Love repellent #5 is what can take a budding relationship DOWN

Things are looking promising, but suddenly the interest is waning

He calls less, seems less interested and then he's gone

You might even ask what happened, and he'll say something vague like "I realized it wasn't right"

He doesn't even know why his feelings died!


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What happened?!

You felt an urgency to find someone soon and gave yourself away too easily

- Yep. One of the things that I teach is "don't cry 'soulmate' too early"

- What does this mean?!

- You have a few dates, and he seems enthralled with you

- He's already talking long term -- trips, concerts, even creating a life together

- And rather than slow it down, you just buy right into it

- Is taking a "wait and see" attitude cynical?!


- No, it's not

- You're simply honoring yourself with the luxury of going slow

- And not giving away yourself too easily

- There are many reasons why someone may be talking about a future early

- They're in the moment, they're looking for sex. Who knows?

- But only time will tell if they mean business and if they really are what you want

So what do you do differently?


THE ANTIDOTE


You shouldn't play hard-to-get

You should BE hard-to-get

When you hold yourself in high regard, a byproduct of self-esteem, you don't fall for the first flowery-talking, handsome guy who comes along

Here is the antidote:

1. See yourself as someone special who is confident and feels attractive

2. Do not fall for talk of the future but take a wait-and-see attitude

3. You should not be overly available. If someone really likes you, they'll make dates ahead of time, jump through a few hoops and do at least their share of heavy lifting (initiating calls, texts and dates rather than you always having to reach out)

4. Have a great time on dates, but your life should be filled with other dates (until commitment), work, friends, family and balance in between so you're not sitting by the phone waiting

5. The D in my super effective ABC Connecting Method is "dance away". Why would we include that step? Because far too many get hooked into someone and hang on too long rather than pull away. Pulling away means you're trusting if it's meant to be, it will happen. It's an act of faith

6. Don't be Desperate - Dance Away -- that's a good motto to have. It ensures you are centered and not giving into the lower fears that tend to sabotage a good thing you have going


WE CORRECTED THIS REPELLENT & SHE FOUND LOVE IN A FEW MONTHS


One student I worked with had three relationships in a row fizzle. She was at her wit's end.

In each case, the guy was talking about a future, and then practically disappeared

What did she do wrong?

She was guilty of Love Repellent #5 - crying soulmate too early

She went right along with planning a future just within the first few days!

Bad mistake

When she came to me, she was so hurt and ready to give up on love

We did a release on her 3 exes (one literally only lasted 2 weeks) and changed what she was doing

From then on, she became hard-to-get, smiling when guys would mention a future but not encouraging it

She got busy with the rest of her life, and never put all her eggs in one basket, always having multiple dates lined up

Within a few weeks, she met Finn, a handsome and charming man

While she was once again quite fascinated with Finn, she did not comment when he would bring up the future

She just smiled and stuck to her vow to end dates earlier and not be super available

She felt better, just for finally honoring herself
And sure enough, instead of driving Finn away, he kept showing up

He pinned her down for a Saturday date early in the week

He had to put up or shut up in order to turn her head

Sure enough, he insisted on a commitment within a month (she put him off at least a week on that one)

And proposed within 2 months

The two are now planning a wedding, and to this day, she's still not using the word soulmate

I suggest not using the term "soulmate" until you're married. You want to make sure

Your love interest should have to earn that title!


Learning Love Repellent #5 and finally acting in a way that honored herself proved just the remedy for her broken heart

And this student will never have a broken heart again!


YOUR HOMEWORK

If you're using the antidotes from Love Repellents #1 - #4, then you're no doubt seeing a huge change in your love life

You're getting more interest and bonding better with those you find attractive

They're calling and pursuing you

But do remember Dance Away not Desperation

Hold yourself in high regard and BE hard-to-get

There is no manipulation needed here

Just know that you need to explore a relationship to really be sure it's soulmate material

Practically speaking, you should:

• not do all of the heavy lifting in a relationship, initiating calls, texts and dates. Let them do a lot of that

• end dates before they go on too long - you'll have plenty of time to get to know one another. No need to rush it!

• only get physically close when you are ready. Do not give into pressure when you don't feel emotionally secure enough in the relationship for intimacy

• don't fall for flowery words unless they are backed up by behaviors. He needs to walk the talk for you to take him seriously

• be busy so you're not focusing on the relationship to the point of obsession. Keep dating others until you are committed


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #6 in next week's blog. This repellent is why you don't get to the commitment you want

It's really irritating when your ex, who after 3 years would not marry you, breaks up with you to marry another gal within a year

What does she know that you didn't?!

Overcoming this repellent is a big reason why our wall of weddings is huge and ever-expanding. This gets you from dating into a committed relationship

Love repellent #4 is what can make a date go bad without your knowing it

The date goes nicely but then they never call again

You don't know what you did wrong

But he did kiss you at the end of the date

And promised to call

But why didn't he?!


