Q: Kathryn, I hope you and your family are well. :)

Thank you for sending your great newsletters! I was up all night thinking this and even watched some of your YouTube videos in the middle of the night, since I couldn't sleep. I'm writing this Q&A because maybe other women have confusion between a soulmate vs. a benchmark? I'm wondering if maybe you can shed a little light on how we know for certain whether to do more or just let things be and have faith they'll be done for us.

A couple of weeks ago, I manifested a man, out of thin air. One night, after watching a movie right before falling asleep, I said to God "I want a man just like Kobus" (the character in the film). The next evening, while taking a walk with a friend, I noticed a man who looked exactly like him in the park and smiled at him. We ended up chatting and all 3 went to have ice cream together. He was traveling alone from South America to North by motorcycle. After a nice chat with him, it was getting late, so I gave him my business card and we left. He said "what a nice evening this was" and as we walked away, I looked back and noticed he looked slightly sad. (Maybe because we were leaving?) 

As my friend and I walked back to the subway, she told me he had mentioned meeting up again since he was only here 2 more days (he lives in France). Yet I totally ignored it and kept talking. I hadn't even noticed it, probably because I was nervous! But when she mentioned it, I did recall hearing it. I was confused because he's the closest guy to the soulmate list I'd written down when doing your work, but a comment he made to the effect of "You're lucky you don't have kids" (in the context of traveling freely), threw me for a loop. Still, I was very curious to see him again one-on-one, and hoped he would contact me for a date.

The 2 days passed without any news and since I couldn't get him out of my head, I decided to reach out to him via Facebook. When I wrote him, he replied immediately saying 
"Hi! so nice to read you  
..I was hoping to meet you again when I was in NYC...  I wrote you but I guess you were too busy... 

I am in Binghamton now and go to Buffalo on the evening. How are you?”

I wrote back that I didn't receive anything, was he sure he had the right email and he wrote: "I think so and I left a review on one of your posts on Facebook and wrote you on the email address on your business card"

The next day, when I told my friend, she was skeptical and said "I don't believe he actually tried to write to you, maybe it's an excuse?" I didn't know what to think but I wrote him back a few times because I was curious to see him again, also because I'd had some signs from the universe in prior years that seemed to indicate my soulmate would be a "Lion King" (his name means king in French and he's a Leo) and that soulmate love would blossom on a "bridge" (we met in Brooklyn Bridge park)!

(I had no idea what those signposts meant at the time...)

I expressed my regret at not finding the messages and he wrote back: "don't worry... its ok. I was just...a little sad cause I was really aiming to see you again there...” (I thought back to the sad face I'd seen)

And so I said "I would have liked that! & you never know...maybe I will see you in France! "

He replied "In France… or in Canada (I'll be there for the next 2 weeks)! 
Leave the city...and join me"

I asked if he was serious--I had only seen him once for an hour and had ice cream...not even one date! 

He wrote back: "Hello! ... if I am serious… to join me? Why not...? 
I was just sad that our meeting ended after this ice cream... and I would love to have more time to discover you…"

So I was considering it, but felt torn because it could have been risky, too. And before traveling at my own expense, I just would have liked to have the opportunity to get to know him, first.

After 5 more requests from him to go to Canada, I finally said maybe I could meet him in France for a weekend on my way back from a business trip to Italy in September. He liked the idea but in the following 2 weeks he spent in Canada, he didn't really reach out anymore, leading me to believe he had just been a soulmate benchmark...

OR, had I pushed him away...

How does one know?
Could I have done more?

Or would the Universe have made it work out (i.e. I would have received the first messages and we would have seen each other when he was here, he would never have said the "kids" comment if he was my guy, he could have come back to NY, etc, etc...)

I only ask because I'm reminded of that joke about the hurricane Katrina victim who gets to heaven and says to God "I had so much faith you'd save me, what happened?" And God replies "Well, I sent you a boat, and 2 helicopters and you didn't take them!"

If we are to co-create with God, how much do we do?

And how much do we sit back and trust that things will just work out?

Hope this can help some other ladies (and men), too, who are still waiting to find true love...

In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of love, joy and gratitude!

A: Thanks for the extensive question. I think this is more of a benchmark than your soulmate.

It's a great sign that you're on the way, in that he had so much you wanted and was attractive to you.

However, you gave him ample opportunity to work it out, and it doesn't seem to be a flow.

With the real deal, he would have gotten through to you the first time, would have jumped on your being willing to see him again and you'd be in his arms by now.

But it's okay. Your soulmate will be hotter & show up all the way for you.

The best way to tell a benchmark from ‘The One’ is that it flows easily and you don't have to do much of the heavy lifting (in this case you ended up tracking him down and then doing a lot of the work to try and see him -- why couldn't he come to see YOU?)

You also never want to put too much pressure on a particular situation. It shouldn't be that hard, and we do fail when we try to make a benchmark into the entire manifestation.

I wonder if you got used to settling for less than what you want
Or if there is some other block in the way

So far, so good, because you're getting good benchmarks

But usually, we can take a couple of steps and have you in the arms of your One quickly.

I do hope you'll tune into my free class next week "Become Irresistible"

I'll show you the way to manifest almost instantly -- a guy who blows this one out of the water.

I'm sending you love & support for being with your soulmate quickly -- I'm sure love in the works now.