Q: Kathryn, I have been in love with a man for several years. We work together in my office. We flirt, but nothing more has come of it, and I am too shy to say anything. I just found out he got engaged, and I am devastated.

 No matter how hard I try to release, my love for him continues. I feel like he will realize he loves me and break off the engagement. And even if he gets married, I think I may always love him. But I am miserable. What can I do? Thanks for any advice.

A: If ever there was a wake-up call to let go, this is it! What I have to say may surprise you. I find that those who get hung up on someone unavailable are actually unavailable themselves. In some way, your feelings for this man keep you “safe” – out of reach for real love.

Perhaps something in your past has made you equate love with hurt so it’s easier to have a fantasy love rather than the real deal.

But the real deal is SO much more fulfilling, and you will have none of the pain you are feeling.

What I suggest you do is to Clear Your Field. This is a radical move, but it has worked super well for people who pined away for someone for up to a decade. Here’s how to Clear Your Field.

1. Find out the truth – if this person is interested, even if you feel you are sticking your foot in your mouth.  It is better to KNOW than be in some fantasy land. It is better to get beyond it, bring it to earth and move on. So, ask about it, bring up the subject. I know this can be humiliating and risky, but your future in love is at stake. This is serious!!! 

2. If the answer is NO, or if this person tries to lead you on   

(often those we get attached to have a vested interest in having someone on the side to feed their ego), then you need to get real here. This step can help you to realize it will never work out and that it is beneath you to continue these feelings.

3. Sit down and assess what you’ve learned. Ask yourself if you are willing to put your precious life on hold for someone who is just not returning the feelings. I’ve had great success with folks who can finally see the truth and get over it. It’s like ripping a bandaid off. Getting it over with shakes you out of the attachment that has held you hostage. You will be amazed at how quickly this reality check sets you free, and it is worth saying something just to get beyond it.

4. Do a release and then turn your attention to the love that awaits you beyond this. A real love that loves you back!

Here’s the Truth: If they were your One, it would be working out. And, they may be an eel. The reality with your One will be SO much better!