If you’re despairing at being single over the holidays, take heart! It is very common for people to meet their soulmate somewhere along the year end festivities. Perhaps it’s the intensified longing that brings love or the many parties or reaching out that is done during the season. But if you undertake the upcoming days with the right attitude, you may be surprised at what happens. Some tips on making holiday magic happen:

1. Put connection first and foremost. Do everything you can to bring enjoyment to your holidays. This puts you in a magnetic frame of mind & you’ll have fun even if love doesn’t come along.

2. Plan well. Keep your energy positive by setting up some treats for yourself such as spending time with friends, a good novel or even avoiding things that bring you down. Learning to take care of your own happiness is key to attracting love, even if the activity doesn’t seem directly related to meeting someone.

3. Appreciate the Season’s Gifts. Maybe time with family brings up your stuff (& by all means, minimize it if you need to or schedule breaks from them), but there are many things about the holidays to appreciate. Time off from work. Festive occasions. Gifts to unwrap and to give. Revel in the break from routine in any way you can.

I have no doubt that many will be emailing me with their delightful holiday love stories, and I hope YOU’RE one of them!

Holiday Heartbreak

Going through the holidays shortly after a divorce, a breakup, heartbreak or even a death can cast a pall on them. But you can make the best of the time and even find comfort in it. And if you use the above advice to find new love, you wouldn’t be the first to do so even as you grieve.

• Don’t expect life to be normal. You won’t be up to snuff, but you can choose a focus to minimize pain.

• Being with others and seeking connection with friends, family and meeting new people can help you to quit dwelling on the past.

• It is certainly a time for self-indulgence. You’ve never had a better excuse to opt out of things you don’t enjoy or to stay home all day in your jammies watching reality t.v. marathons.

• But don’t indulge in a pity party. Do a release and then replace it with hope for your future and some steps in that direction. Feeding the attachment by wallowing in it will put you through needless misery. 

love and support,
Kathryn

Q: Kathryn, I'm dating the best guy I've ever dated. He is even my boyfriend! But I find myself constantly on pins and needles that I will lose him. It's never been this amazing with anyone before, and I'm at a loss. I know you say that he's not too good for me -- that no one is -- but it feels that way. I almost make myself sick, worrying about it.

A: My answer is one that should cheer you up! Let's dive in further to supposed dating out of your league -- it's not so hard to seal the deal and to save yourself tons of worry and grief.

• DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE, PART 4: Keeping Your Soulmate 
  
  
  So, you've gotten someone who you consider out of your league. You're dating and even committed. How do you keep him or her? The following spiritual techniques will work better than the most skillful manipulation technique that a traditional dating coach could teach you. 
  
  1. Continue to work on your own self-image. No one is really "too good" for you. Dating out of your league is a false concept. And so, you need to repeatedly remind yourself that you're worthy of this person. It's important that the two of you have an equal relationship in which you don't feel one-down. 
  
  2. Relax. When you find yourself panicking that you'll lose this "catch," use faith-building tools like prayer, meditation, uplifting reading and affirmations: ("I GET this and nothing can take away what is mine!). Mellow energy shows confidence and there is no greater magnet. 
  
  3. Communicate. Keep an open channel of
  
  connection with your boyfriend. It's one of the best ways to ensure a continued, vital relationship. Strive to keep revealing yourself to your One, even if it's scary and continue to explore your partner. You can never get to the bottom of another person.
  
  4. Let go. Holding on loosely is MUCH more magnetic than becoming clingy, paranoid or having to keep close tabs (all of which are repellent energies) on your love. Release and watch things blossom!

Chin up! You GET THIS. Most people who do my work end up with someone hotter than anyone they've ever dated. They have to get used to how great this person is that they manifested. But he's yours and you won't lose him. That's how it is with soulmates

Q: Kathryn, I've been reading your series on dating out of your league, and I have a different situation. I did your Soulmate Bootcamp and am now dating a guy who I would have been scared to even talk to at one time.

It's a stretch for me, and I'm scared I will screw it up. I really really like him - I know I'm falling in love. I go through way too much in this process and can relate to that client of yours who ended up in the emergency room. I hate this anxiety. How am I going to make it to getting committed to him? That's what I want.

