Step #5 is something that seems counterintuition but seals the deal with the one you want

In Step 5, we continue on how to behave when you connect with someone you are intimidated by

This is the connection part

I know this sounds weird but in this case, you have to fight your instinct

STEP #5 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #5?

Act differently than your instinct

- So far your instinct hasn't served you or you would be with your soulmate

- The problem is that most people, when they see someone they feel is out of their league, get intimidated

- And being intimidated means you act out of fear rather than faith

- This is where you go wrong

- To go against your instinct, we have to do things differently

HOW TO DO THIS

In Steps 1 - 4, you learned how to attract someone and how to start connecting well

But even if you attract someone you consider out of your league, most people blow it

What they do next doesn't work

• They get clingy & paranoid this person will leave

• They act from a fear based place

• Desperation repels, and so this will drive the person away from you

• So we have to do the opposite of your instinct

• You need to be hard to get

• This is the faith-based position

• Act as though you are a catch (you are) and don't be overly available

• This is not manipulation when you mean it

SHE LOST THEM ALL

I once worked with a woman who had high standards

She was selective, and all of her friends told her to be less picky

I told her to stay picky

That wasn't the problem

She connected with a few hot guys over the years, but would blow it shortly after

They all went away

She would get clingy, demanding, need reassurance and create drama

Our work changed that so she calmed down and stayed more centered

She also did the steps I told her to be hard-to-get in a GOOD way

It worked!

She attracted the most handsome, wonderful and successful man she had ever met

This time, she did not center her whole life around him

She held on loosely, which is wildly magnetic

And it lasted!

He proposed within just 4 months, saying he had never met a woman like her

(All previous loves had chased him wildly)

The fact is that when you act according to who you really are - a catch - you can get anyone you want . . and keep them

As my now happily-married client will attest to

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Using Steps 1 - 4  (these steps are being posted on my blog if you need to catch up) attract the ones you want

2. As you connect, do not fawn over them but treat them as an equal

3. Don't act hard-to-get, be hard-to-get. This person should prove himself to you -- that he is serious and interested

4. We're not paying games here, but holding on loosely and not being super caught up in the romance until well into it is magic. It is very magnetic so as you fight your instinct to cling, you will see people go crazy over you!

This is the last in the Dating Out of Your League Series. Hope you've enjoyed it.

Step #4 to date out of your league is interacting differently

In Steps 1 - 3, we worked on changing the way you're thinking and the energy you are exuding

In Step 4, we get into how to behave when you connect with someone you are intimidated by
This is the connection part

And I'm about to majorly SURPRISE YOU with how to behave, because it's different than you are thinking


STEP #4 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #4?

Interact equally

- You need to treat this person as an equal

- No longer should you be intimidated

- But don't think you have to be perfect

- Just connect in a way that bonds you

- And you're going to be very surprised by what this might include


HOW TO DO THIS

The losing thought is to feel this person is unattainable

In the first 3 steps to dating out of your league, we got you ready to interact

Now as you encounter the ones you think are out of your league  . .

• You need to see them as someone well within range for you

• Remember they're only human. They have their own insecurities

• And they will not even consider someone who feels less than them

• So when you see him, you need to remind yourself he is your equal

• He is in your range

• He is another human being looking for a connection

• Interact with that in mind


SPILLING THE COFFEE

Results of some pretty revealing research blew my mind & really confirm what I teach

The study involved applying for a job and the interview interaction

The results are startling and can eaily be applied to dating, too

Basically 3 candidates were sent into job interviews - 2 were the perfect candidate with good personalities and all the requirements and 1 was a great personality but less-than-perfect requirements

1 of the 2 perfect candidates was asked to spill coffee in their interview!

It sounds awkward and a slam dunk that the more coordinated perfect candidate would get the job offer
But no. The person who spilled the coffee got the job offer every time

Why is this? Because spilling the coffee humanized the job candidate to the interviewer

We want to use this same principle in interacting with someone you may deem out of your league

If you are vulnerable, even awkward, it's endearing. It humanizes you

All of this is to say that you don't have to be perfect, just relatable

I had a client who considered herself kind of plain.  She literally called herself "basic" which made me laugh

I did have to get her to think of herself differently

We also used her self-effacing charm to simply bond better

She ended up catching the eye of an eligible guy who she would usually have deemed way out of her league

He had women vying for him left and right

But my client's down-to-earth, even awkward charm, was what caught his attention

She met him as an equal, bonded well and owned her humanity

He asked her on a date, things went well and the two are now engaged


YOUR HOMEWORK

1. I want you to realize you don't have to be perfect to attract someone you have deemed out of your league. You just want to be approachable and human, even show some imperfections

2. Practice looking men in the eye and at least smiling -- as an equal. I know for some of my clients who have been intimidated by the hot, eligible ones, this in itself is big growth. Studies show that eye contact and smiling are very attractive and magnetic


3. In the old days, women used to drop their scarves to get a man to have to do something for them. Do you have to go that far? No, it's manipulative. But it's okay to be awkward or even clumsy. Just be YOU in all your humanity and know that's enough


4. Try to make any interaction = they talk - you talk - they talk. You don't want either side to have a monologue because that is not engaging either way

Step #3 to date out of your league is an attitude adjustment

In Steps 1 and 2, we worked on how you think of yourself, boosting your self-image and changing your script

In Step 3, we make a thought correction that will trip you up until it's dealt with

Deciding who is out of your league is very arbitrary

Ever saw a person who you were surprised to see with someone hot and desirable?

