Q: Kathryn, I'm in my late 50's and have not dated in 5 years. I rarely meet anyone age appropriate or attractive to me and am ready to give up on love
Has love passed me by? Is it too late for me? I'm really scared that is true. I don't feel very attractive either and see an older woman now when I look in the mirror. Who would want me?

A: Are you kidding me?! We need to work on your very limited belief. That's the only thing keeping love away from you

A couple of summers ago, we had a  rash of 50-somethings and seniors getting married. And it keeps on coming

I'm known for helping those who are no longer spring chickens to find love

These people were and are happier than teenagers experiencing first love, and I’m thrilled for them.

You may know that I teach that love knows no boundaries like age. It’s never too late for love. I'm sure that's why you're writing

If you’re ready for it to be your turn, then, here’s what will help.

1. Remember that love can happen at any time. Keep your hopes high, and look for the love stories that remind you that you have every hope for love.

2. Look for your blocks. You didn’t have to wait for love this long. Something is delaying you. Get to the bottom of it & let go of whatever is holding you up. Common blocks are: fear of commitment, past trauma, freedom issues, feeling unworthy of love, a bad pattern and hanging on to the wrong person.

In your case, I'm sure one of your blocks is thinking you're over the hill. You're not. If you haven't met your soulmate,  the best is yet to come

3. Send out a soul call & stay at Soulmate Level of Attraction. Do an energetic invitation for your soulmate to come NOW, and get happy and hopeful. This is an environment in which love can come quickly  . . . even if you’ve waited far too long.

Q: Kathryn, I've done so many things to welcome in love. I don't know what my problem is but I must be doing something wrong, because I'm still waiting. And waiting.

I have been on so many dates (not great ones) and go to a lot of parties. But I never meet anyone interesting.

I just want to shout "Where is my soulmate?!" It is very hard for me to relax and have any faith at all.

Do you have suggestions about what I can do? I'm just at a loss and ready to give up.

A: This is a common problem I deal with when clients are not manifesting easily.

Here are some thoughts:

1. Impatience is a sign that you’ve tried to make something happen before doing the inner work. When you are soulmate-ready, you don’t experience impatience.

2. Waste of Time As my work emphasizes, spending time magnetizing love from the inside ensures you’re not just spinning your wheels taking fruitless action.

3. Stay Home! Remember I’m the only dating coach

who says “you don’t have to get out there” and “if you don’t get out much, (s)he’ll have a wreck in your yard.” That’s because if you are laying the groundwork internally, you may not have to take a single action for love to show up for you. It’s why my book is called Love Will FIND YOU. And it’s why we have so many love stories from this work that involve meeting your soulmate while staying home. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make every single event. Better to stay home & do a Soul Call.

4. Only a Dab of Patience In my book, I extol the virtue of patience in finding love. But you shouldn’t need that much patience. If you are not manifesting right away, you may have a block or delay. Common delays are cynicism, hanging on to someone from your past, self-esteem issues, lack of faith, a bad pattern or tendency to settle. All of these delays can be easily, even instantly overcome. 

5. Instant Manifestation Once you pinpoint your delay, it’s much easier to release it. As you do, you will find love knocking at your door, seemingly out of the blue.

If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

Q: Hi Kathryn! I love your Q & A’s and have one of my own

Ugh! I’ve had another couple of days up all night fretting, and I’m finally reaching out to you for help

I had a rough time as a child with abusive, alcoholic parents and felt like an outcast growing up

After years of therapy, I’m much better, but . . . . I still have a reaction I just hate and I truly think it’s affecting my ability to find love

It’s bad enough that over and over again, I attract guys who don’t live up, who treat me badly, insult me and hurt me

But what is worse is my reaction. After two dates with a guy, if I feel rejected, you would think that someone died from how this makes me feel

I just had this happen again. A guy I have casually dated for a very short time did something pretty hurtful, and I’m traumatized

No matter how short the relationship was or how casual, every time it ends, I pretty much curl up into a fetal ball for sometimes weeks or months

I’m depressed, I don’t want to date ever again, and I’m just miserable. This is where I find myself right now

The trauma is way out of proportion to what happened, and my friends are calling me out on that. But I can’t seem to help it. I find myself shutting down more and more just to avoid any more dating hurt

At this moment, I never want to date again and just live my life alone for fear of being hurt yet again

It’s frustrating because I do want love! Am I hopeless? Is there anything I can do to change the way I react, what I’m attracting and quit repeating this pattern over and over? Please help!

A: I’m glad you wrote me. Your case is far from hopeless

I suspect you just haven’t yet gotten the help you need

Because I ran a crisis clinic for many years, part of my process specifically deals with trauma that continues to inform what is happening now

I recently worked with a woman who had a crazy childhood with a mentally ill mom who abused her. She married a man who also abused her horribly both physically and mentally

When she came to me, she had finally left the abusive marriage but was still quite traumatized. And we got busy treating the still-present wounds and the resulting patterns

Here are the basic steps I used to help her heal and create something new:

1. We gave her the time to heal properly, to lick her wounds and create a sanctuary around her. In the past she always chose situations and people who would hurt her, so taking care of herself was new to her

2. We began using a multi-pronged approach to create a new security and higher self-regard as well as creating within her in a new template of what healthy love would be like to pull her beyond the past patterns. This ensured she would never again create such a destructive situation

3. Finally, we put in new behaviors for her in regards to dating. She would only date sensitive, kind men and at any red flag, she learned to pull out and not tolerate things she accepted before

The result? She found love late in life that made her heart sing with a kind, sensitive and handsome man. To this day, she cannot believe the happiness she is having in a soulmate relationship that honors her

She finally bucked her past trauma once and for all!

You can do this, too. When the pain is in your face like it is right now – that is the PERFECT time to dealwith it and transcend it

So I hope you take this opportunity to do some serious work to heal your trauma

You will be so busy in love, you’ll forget you were ever traumatized