Q: Kathryn, I’ve been dating the first man I’ve ever really been interested in for a couple of months.

At first, it was all rainbows and bliss, but he’s calling less often and takes forever to want to set a meeting up.

What do you think is going on? What can I do to reignite things?

A: Step 1 that I talk about in the free class “Become Irresistible”  can change everything for you. What is it?

Step 1 of Becoming Irresistible: Make an energy & mindset shift

• Get up to speed – if you think that you’re less than someone, that they’re out of your league or you have to work hard to keep them, you’re not up to speed with them.

This is a dangerous place to be in. It’s almost impossible to manifest with that attitude.

If you can get up to speed and have a different attitude about him, no matter how great he is – then it can change everything in an instant.

We tend to sabotage with anyone that feels out of reach, and you may be doing this without even knowing it.

• Stand in who you are – if you knew even a fraction of how amazing you are and stood in it, things would change quickly for you two, and he’d be beating down your door.

I call confidence “the universal attractant” because studies show that walking in the awareness of your value is always attractive to everyone unlike almost every other characteristic.

• Like turning on a light bulb – when you take the two above steps, it’s like flipping a switch.

{get the other 2 steps to becoming irresistible in the free class by the same name, ending soon}

I have helped people apply the above steps to a relationship that was slipping away, and every time the couple has ended up engaged.

One woman had just about given up on a man she was daydreaming about when she joined a live course I was teaching.

I helped her apply these steps to the relationship, and things perked up in a hurry.

Before she knew it, they had a standing Saturday night date; he bought tickets for a concert 4 months in advance and was whisking her away on a ski vacation with friends that winter.

I think you may already be signed up for the upcoming “Create-a-Mate” Course and I can’t wait to help you.

But if not, I’d grab a space while they’re still available.

It’s the best chance to work with me personally, other than my full and much more expensive private coaching.

I’m blessing you! This is very easy to fix and I trust that we handle it together to get just what you want.

Sending you love & support!

Q: Dear Kathryn,

I recently wrote you a really long... question. Here is my shortened version. [note: thanks for that]

You say not to get too attached to one person as that is one of the biggest blocks.

You also say to keep hope and excitement and fun and lightness about new love...

What do I do when the reason I have hope and excitement IS BECAUSE of this one person who I have a lot of trouble releasing? Although I have released him many times, he keeps in my heart and still... keeps me excited for love.

How does the dream of him keep me alive?

And what do I do when now, after 2+ years of dreaming of him, now there is someone who actually IS interested in me... and I feel like I'd be cheating on the first guy?

If I continue to pursue the new guy...

How can I explore the new guy while having this dent in my heart for the first guy?!

It feels like I am being unfaithful to him even though we connected so beautifully over 2 years ago and ever since have had only some private message Facebook communication mostly started by me and other than that, only actually seeing him a couple times very briefly?

How do I go forward with these conflicting feelings?

I feel my heart is breaking by letting go of the first guy but the new guy is wonderful and gives me so much attention and love... but with him it feels more innocent.

The first guy felt like nothing in this world, there was pure magic there and it all felt very real and grounded too.

Why do I hold out for the guy who isn't giving anything to me?

Thank you, Kathryn!!!! You have been helping me beyond words! My life has completely shifted by listening to all your recordings. Eternal thanks!!!

I love you and appreciate you more than words!!!!!!

A: Thanks for writing!

I've got a few points to help you with this situation. And I'm really sorry you've suffered for it

• DO NOT ever feel guilty or like you're betraying someone you're not committed to. It is a waste of time and super misplaced sense of unfairness.

• I hate to say this but often, when we get stuck on unavailable folks, it's a great way to keep US unavailable. I would look at that.

• Try to give the new guy a chance. He is showing up for you, and that's way more attractive than someone who is not.

• I would not do most of the heavy lifting in relationship ever again -- like being the one to initiate most of the contact. We want to make sure it's requited love. Besides, there's a SO much more effective way to attract someone and have them coming to you.

I do hope you'll tune into my free class next week "Become Irresistible".

You'll learn how to magnetize anyone you want -- including the one who has not been showing up -- to have love drop in your lap rather than have to force something into happening.

I'm sending you love & support -- so happy my work has been helping you :)

Q: Kathryn, I hope you and your family are well. :)

Thank you for sending your great newsletters! I was up all night thinking this and even watched some of your YouTube videos in the middle of the night, since I couldn't sleep. I'm writing this Q&A because maybe other women have confusion between a soulmate vs. a benchmark? I'm wondering if maybe you can shed a little light on how we know for certain whether to do more or just let things be and have faith they'll be done for us.

A couple of weeks ago, I manifested a man, out of thin air. One night, after watching a movie right before falling asleep, I said to God "I want a man just like Kobus" (the character in the film). The next evening, while taking a walk with a friend, I noticed a man who looked exactly like him in the park and smiled at him. We ended up chatting and all 3 went to have ice cream together. He was traveling alone from South America to North by motorcycle. After a nice chat with him, it was getting late, so I gave him my business card and we left. He said "what a nice evening this was" and as we walked away, I looked back and noticed he looked slightly sad. (Maybe because we were leaving?) 

As my friend and I walked back to the subway, she told me he had mentioned meeting up again since he was only here 2 more days (he lives in France). Yet I totally ignored it and kept talking. I hadn't even noticed it, probably because I was nervous! But when she mentioned it, I did recall hearing it. I was confused because he's the closest guy to the soulmate list I'd written down when doing your work, but a comment he made to the effect of "You're lucky you don't have kids" (in the context of traveling freely), threw me for a loop. Still, I was very curious to see him again one-on-one, and hoped he would contact me for a date.