And had the thought "How did SHE get HIM?!"?
This is an example of incorrect thinking

You made a judgment call that he was too good for her

Deeming anyone out of your league is the same random categorization of someone as too good for you

We need to change this!


STEP #3 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE
So what is Step #3?

Think of the hot ones differently

- WARNING - if you do not take this step, then even if you get someone hot noticing you, it is impossible to keep him

- Here's the truth -- if you think of this hot person as someone out of your league

- If you are intimidated by him . . . attraction cannot flourish

- Before you exchange a single word, he is sensing your energy

- If you don't think of him as someone you could get, he will not notice you

- I'm about to show you how to create mindblowing attraction

- But you can't get out the gate if you've got him on a pedestal


HOW TO DO THIS

The losing thought is to feel this person is unattainable

In the first 2 steps to dating out of your league, we got you ready to interact

Now as you encounter the ones you think are out of your league  . .

• You need to see them as someone well within range for you

• Remember they're only human. They have their own insecurities

• And they will not even consider someone who feels less than them


• So when you see him, you need to remind yourself he is your equal

• He is in your range

• He is another human being looking for a connection


NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND HOW SHE GOT HIM

One of my original Bootcamp clients was quite the socialite

But when it came to the hot, quality guys, she would get completely tongue-tied

So we did the steps that I'm teaching you in this series

She started seeing guys as in her league, seeing their humanity and vulnerability

This client also had a celebrity crush

She could not believe when she actually met this famous guy at a party her publicist friend took her to

She had been practicing what I taught her, and caught his eye

My client was taken aback for a moment, but then remembered to look at this celebrity as an equal

Her crush actually approached her and struck up a conversation

They dated for several months until she realized he was really self-centered

But turning the head of her long-time crush helped give her the confidence to meet her "person" shortly after, a guy who she never, ever could have talked to before

He would have intimidated her, and never would have noticed her until she took Step #3

The two are now long married with 3 children


YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Start looking at people you have thought were out of your league differently


2. Notice what you think of them, how your body feels, any nervousness and how high the pedestal is you're putting them on


3. Do an in-the-moment course correction to see them as equals, as someone who could use a connection -- like you


4. Concentrate on feeling worthy and do remind yourself that deeming them above you is WRONG


Once you do, here's the best part: You will truly get this.

You'll know how to have people notice you, chase you down.

We'll get rid of anything you have that is in the way of you coming together with your "person" -- even if he's someone you thought was out of your league


I have never seen anyone have more fun than those who learn how to attract love and never again have to chase or be rejected or have heartbreak ever again


The biggest problem those who learn this have is getting used to how good things get

Step #2 to date out of your league comes from a phenomenon I first noticed when teaching workshops and seeing private clients

In workshops, we did an exercise of looking into a person's eyes without saying a word

It was UNCANNY how much people could know about each other just from looking before a word was said

And in seeing private clients, I noticed some clients had such a strong energy, I could barely resist it

For example, one client was convinced she was a "bad girl" and exuded that energy so strongly, I was buying into it

Until I shook myself out of it

But if a trained mental health professional can almost fall prey to this energy, can you imagine how much the average person would buy into the what you think about yourself?!

What you think about yourself informs the energy you exude

Which in turn tells people exactly how to think about you and treat you


STEP #2 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #2?

Change Your Script

- A "script" is the energy we exude that tells others how to think of us and how to treat us

- Felt invisible? You probably have a script that says "ignore me"

- Attract unavailable guys? You have a script that says "I'll settle for crumbs"

- Keep getting victimized in love? You have a script that says "Kick me"

- I have a 5 step script changing process that works wonders

- In just a couple of hours, you can turn from an overlooked wall flower into a hot commodity


HOW TO DO THIS

My 5 step process is something I only teach those working with me -- it takes some guidance

But let me give you a couple of ways to start changing your script now

• We need to find the script you've got now. You can tell by how you're treated

• Then, we must get RID of your old limiting script

• And sub it with the script you want


SHE WENT FROM BRUTAL TO HAVING HIM BEGGING

At around the 10 minute mark in the "Attract the One You Want" free class, I described a client I worked with who was brutal with herself

Her script said "Kick me," and her love life reflected that

We did the 5 step script-changing process, and it changed everything

Suddenly, she was getting noticed, being honored and even sought after for the first time

She had her eye on a guy at church, and he start noticing her after we changed her script

They dated, and he ended up BEGGING HER to be his girlfriend

Changing your script is a powerful thing


YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Notice any pattern you have of being treated in a way you don't like. That will tell your script, and I would then let go of it


2. Think of how you WANT to be treated instead - that will be your new script


3. Practice taking your script out on a test run, exuding that different energy and notice how you are treated differently


Stay tuned for Step #3 of Dating Out of Your League next week. You'll learn the secret to having guys "out of your league" look at you like you're a mouth-watering dessert that they can't wait to sample