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Q: Kathryn, I'm just starting to date a guy, and he has been making some sexual innuendos from the beginning

On date #3 last week, he asked me if I knew the "3 date rule" when I didn't want to get hot-and-heavy

What?!

I'm supposed to have sex with someone if we get to 3 dates?! That freaks me out. I like him but this is scaring me

Is it true? Is there a 3 date rule?!

I'm more conservative than that and need more time to warm up and make sure this is where I want to go

Is it wrong of me to want a commitment before getting that close?

A: Sadly, I"m sure the "3 date rule" was invented by some horny person looking for a booty call to help their odds of getting in someone's pants (probably without much serious intent there either)

But rest assured, there is no "3 date rule"

There's not a "48 hour rule" either -- that you have to wait to get in touch with someone after you get their info

• There are no rules at all. Each of us has to date in a style that suits us. So, if you are conservative, then you can absolutely wait until you're in a committed relationship (or even married) before going that far

• Anyone who pulls a rule out to try & coerce you into doing something you're not feeling is showing themselves in that moment. The true agenda comes out

• If  you like him and if he is your One, then he'll wait and honor you. If he still pushes, I would eliminate him and know that someone who respects you and will honor your timing lies ahead. He'll be worth holding out for!

• No one -- certainly not you -- is desperate enough to compromise on something like this

• You will not get what you want if you do give in. And you will be upset and feel let down in the end

If you are doing my work, then you are already engaging in a magnetization process that will not fail you

Have some patience and you will meet your One and the timing will unfold perfectly

A STORY

For one woman I worked with -- who had felt taken advantage of time and time again -- the key to her love success was to lay in boundaries

This woman had SO much heartache from giving herself away and then getting put on the back burner

She had felt so disrespected and CHEAP

She had to hold herself in higher esteem and learn to say NO

I also reminded her that any guy really into her would be willing to wait

As the work opened her up to  love, she met the most attractive man she had ever dated

And sure enough, he started pushing her to have sex

In this case, it was because he was so into her. He had such passion for her, it was really hard to wait

But she stuck to her guns and made him wait for several months

He was willing to do it and actually respected her more for not compromising herself

They got engaged shortly after, and are now married

Learning to honor herself more finally got her the love she wanted

Q: Kathryn, what advice would you give someone who absolutely feels they have been hurt so badly that they no longer can feel their heart, there are no emotions, no compassion…nothing, but yet, and still, they want LOVE!!  How would a person like that find their way back to their heart?

A: Great question, and I have to admit you are not the first person who has asked me something similar especially lately

Bless your heart for having gone through this hurt. I'm sorry you had to endure that!

But I have good news . . . you have EVERY hope for love. Here are some keys to finding love despite it all

1) Find anything you can love: a pet, a small child, a hobby, work, a relative. Opening your heart back up is easier if you approach it sideways -- in an area not as 'threatening' as romance.

2) We need to change the focus here. I would do some release first and vow that your past does not have to predict your future, so you will not dwell on it any longer

3) Now, let's refocus. We can do that in a number of ways. I call this the "replace step" after you've released, and it is essential so you don't shut back down.

First, look around for happy couples and promising singles who are good and not toxic. This helps remind you that not every relationship is hurtful. Then, imagine yourself with someone who would never hurt a hair on your head -- your soulmate

If you can gently nudge yourself into a kinder, gentler idea of love, it will raise your point of attraction, you will bring on the love of your life, and your heart will come out to play, never to be hurt again

I had one coaching client who had been emotionally

battered beyond belief. I walked her through the above steps in depth, and I'm happy to report she recently got engaged. The enchanting world she is living in now bears so little resemblance to the agony of her previous hurtful relationships that she often has to pinch herself to make sure it's real

That's what I want for you, too!

Q: Kathryn, I did your dating program, and it seemed to work. I began dating a very attractive man who has everything I've wanted, and it was going along swimmingly.

I got scared, and I have to admit I did a push-pull. I would get the jitters and pull away and then get clingy after having to apologize.

This has gone on for three months, and he is drifting away. He used to call or text almost daily, and now, I haven't heard from him in almost a week.

Was this behavior repulsive? Did I blow it? What can I do now?

A: My answer is that if this man is the right one, you can't blow it with him. It's retrievable.

But yes, push-pull behavior is absolutely repulsive. You might as well put your hand on his chest and push him away. Desperation and anxiety are repellents.

If I were working with you privately, we would need to tackle this pattern of behavior and get rid of it. I have no doubt it's why you've had trouble finding love. Here is an alternative approach.

• Be aware that you have this pattern of getting scared when you get close to someone. And vow to handle it internally -- within yourself -- rather than acting it out with your date.

• Stop the worst of it right away. Sit on your hands rather than do a "pre-emptive strike" like breaking up before he breaks up with you or writing a Dr. John letter because you're sure he's about to end it.

• Learn self-soothing. This is a real key to going from dating into commitment. Working it out with yourself rather than exhibiting very "off" behavior with a love interest is a MUST. How? I use various protocols such as meditation, focus wheels and pivoting in my private work and courses.

Look for anything that can center you when you have fear coming up.

Rehabbing the Relationship

• You can still retrieve this relationship if you do the opposite of what you've been doing. Do a "partial release" -- something I give to private clients and that you can emulate by letting go of him at least enough to not be calling or thinking of him all the time. Focus elsewhere for now.

• When he calls, don't put all of your anxiety on him. He's not responsible for your issues. Even when you're married, you can't lay that all on your spouse. Instead, be happy to hear from him and look for the connection you two shared at the beginning.

If he's the One, it will work out, especially if you can practice partial release and interacting in a cleaner fashion.

But if not, don't worry. Your One will be even better than him -- more attractive, more willing to go forward. But learning this lesson now -- of self-soothing and dating in faith rather than fear -- will serve you well going forward

I'm sending you my love & support!

Q: Kathryn, I've done so many things to welcome in love. I don't know what my problem is but I must be doing something wrong, because I'm still waiting. And waiting.

I have been on so many dates (not great ones) and go to a lot of parties. But I never meet anyone interesting.

I just want to shout "Where is my soulmate?!" It is very hard for me to relax and have any faith at all.

Do you have suggestions about what I can do? I'm just at a loss and ready to give up.

A: This is a common problem I deal with when clients are not manifesting easily.

Here are some thoughts:

1. Impatience is a sign that you’ve tried to make something happen before doing the inner work.

When you are soulmate-ready, you don’t experience impatience
 
2. Waste of Time As my work emphasizes, spending time magnetizing love from the inside ensures you’re not just spinning your wheels taking fruitless action
 
3. Stay Home! Remember I’m the only dating coach who says “you don’t have to get out there” and “if you don’t get out much, (s)he’ll have a wreck in y our yard.” That’s because if you are laying the groundwork internally, you may not have to take a single action for love to show up for you. It’s why my bestselling book is called Love Will FIND YOU

And it’s why we have so many love stories from this work that involve meeting your soulmate while staying home. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make every single event. Better to stay home & do a Soul

Call
 
4. Only a Dab of Patience I often extol the virtue of patience in finding love

But you shouldn’t need that much patience. If you are not manifesting right away, you may have a block or delay. Common delays are cynicism, hanging on to someone from your past, self-esteem issues, lack of faith, a bad pattern or tendency to settle. All of these delays can be easily, even instantly overcome. 
 
5. Instant Manifestation Once you pinpoint your delay, it’s much easier to release it. As you do, you will find love knocking at your door, seemingly out of the blue

Love can happen SUPER FAST once you plug into that