And he likes me, too, but I get so nervous I don't see how he will like me enough to bring this into a full-on, exclusive relationship. How can I make this happen?

A: Most people who do my work end up supposedly dating out of their league meaning they are finally involved with someone they REALLY like and can't believe their "luck." (Just to remind you, I don't believe that anyone is out of your league, so I don't believe you would ever "update.")

The time between connecting with someone to when you commit can be a crazy time. I find that it can put people off-center. They're either waiting by the phone or checking email obsessively or busy finding fault and questioning whether this could be the One or not.

Three keys to this time are:

1. Finding center on a continual basis. Whenever you start worrying, let it go by doing a release ("I put this in the Universe's hands and trust it all works out") and then get busy having fun in your life. Don't revolve your life around this person.

2. Being with not-knowing. Instead of trying to rush things along, relish this delicious time of falling in love. As long as it's dynamic, you can trust it will work out but don't try to go from attraction to commitment instantaneously. Better to give it some time trusting that the right things will happen in due time.

3. Work on getting up to speed with this man. Remind yourself you're not chopped liver -- that he is lucky to have you, too. And that you deserve someone special. The more you can see this in range for yourself, the less out of your league he will seem. In truth, he is in your league or you wouldn't have gotten this far into dating together. Getting up to speed means accepting your good as your due, and in this case, it will make a world of difference on how you approach the budding relationship.

I bless you for getting into the committed relationship you want with your soulmate -- the hottest guy you've ever met. This could be it, and time will tell. Just know you're special and DESERVE THIS!!

Q: Kathryn, I have blown so many first dates that it's rare that I get a second date with anyone. I'm pretty talkative, and I do like to get down to the nitty gritty

so we don't waste time. I'm also pretty opinionated. Could you tell me some things not to do on a first date? I'd like to at least graduate to getting a second or third. It's getting pretty frustrating, and I know I'm worthy of love.

A: I'm so sorry to hear you've had this experience, but we can change it!

It sounds like you are probably saying some things that are shooting yourself in the foot on dates

Let me help. Here are 3 things not to say on a first date:

1. "I, I, I". If you are talking all about yourself, trying to impress your date, it's a mistake

You're not trying to prove yourself, and this is not connecting

Real connecting looks like: "You talk. They talk. You talk."

And it's best to focus more on asking questions and being a good listener than making it all about you

Some people might mistakenly brag or name drop, but neither of these will be effective in creating a bond

In fact research shows that kind of conversation is pretty offputting

Make your conversation a two way street where neither of you is having a monologue

2. "What do you want in a relationship?"

Turning the first date into a fact finding mission so you can see if they match your list is heavy and will not create an emotional bond between  you two

It can even be fear-based, trying to avoid another unavailable guy, but avoiding anything does not work well

You can assume your date wants what you do, but it will remain to be seen whether you want it with each other

Let the time together stay all about connecting

Enjoying each other comes first

You will see soon enough if the two of you want to continue or not

3. "My ex was a real gold digger. It's made me cautious about who I let in."

I would avoid talking about anyone in a negative way

When you do, you show yourself as judgmental and your date will begin wondering how you are judging him (or her)

I once had a client who was so locked into past mistakes that she judged each date through the cloudy lens of fear 

She had to learn that she would get different results now that she had changed

And approach each date with faith and trust

Instead of worrying what she would do if another guy proved unavailable, she had to learn to imagine the man in front of her was available and would not behave the way ex-flames had

She also had to alter her conversational patterns to connect better, something that I do with folks who dive into courses or groups with me

That was huge learning for her, and it led to her current happy marriage

Habits of past bad connecting or unhelpful conversation HAVE to be changed so you can open up to love

DO THIS INSTEAD! Instead of worrying about impressing your date or judging them, seek only to connect and create an emotional bond

THAT will keep them thinking about you after and wondering when they can see you again

Make sure you're connecting and that changes everything

You'll get to a 2nd, 3rd and 4th date until you've got a date for life!