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Q: Kathryn, I was just completely ignored by a guy I was introduced to by mutual friends who is very hot. They wanted to set me up with him, but he barely acknowledged me and then began talking to his buddies. He barely said good-bye when I left

I get this a lot in my life. My family ignores me, my boss ignores me, my co-workers often leave me out of conversations

Why am I just so unseen and unheard. I often feel invisible. This is so hard with dating especially. Is there anything I can do to feel more seen, especially by anyone I find attractive? Thanks in advance. I love your work!

A: I’m so so sorry to hear that you are having this experience

No doubt it harkens to something in your background where you were made to feel inferior in some way

When that happens, we carry it into adulthood and recreate situations in which we are overlooked

Luckily, there’s a fix to this that’s pretty easy

1. We have to change your script. A script is something we hand someone that shows them how to treat us

Studies show that we can be with someone for just a few seconds – or even see video or a photo – and tell a lot about who they are

People probably read you and dismiss you quite quickly

So we must change that energy you give off to say something quite different – that you’re important and desirable

2. Getting into the underpinnings of why you feel so overlooked is helpful but not as important as acting differently

When you begin to respect yourself more, you behave in a way that shows this

Modeling new behavior has proven very effective in getting different results

One woman I worked with applied my behavioral technique to have guys buzzing around her when she had felt invisible up to that point

It took less than an hour to get this result

3. We must supply you with something you seem to be lacking

It’s important, a lot of folks have it and when you put this piece in place, everything changes

I bless you for never being ignored again

You are important and deserve so much better