The 2 days passed without any news and since I couldn't get him out of my head, I decided to reach out to him via Facebook. When I wrote him, he replied immediately saying 

"Hi! so nice to read you  
..I was hoping to meet you again when I was in NYC...  I wrote you but I guess you were too busy... 

I am in Binghamton now and go to Buffalo on the evening. How are you?”

I wrote back that I didn't receive anything, was he sure he had the right email and he wrote: "I think so and I left a review on one of your posts on Facebook and wrote you on the email address on your business card"

The next day, when I told my friend, she was skeptical and said "I don't believe he actually tried to write to you, maybe it's an excuse?" I didn't know what to think but I wrote him back a few times because I was curious to see him again, also because I'd had some signs from the universe in prior years that seemed to indicate my soulmate would be a "Lion King" (his name means king in French and he's a Leo) and that soulmate love would blossom on a "bridge" (we met in Brooklyn Bridge park)!

(I had no idea what those signposts meant at the time...)

I expressed my regret at not finding the messages and he wrote back: "don't worry... its ok. I was just...a little sad cause I was really aiming to see you again there...” (I thought back to the sad face I'd seen)

And so I said "I would have liked that! & you never know...maybe I will see you in France! _"

He replied "In France… or in Canada (I'll be there for the next 2 weeks)! 
Leave the city...and join me"

I asked if he was serious--I had only seen him once for an hour and had ice cream...not even one date! 

He wrote back: "Hello! ... if I am serious… to join me? Why not...? 

I was just sad that our meeting ended after this ice cream... and I would love to have more time to discover you…"

So I was considering it, but felt torn because it could have been risky, too. And before traveling at my own expense, I just would have liked to have the opportunity to get to know him, first.

After 5 more requests from him to go to Canada, I finally said maybe I could meet him in France for a weekend on my way back from a business trip to Italy in September. He liked the idea but in the following 2 weeks he spent in Canada, he didn't really reach out anymore, leading me to believe he had just been a soulmate benchmark...

OR, had I pushed him away...

How does one know?

Could I have done more?

Or would the Universe have made it work out (i.e. I would have received the first messages and we would have seen each other when he was here, he would never have said the "kids" comment if he was my guy, he could have come back to NY, etc, etc...)

I only ask because I'm reminded of that joke about the hurricane Katrina victim who gets to heaven and says to God "I had so much faith you'd save me, what happened?" And God replies "Well, I sent you a boat, and 2 helicopters and you didn't take them!"

If we are to co-create with God, how much do we do?

And how much do we sit back and trust that things will just work out?

Hope this can help some other ladies (and men), too, who are still waiting to find true love...

In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of love, joy and gratitude!

A: Thanks for the extensive question. I think this is more of a benchmark than your soulmate.

It's a great sign that you're on the way, in that he had so much you wanted and was attractive to you.

However, you gave him ample opportunity to work it out, and it doesn't seem to be a flow.

With the real deal, he would have gotten through to you the first time, would have jumped on your being willing to see him again and you'd be in his arms by now.

But it's okay. Your soulmate will be hotter & show up all the way for you.

The best way to tell a benchmark from ‘The One’ is that it flows easily and you don't have to do much of the heavy lifting (in this case you ended up tracking him down and then doing a lot of the work to try and see him -- why couldn't he come to see YOU?)

You also never want to put too much pressure on a particular situation. It shouldn't be that hard, and we do fail when we try to make a benchmark into the entire manifestation.

I wonder if you got used to settling for less than what you want

Or if there is some other block in the way

So far, so good, because you're getting good benchmarks

But usually, we can take a couple of steps and have you in the arms of your One quickly.

I do hope you'll tune into my free class next week "Become Irresistible"

I'll show you the way to manifest almost instantly -- a guy who blows this one out of the water.

I'm sending you love & support for being with your soulmate quickly -- I'm sure love in the works now.

Q: I have followed your work for several years and it has been quite helpful. However, I still have not found love.  For ten years, I was a puppet on a string but that has since ended (thankfully), and emotionally and mentally I have moved on.  I have started to be more open and even signed up for online dating even though I hate that medium.  

But nothing!  Nothing in reality or virtually is coming my way and I don't know what to do to change that.  In addition, my high school crush has shown some interest but I am not interested.  He is a great guy but we are very different and, now, grown-up.  But I feel this is the only thing coming my way and since I am out of options then maybe I should take it.  I don't know what to do.

Thank you for your help.  

A: I have to first applaud the good work you've been doing. You got yourself out of the dysfunctional relationship and now have a clean slate, so that's amazing progress on your part.

What I advise you to do is to NEVER SETTLE. For whatever reason he's not of interest, it's a huge disservice to him to have him be someone you settle for and to YOU for thinking this is all you can hope for.

Here are some tips on what to do to rev up your love life:

1. Try to ignore the dating desert you're currently in. It's immaterial, just a temporary appearance.

2. Start thinking of a time when you did have more of a love life happening. As you do, you invite that energy back in, and it's a powerful step.

3. Start working on your Level of Attraction. That is EVERYTHING. The reason we have so many people who've found soulmate love after years of despair is that my work gets them to a new place where love can easily come in.

This is equally true for you, and you're just not there yet

A very positive step you can take to set an intention to get your love life going is to sign up for my upcoming free class "Become Irresistible".

As you learn what I teach there, you'll be picking and choosing between several hot men and won't even remember any sort of dead love life.

Chin up - you have good days ahead!