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What are you doing that make the date pull away?

It's not picking up and returning BIDS

- What is a BID?

- Anytime someone opens up to you, they are very vulnerable

- Each communication feels like a risk to them

- They need to feel you are with them

- So if they lob a BID your way, and you react negatively -- even if you think it's a valid argument or healthy debate -- they start pulling away

- There's a subtle bonding process that begins the minute you meet -- maybe even sooner if you're online dating


- It's important to do everything you can to let this person know they are safe and understood with you

- And it's critical to know what will bond you and what will push them away

- I have long seen that many people simply don't know HOW they're pushing people away

- And once they learn how to bond, they quickly find love


THE ANTIDOTE


You have to learn when you're getting a bid and what to do with it

And further, it's one key to creating a bond

Here is the antidote:

1. Start noticing when folks are putting a bid out to you, particularly on a date

2. Respond positively. Don't negate what they just said, don't be luke warm but instead be supportive, warm and interested

3. When someone negates a BID -- let's say you argue, or say NO -- your date feels subtly rejected

Even when it's something silly like you not trying a bite of their food or asking them not to lean against your recently painted wall.

It creates a distance between you

4. Dates are no time to argue politics, religion or any subject. They're a time for bonding and creating a connection, particularly if you like your date!

5. To create a positive BID, you can use everything we've been discussing so far in the Love Repellent Series - be warm, ask follow-up questions and look them in the eyes

6. We need to add to this by also being positive, supportive and saying YES as much as we can (not to sex if you're not feeling it, that's another subject and related to Boundaries, and ascertaining interest. We'll get there soon)


SHE FOUND LOVE AFTER BEING SINGLE FOR DECADES

I worked with a high powered litigation attorney a few years ago

She grew up in an argumentative family of strong-willed independent people

(There's nothing wrong with being empowered in that way)

She was well-versed in debate

And did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

She said NO so often to colleagues invitations to lunches, dinners and having a quick drink, they quit asking her

She went on a date when we first start working together, and by probing, I found out she did the following on that date:

- got into a heated discussion about an proposition on the upcoming election ballot

- refused the date's offer of a sip of his signature cocktail

- did not take up his BID of mentioning his family (she could have asked more details to indicate interest)

- fairly abruptly announced she had to go when the clock struck 10

And she liked this guy!!!

She did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

In her family growing up, no one knew or cared about bids

And her willingness to argue and be abrasive actually serves her well in her field

But she was unable to turn this tendency off in order to bond to someone she actually wanted to be close to!!

This client had had a LOT of first dates and very few second ones, no surprise

And she tended to be lonely with few friends

So we worked on returning BIDS better

I forbade even NEUTRAL BIDS (those where you are polite but cold or not engaging)

I asked her to return BIDS with a positive response to everyone for a period of time

She was SHOCKED at her instinct to shut folks down
She never even knew she was doing it

But as she gave new responses, the outcome was so positive she got in practice better

And then she ran into the guy who never called again on the street (the one she liked)

After all of our practice, she naturally reached out to him, giving her own very positive bid

He looked surprised, but said "hello"

She then apologized for coming across as cold on their date, saying she had had a bad day

They ended up having a long discussion on the street, which led to drinks and dinner

THIS TIME, they did bond!

The two are now engaged, planning a wedding this fall


Learning Love Repellent #4 and course correcting proved just the ticket for this happy client


YOUR HOMEWORK

This week, start noticing when people are lobbing BIDS your way

Practice giving POSITIVE BIDS as much as you can

Notice the response to BIDS you give out, and don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond in kind

They may not know about BIDS, and suffer for it
(There is no rejection, there is just the wrong fit)

As you get into practice, you can use BIDS to bond more quickly so you get the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

You can even use this knowledge at work and with friends for very good results


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #5 in next blog.

This repellent is big reason you don't attract who you want. Once you learn it, you will be treated very differently in the best way possible

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

Love repellent #3 can make you and your soulmate be like ships passing in the night

You don't see each other, don't connect and it's left for another time and place to come together


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is this failure to connect that will repel love?

It's not looking in people's eyes

- I have been astounded at how many people avoid looking into others' eyes

- Especially if it's someone they find hot (most likely to be your soulmate)

- If you don't connect or actively avoid it, it's impossible to meet your soulmate

- The first thing we learn in my ABC Connecting formula is how to properly look someone in the eye

- One shy student I trained in this technique can get anyone she wants to cross a crowded room to talk to her

- Learning to connect like you are looking into their soul is wildly powerful

- And if you don't know how to do this, you might as well hang a "not available" sign around your neck


THE ANTIDOTE


How to look in someone's eyes magnetically?

