To hear the audio version, please click here

Q: Hi Kathryn,

I have been reading your books for about a year and a half now.

I've attracted so many guys that were wrong for me. I keep chugging along trying to be positive but it's getting to the point that I'm tired and really feel like giving up.

I'm clear on who I am and what I want. Most of the guys that I'm attracted to online most of them don't seem to respond and the ones who do turn out to be flakes and disappear soon. They all look good on paper so I'm not sure what to make of this situation.

A few weeks ago I met this guy who came on very strong and then little by little I understood that he has nothing I'm looking for. He was literally broke, emotionally unstable and when I parted ways with him when I saw that he's a poor match he was verbally abusive. So I dived a serious bullet.

I mean I get that none of these guys are really the one.

I'm in a great place, where I feel like my life is stable, I have great friends, good job, financially stable, and I really love my life. So everything is going great and I can be okay without a partner but I so wish I had the right person; that soulmate connection.

I get so many emails etc from a lot of guys I have no interest in. I'm now even going out with them even if I don't feel an attraction just to make sure I'm not passing up on anything and been too shallow.

Do I just stop looking for the one and just try to make it work with one of these people?  I mean they are okay, but I just don't feel that spark or special connection?

How do I handle this situation?


A: First off, sounds like you’re doing a good work, and on your way to love. You know what you want and you have a well-balanced life. Congratulations!

Secondly, my answer is NO!

No, you should not make it work with one of these people. At all!

Someone who is flaky and not showing up for you is not good enough for you.

And a relationship with someone who you’re not 100% sure is your soulmate can never last.

I know it can be tiring, but you have to carry on.

Your guy – who never feels even remotely like settling – is just around the corner.

So keep going!

1. It would be great to pick up the pace. Things tend to go slowly unless you try anything different, which I highly recommend doing. Sometimes books are not enough and it’s worth going a bit deeper into attracting.

2. This time of the year is an amazing time to sow the seeds for FAST change.

 Not only do you have more down time to work on some things,

 But there’s a magical window at the end of the year to really uplevel.

3. We get stuck by our setpoint. Your default seems to have been settling and also making this too hard when it really doesn’t have to be.

When we try to change that setpoint, all kinds of resistance comes up. Truly upleveling involves being willing to slog through the limits and blowing away that setpoint, leaving it far behind.

Last year one woman who started my 30 Day Soulmate Bootcamp at Halloween after 10 holidays alone (and feeling pretty down) met a man at a pre-Thanksgiving party. He shocked her by asking if she could come with him to Thanksgiving at a friend’s the very next day. They really hit it off. She shocked herself by saying “yes” she’d join him after her family’s celebration.

By Christmas, they were in a committed relationship and he whisked her off to a romantic Caribbean resort on December 26, 2015. All of those bad, lonely holidays during which she feared she would never find love evaporated with the enchanting romance that began to unfold. This year, they are already married and she will never spend another Christmas alone.

This student deliberately made a choice to try something different and I hope you will, too.

Things can happen very fast when you take steps to open to the right one and refuse to settle.

On that note, our Holiday Sale is coming up and that very program that worked for our customer  and so many other “holdouts” (those who are not finding love easily) – the 30 Day Soulmate Bootcamp -- will be on huge discount. So look for it, and you very well may be next!