Love repellent #5 is what can take a budding relationship DOWN
He calls less, seems less interested and then he's gone
You might even ask what happened, and he'll say something vague like "I realized it wasn't right"
He doesn't even know why his feelings died!
THE LOVE REPELLENT
What happened?!
You felt an urgency to find someone soon and gave yourself away too easily
- Yep. One of the things that I teach is "don't cry 'soulmate' too early"
- What does this mean?!
- You have a few dates, and he seems enthralled with you
- He's already talking long term -- trips, concerts, even creating a life together
- And rather than slow it down, you just buy right into it
- Is taking a "wait and see" attitude cynical?!
- No, it's not
- You're simply honoring yourself with the luxury of going slow
- And not giving away yourself too easily
- There are many reasons why someone may be talking about a future early
- They're in the moment, they're looking for sex. Who knows?
- But only time will tell if they mean business and if they really are what you want
So what do you do differently?
THE ANTIDOTE
You shouldn't play hard-to-get
You should BE hard-to-get
When you hold yourself in high regard, a byproduct of self-esteem, you don't fall for the first flowery-talking, handsome guy who comes along
Here is the antidote:
1. See yourself as someone special who is confident and feels attractive
2. Do not fall for talk of the future but take a wait-and-see attitude
3. You should not be overly available. If someone really likes you, they'll make dates ahead of time, jump through a few hoops and do at least their share of heavy lifting (initiating calls, texts and dates rather than you always having to reach out)
4. Have a great time on dates, but your life should be filled with other dates (until commitment), work, friends, family and balance in between so you're not sitting by the phone waiting
5. The D in my super effective ABC Connecting Method is "dance away". Why would we include that step? Because far too many get hooked into someone and hang on too long rather than pull away. Pulling away means you're trusting if it's meant to be, it will happen. It's an act of faith
WE CORRECTED THIS REPELLENT & SHE FOUND LOVE IN A FEW MONTHS
One student I worked with had three relationships in a row fizzle. She was at her wit's end.
In each case, the guy was talking about a future, and then practically disappeared
What did she do wrong?
She was guilty of Love Repellent #5 - crying soulmate too early
She went right along with planning a future just within the first few days!
Bad mistake
When she came to me, she was so hurt and ready to give up on love
We did a release on her 3 exes (one literally only lasted 2 weeks) and changed what she was doing
From then on, she became hard-to-get, smiling when guys would mention a future but not encouraging it
She got busy with the rest of her life, and never put all her eggs in one basket, always having multiple dates lined up
Within a few weeks, she met Finn, a handsome and charming man
While she was once again quite fascinated with Finn, she did not comment when he would bring up the future
She just smiled and stuck to her vow to end dates earlier and not be super available
She felt better, just for finally honoring herself
And sure enough, instead of driving Finn away, he kept showing up
He pinned her down for a Saturday date early in the week
He had to put up or shut up in order to turn her head
Sure enough, he insisted on a commitment within a month (she put him off at least a week on that one)
And proposed within 2 months
The two are now planning a wedding, and to this day, she's still not using the word soulmate
I suggest not using the term "soulmate" until you're married. You want to make sure
Your love interest should have to earn that title!
Learning Love Repellent #5 and finally acting in a way that honored herself proved just the remedy for her broken heart
And this student will never have a broken heart again!
YOUR HOMEWORK
If you're using the antidotes from Love Repellents #1 - #4, then you're no doubt seeing a huge change in your love life
You're getting more interest and bonding better with those you find attractive
They're calling and pursuing you
But do remember Dance Away not Desperation
Hold yourself in high regard and BE hard-to-get
There is no manipulation needed here
Just know that you need to explore a relationship to really be sure it's soulmate material
Practically speaking, you should:
• not do all of the heavy lifting in a relationship, initiating calls, texts and dates. Let them do a lot of that
• only get physically close when you are ready. Do not give into pressure when you don't feel emotionally secure enough in the relationship for intimacy
• don't fall for flowery words unless they are backed up by behaviors. He needs to walk the talk for you to take him seriously
• be busy so you're not focusing on the relationship to the point of obsession. Keep dating others until you are committed
Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #6 in next week's blog. This repellent is why you don't get to the commitment you want
It's really irritating when your ex, who after 3 years would not marry you, breaks up with you to marry another gal within a year
What does she know that you didn't?!
Overcoming this repellent is a big reason why our wall of weddings is huge and ever-expanding. This gets you from dating into a committed relationship
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