was just feeling ready for love, and now all of this! 


Should I just give up for now, or is there still hope for me and love?

ANSWER: In my books, I recount stories of people who have found love at the most unlikely times.

• A woman bald as a cueball undergoing chemotherapy for cancer who fell in love with one of the clinic workers.

• A man whose mother had died who met his future wife at the funeral.

• A writer on book deadline – completely stressed – who met her fiancé in a café she hung out in to get some chapters done.

                              

Your future is SO bright

you need shades! 

That has not changed. 

This blip on the radar is NOTHING in comparison to how good it will get for you.

If you don’t have your soulmate, then the best is yet to come.

If you can maintain a hopeful attitude, even as you tend to what’s in front of you to deal with, then love can still come at any time.

Love is so magical that it is always limitless in when and how it shows up.

Remember that, and I bless you for getting your mom settled well, your project successfully completed & still finding many moments of job . . . and yes, even love . . . along the way.