Q: Kathryn, I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year. We’re committed and heading toward marriage

But my chemistry with him is starting to fade. We had a few arguments, and I found myself not telling him about some things

Now, I question continuing with him, even though our connection was so strong to begin with and we fit together so well

On the other hand, my sister has not even had chemistry with anyone in years. I know she’s picky, but it’s ridiculous

Could my whole family have a chemistry issue? What gives?

I am really stuck on whether I should break up or if there is a way to revive this relationship I’m in

A: These are great questions about chemistry, and I’m so glad you wrote me

This brings up what chemistry is, what fosters it and what kills it. There are two major chemistry killers – whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or are just starting out. Or even – like your sister – cannot seem to find an attraction

What are the 2 chemistry killers?

1. Having walls up. This relates more to your sister. I’ve worked with many people who cannot find an attraction anywhere. Usually, they’ve been hurt in the past or scared of commitment

They have a hard time being attracted to anyone, their walls are so strong

Or tend to attract only those who are “safe” – the ones they’re not into so their heart remains unscathed. Some are so closed, they attract no one at all

2. Bad communication. This applies more in your case where you had a good relationship and now, it’s going

If you hold things back from your boyfriend, you start building up resentment. It is hard for chemistry to survive in this atmosphere

I have helped to save many a marriage simply by having a couple start being honest and disclosing things

In a healthy (soulmate) relationship, you can tell your partner anything and everything. There’s room for that, and it keeps the chemistry on fire

So how do you restore chemistry? Your situation is easier

 Have a talk with your love and confess the things you’ve held back. Be honest. Research shows that disclosure brings you closer

 I have a technique I use for those just meeting to accelerate bonding and heart-to-heart talks work wonders

 For your sister, finding chemistry takes more work. This is very common in those I work with privately or in coaching groups

 We have to help her adopt a new attitude about love that can help her to open up – let go of bad beliefs and get clear on the idea of risk and rejection

 And as we open her up and raise her point of attraction, love will rush in quickly

 This has been true in so many of those I’ve worked with who had a dry spell or haven’t met anyone interesting in years. They finally found love!

One woman I worked with had not dated in 10 years. She was pretty despairing about ever finding love and said there just were no hot men left (lol!)

We changed that quickly using the protocol based on the above. She realized she was happy alone and that she really couldn’t be hurt

We also started noticing all of the great men out there and worked on her bonding techniques

She found herself opening up – finally!

She met a hot guy she was crazy over within 26 days of us trying this new approach. For the rest of our 3 month coaching time, we solidified the relationship

There were quite a few times when she almost drew back and blew it, but she learned a new emotional pattern that opened up a whole new world of healthy relating for her

The two are now married

I bless you for finding the chemistry you deserve (and your sister, too). I’ll bet this works. Keep me posted!