The worst pain in breaking up is fighting the attachment that remains. Breakups are never easy. The best way to feel better in a hurry is to detach. How? Here are three steps to detachment during breakups.

    1. Make up your mind that you're ready to release.

    2. Create a release ritual for yourself. My Releasing a Person recording takes you through this. Do something formal to say 'goodbye.'

    3. Use tools to keep releasing as necessary. These include letting go minute-by-minute, day-by-day, turning your focus back to your own life and dealing with your pain in an appropriate manner (crying in the shower but not at work).

   

I know you can do this even though breakups can be pretty tough to deal with some times. You don't have to wallow in misery any longer. You have your life to live, love to experience, joy to enjoy, so don't waste a moment more than necessary to get over this, and go towards all the good that is waiting for you.

Part of being single and dating can be frightening: the fact that you must make yourself vulnerable to getting hurt. People try to compensate for this in many ways. Examples:

    • Being the one to always end it first to avoid being the 'dumpee'.

    • Finding trivial reasons to get turned off by someone.

    • Being skeptical from the start, guarding your heart too carefully and bailing at the first sign of trouble (even though this behavior may very well have caused the trouble to begin with).

    • Avoiding dating at all, loudly proclaiming you're happy being single, but really, you just don't want to make yourself vulnerable.

   

We all have our ways of protecting our hearts, but I think that it gets in the way of finding love. Vulnerability is the path to love, as scary as that may be. We must trust that the Divine will protect our hearts and that we're okay to be single, dating and open, even if a few disappointments happen before our soulmate arrives.

Q: Kathryn, I've been doing a LOT of your manifestation techniques. Over the last two years I have manifested three men into my life for a period of 3 to 6 months. However after that it either breaks down or they disappear. I'm working on shifting this pattern but every time I think I have made a final change, the outcome manifests the same way. Could you please give me some suggestions to change this? 

A: The good news is that you're not at Square 1 in your manifestation journey, so congrats for that. At least you're manifesting SOMETHING.

But now, it's time to refine, and I do suspect where you go wrong.

The easiest way to change the results you're seeing and avoid any more heartache is to take a different path of action.

How? Use Step 4 in my creation process.

What's the Step?

The fourth step to manifesting is:

Take Inspired Action

In this process we are very selective in what we do, but do take some sort of action

• The Law of Assertion -- where you take action that feels "effortful" and that you have to MOTIVATE yourself to do rather than be inspired to do it -- fails every time.

I imagine you've been trying this to produce the disappointing results you're getting.

• As you know my work uses the Law of Attraction, and this is a very different way of approaching action.

• The delightful thing about the Law of Attraction is that things tend to fall in your lap, so you don't have to go to extraordinary effort to make things happen for yourself.

• But . . . you DO need to do something. It is just a different way of doing.

How best to do this fourth step?

If you're either a real do-er or a procrastinating perfectionist, you would do things differently than you have been.

• For those who tend to overdo, making everything into too much work, inspired action means waiting a bit before doing anything. Sit on your hands and wait for the inspiration to hit. You'll get more done in 2 hours than you would have in a week if you wait.

And what you do and what you attract will be vastly different. This is not far-fetched from the Law of Attraction.

• For those who are procrastinating perfectionists, ruled by fear and therefore needing lots of reassurance and data before making a move, it's best to do SOMETHING. Even doing something imperfectly is better than staying where you are.

From what I understand, you met all the 3 of the disappearing guys while forcing yourself to date online and get "out there".

That approach is filled with a bit too much fear, and clearly, you didn't wait for the inspiration or you would not have produced such hurtful results.

But rest assured that it is all a learning process, and you still have every chance to meet the love of your life, who would not disappear for anything. This implies that you have to use the Law of Attraction appropriately.

This hot guy will stick by you and wants to seal the deal with you for life!

HOW TO TAKE THIS STEP: The key to Step 4 of my manifestation process -- inspired action -- is to pay more attention to your emotional state. Seek to feel good filled with faith and wellbeing and as you do, the inspiration will strike for you to go somewhere or do something. As you take inspired action, it feels good and easy with no too much effort involved; simply the Law of Attraction at work.

Example: A student in a course I was teaching was a member of the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Club. She would go to every party, any singles event and was on FIVE online dating sites. She was exhausted and often was in a very low energy state with all of these activities.

Like you, she had dating disappointments, one after another. She completely changed what she was doing by concentrating on feeling good and scaling way back on all the activities she was doing. She only went out or went online when in a good mood. It took around 3 weeks for her to meet the guy she is now living with, randomly at a smoothie bar where she got the inspiration to visit as she sought to take better care of herself. This is simply what the Law of attraction can get you.

- If your intention is love, inspired action looks like acting from a place of faith and high self-regard. As you do, you turn your magnet on very strongly for the love of your life and nothing else.

- If your intention is money, inspired action is taking steps based on a strong sense of your value and also with trust rather than desperation (which is a repellent).

There's much more to this step, but these tips can get you started toward your own miracle; learn to use the Law of Attraction

I bless you for changing things up and looking for the inspiration before you act. As you do, it's a whole new ballgame where love will land in your lap.

Q: Hey Kathryn! I love your work and it helped me meet a guy several years ago who landed on my lap and we started what I thought was a healthy relationship. Problem is it is a bit of a crazy love. We have broken up often but just can't seem to quit each other. To be honest, it is not that fun anymore, but the thought of parting ways for good just breaks my heart.

We are definitely in a rut, which is why I enjoyed the Rut Class so much. Do you think that getting out of my rut in this case means we have to break up? Because I am scared that is the answer, but sure don't want to face it. Is there any hope to work it out? Part of my problem is that he will not go forward with me as much as I want. I do want marriage and a family. And I have wasted years of my life on him at this point. Is leaving him the only answer?! I need your advice on this.

A: I am glad you heard the Get Out of Your Rut Class and that it has inspired you to try & figure this out. I'd hate you to spend another few years in limbo with your guy because it is definitely not a sign of healthy relationships.

Having said that, we don't know the answer yet, but it is entirely possible that you can make this a healthy relationship, get it out of the rut and finally move forward into what you want with this man.

There is a technique I use to kick start something that is stalled. And it has been very effective in bringing relationships to soulmate level, where everything changes and it goes where you want it to go. The technique involves getting out of any bad pattern the relationship has fallen into and also bringing it up to soulmate level; healthy relationship.

Even if your boyfriend doesn't know what you're doing, it only takes one person to up-level the relationship and make it dynamic again. Set a secret intention that you will make it better and then watch your energy, trying your best to stay in a good, centered, and hopeful place even as things come up.

It really does help to have someone walk this journey with you to get what you want and achieve a healthy relationship. While my private coaching practice is full, you can still get into the Upgrade Course now, where I will serve as your coach. As part of the course, you will learn how to make it a healthy relationship and also take it to soulmate level (there's a whole module on that), and we will have the luxury of a month to work on this. You will definitely see movement in the process, start enjoying yourself again.

It's our best chance of working it out with him. I bless you for getting the exact love you want. I'm sending you my love and support for that.