Here is the antidote:

1. Start practicing way before you meet someone interesting. Look into the eyes of the grocery checker, your pregnant co-worker and anyone else you encounter

2. Practice looking into their eyes and really seeing them for just a few seconds

3. Did you ever wonder how babies know to look at you right in your eyes? And so does your dog!

4. If you're sitting at a traffic light, isn't it weird that you look at the driver in the next lane, they will feel your gaze, turn their head and look at who is staring at them?!

5. Looking at someone is powerful. You don't want to be creepy, but just a few seconds and people will treat you much differently

6. Try it starting TODAY so you are in practice when your love comes along


SHE FOUND A LOVE FOR THE AGES


One super shy woman signed on as my client
This is the first thing we did -- learn to look in peoples' eyes, which was extremely hard for her
But she got good at it

She noticed she got more popular at work and was making more friends

This led to her being invited to a dinner party with a lot of show biz folks

One guy came in late, plopped himself in front of her and not looking up, start wolfing down food

When he glanced up for a second, she realized he is a pretty well-known celebrity

She almost froze, but remembered all of the work we had been doing

So rather than do nothing, she muttered "You have beautiful eyes," to him, half joking

He said, "really?!"

And she looked at him with the gaze we had been practicing, really looked into his eyes

"I looked into his eyes, and they WERE beautiful. They really were!! I felt I could see his soul in that moment, and I think he recognized me, too."

They chatted a while at the party, and she gave him her number before leaving to get some shuteye before work

Her phone rang at 4 a.m.

It was this celebrity, asking her to go out on a date that night

She said "yes". They went on the date, and have been together ever since

The two are now married!

And all of this came from her learning to

avoid Love Repellent #3

(This guy's friends were astounded. They never thought he'd settle down. But now the two have been married for quite a few years)


YOUR HOMEWORK

In the next day or two, start looking people right in the eye

Be interested in trying to see their soul for a moment

Yes, you may become super popular and need to learn boundaries

But you will be open and ensure that you don't miss your soulmate

Just a glance or two makes people feel seen
And it will open many doors for you including the one right into the arms of your soulmate


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #4 in next week's email. This repellent will make you choke on a date like nothing else. It is one of the biggest revelations of all time to many now on my wall of weddings.

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

Love repellent #2 is something that far too many people have no clue they're doing

When I work with people, they do it almost unanimously without realizing it

And yet it is the key to connecting, to being sought after and even winning a bucket load of money


THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is this wrongheaded behavior that will repel love?

It's making it all about you without even knowing it

-This is something you may not even realize you do

- Many people make the huge mistake of thinking that they must come across as dazzling and fascinating to attract anyone

- That is a very self-centered and wrongheaded notion

- Believe it or or not, when you become self-conscious, you are guilty of this, too

- When you get self-conscious, you're making it all about you when there is another person in front of you who needs to connect

- I literally have to train most of my students how to have an engaging conversation when faced with someone hot (most likely to be your soulmate)

- If you can do this differently, research shows that you will get 80% more second dates



THE ANTIDOTE


So what can you do to be less self-centered and truly connect with someone you want to?

Here is the antidote:

1. Make sure your conversations go like this: you talk - they talk - you talk (no monologues allowed)

2. Worry more about being a good listener than how you come across. Shelf the self-consciousness as very self-centered. You don't have time for that!

3. Now here's the part that gets people 80% more second dates. Ask follow-up questions. The simple act of listening well enough to really hear and then asking for more clarification will bond you to the point where your love interest must see you again

4. Why does this work so well? Research shows that our brains light up more when we talk about ourselves than when we are either having sex or eating. LOL!


HE WON $500K BY AVOIDING REPELLENT #2


A life coach that I hired won half a million dollars at age 24 by avoiding this repellent. He was a contestant on a major network's game show.

And he noticed that none of his fellow contestants asked him anything about his life. Ever! They fell into the trap of Repellent #2 probably without realizing it.

But this coach knew better than to fall into Repellent #2. Instead of making it all about him, this naturally quiet guy asked everyone about their lives back home and really listened, asking many follow-up questions.

He ended up getting the only unanimous vote in the history of the game to win half a million dollars. Plus he won another $50,000 by being voted the viewers' favorite, too.

All because he had bonded with his fellow contestants by really listening to them, something that no one else did.


YOUR HOMEWORK

In the next week, combine the homework from Repellent #1 (being warm in your voice and face -- hopefully, you're getting good at this!) with this new piece - ask follow-up questions, really listen and engage with other people


Quit making it about you but just be super interested in THEM. It will help you in love. People will be mysteriously drawn to you. And it can help in work or even in a game show :)


Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #3 in next week's email. Overcoming this one resulted in a romance for the ages ♥